Sexual intelligence, or SQ, is a trait that determines our level of satisfaction with sex life. Contrary to appearances, it does not depend on the number of sexual partners you have or the knowledge of the most sophisticated positions from the Kama Sutra. SQ is, above all, awareness of what gives us pleasure in bed, while understanding the needs of the other person. How do you measure your sexual intelligence and learn it?

Sexual intelligence( SQ ), apart from a similar name, has little to do with IQ, or intelligence quotient. It concerns the sphere of the psyche and the way of building sexual relations rather than the ars amandi theory. Each of us inherits it from our ancestors, but this does not mean that people with low sexual intelligence are doomed to boring, unsatisfying sex.

Often low SQ is the result of false beliefs about sexual life instilled in us by our parents in childhood, and then fixed by false patterns derived from pop culture. In order to increase our sexual intelligence, we need to get rid of all patterns in thinking about sex that prevent us from getting full satisfaction from intercourse and cause growing complexes.

What is sexual intelligence?

The term sexual intelligence does not have a single, fixed definition. Most often, it is defined as a set of features that characterize people who are fully satisfied with their sex life. In practice, this means that a sexually intelligent person:

  • is aware of her needs and knows what gives her pleasure and what doesn't;
  • feels connected with his body, he is not ashamed of it, he treats physicality as an integral part of his ego;
  • she is open to her partner's sexual needs, but at the same time she is assertive and knows how to say no;
  • can talk to his partner about sex and communicate his needs to him without embarrassment;
  • driven by curiosity, not blindly chasing fashion, tries new sexual positions and techniques to spice up her sex life;
  • constantly "learns" his partner and knows how to recognize the non-verbal messages sent by his body (for example, he knows what kind of caress gives him the most pleasure or when his partner does not want sex).

Sexual Intelligence -stereotypes and reality

Sexual intelligence largely implies maturity in thinking about sex, which does not always have to come with age. Many mature people reproduce the stereotypes and false patterns typical of teenagers who derive their ideas about sex from pornographic films or media broadcasts. The emerging image of human sexuality is very simplified - according to pop culture standards, a person with a high SQ must have a rich sexual past, should show an inexhaustible appetite for sex at any place and at any time, know all the Kamasutra positions, and in addition should be young and physically attractive. Does this vision of a sexually intelligent person correspond to reality?

Of course not. As shown by research conducted by a psychologist prof. John Gottman, better results in the SQ tests were achieved not by people who changed partners like gloves, but who were in constant, long-term relationships. They, too, were found to derive greater pleasure from sex and to experience more pleasure from it. Meanwhile, the notorious seducers achieved the lowest SQ results. How do you explain this?

Sex is not a rat race

Many people with low sexual intelligence treat sex as a race in which it is not spontaneity that counts, but breaking records in the number of partners "passed" or orgasms experienced. As a result, they cannot distance themselves from this sphere of life and they treat each failure in bed very personally. This approach to sex leads to the build-up of complexes and prevents you from achieving maximum pleasure, because instead of focusing on your and your partner's feelings, we are taking part in an imaginary race.

Realize that sex is supposed to be fun, spontaneous and unforced. It should, first of all, meet our and our partner's needs and be adapted to our preferences, and not correspond to patterns rooted in social consciousness. Sexual intelligence is about going to bed with another person, leaving behind the door all binding orders, prohibitions, common ideas about sex, and doing what we really enjoy.

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How to increase your sexual intelligence?

  • during sex, do not control yourself and get carried away - do not think that your partner will notice your cellulite or your partner will not be satisfied with your dimensions; sex is not a test, so focus only on feeling pleasure;
  • think about your current idea of ​​"ideal sex" and try to look at this sphere of lifemore realistically - can only beautiful people have really good sex? Do you need satin sheets, the best underwear and burning candles for a satisfying sex?
  • don't take sex very seriously - have fun in bed, joke about it, smile more;
  • talk to your partner about your desires and show interest in their needs - if you have a routine in bed, say it directly and suggest ways to diversify your sex life.

Sexual intelligence - how to measure it?

A questionnaire by Brazilian sexologist Dr. Carmita Abdo is used to measure sexual intelligence. It is intended only for men, because it is them who most often want to "do well" during intercourse, which makes most of them have a wrong idea about satisfactory sex. The result of the text is intended to help them change the way they think about sex in those areas that negatively affect their self-esteem and confidence.

Take the Sexual Quotient test and find out what kind of a lover you are

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Art of love