Anger is an emotion that is associated with great agitation and is a reaction to, among others, crossing the personal line, threat to needs or failure. It is not a good or bad emotion, it is definitely necessary to be able to talk about emotional balance. Find out what anger is and how to deal with it!

Angerisemotionthat shows that something is not good for us, threatens our well-being and mobilizes the strength to deal with the unfavorable situation. Ignoring your own emotions or controlling emotions, understood as suppressing them, is often perceived as a valuable skill. However, pretending to feel nothing has nothing to do with life satisfaction and personal development - anger is one of the basic emotions that nature has endowed us with. Like joy or sadness, it is an intense and rather short-lived reaction to a specific stimulus. It is triggered rather thoughtlessly - it bypasses the "rational part of the brain" and goes straight towards the reaction in the body.

It is important to remember that anger is not the same as aggression, and being able to show and experience it is as important as feeling the rest of your emotions. How many people and how many triggers, so many degrees of intensity of anger. Regardless of whether we experience mild irritation, frustration, anger or even hatred, each of these states is subject to the same laws as other emotions, that is, it arises as a result of a reaction to a stimulus, escalates to its maximum magnitude and falls down to silence.

It should be remembered that the possibility of experiencing so-called "negative" emotions is a necessary element of the human mental structure.

How do we express anger?

Most often, anger is expressed in three ways:

  • aggressively- reactions related to an attack, for example, physical or verbal, which in consequence exceed the boundaries of other people;
  • passively- reactions involving suppression, an attempt to ignore emotions; they are usually associated with a feeling of great discomfort, but do not lead to taking actions to change the existing situation;
  • assertively- reaction usually the most effective among those listed, but often requiring additional training, consisting in expressing anger, referring to your needs and emotions with respect to the recipient andnot violating its boundaries.

Anger, depending on cultural norms, age or family home standards, is socially accepted to a different extent. That is why we so often have difficulty showing it. Young children often hear, for example, "Don't get angry! Be polite!" When they receive a signal that it is undesirable to show dissatisfaction or anger. And so we learn to suppress anger, or, on the contrary, we do not hold the affect associated with anger at all, "exploding" out of control for objectively trivial reasons, disturbing the delicate emotional balance. Inability to experience and show anger negatively affects many areas of life, disturbing psychophysical well-being. Over time, we lose the ability to read what we feel, and this becomes destructive, causing denial or aggression. Paradoxically, by protecting ourselves from unwanted emotions, we help them dominate our lives. It is the emotional imbalance that causes tensions, complicating social relationships or causing psychosomatic diseases.

What is anger for?

Anger is a natural response to a sense of threat. It is anger in a crisis that gives us strength and motivates us to fight or flee. An intense episode of anger is undoubtedly associated with high energy costs, because it activates mechanisms in the body that are to save our lives on a biological level. Often, after an intense episode of anger, fatigue is felt on both the physical and mental levels, but it is also accompanied by a sense of relief or "cleansing".

Anger is often a signal that someone has exceeded our limit , it is often associated with a feeling of injustice or breaking a previously agreed rule. Anger tends to arise when we encounter an obstacle in the way of achieving something that is important to us. That is why, when thinking about anger, I encourage you to look at the values ​​we believe in and which of them, when violated, cause this anger. Among other things, it protects our needs and desires when they are threatened by external factors or by ourselves.

Anger is a natural state, and talking about it and showing it is a valuable skill . Through socialization, we learn to suppress emotions, including anger, thinking that this is a way to control them. In the long run, it turns out that controlling or influencing the emotional state is possible only when we recognize emotions, we are able to identify them and express them in an adequate way. However, when we see that anger is inadequate to the situation, it does not serve us and our relations are worth working onon her.

Both suppression and uncontrolled outbursts of emotions destabilize our psychophysical state.

Anger is a source of valuable information about ourselves.When, what and to what extent we get angry says a lot about our needs, expectations, sense of agency and self-acceptance. This emotion can be a warning signal about a threat, insecurity or crossing our borders. Being able to read the first signs of anger makes it easier to identify what you agree to and what is in line with your values. What causes it is usually related to feelings of hurt, disappointment, fear. It is worth remembering that no matter to what extent we can deal with our anger today, it is our decision what we will do with it and what conclusions we will draw from what it says about us. It may be helpful to answer the question of what thoughts appear more often in your head: "You, him, she, this makes me angry" or "I am angry"? We should remember that even if the stimulus that causes emotions is external, the emotion is ours and it depends on us what we will do with it. Mechanisms that were evolutionarily supposed to support human survival are not always adequate to today's world, so it is worth using the current knowledge to be able to take care of emotional balance.

Worth knowing

How does the body react to anger?

The human body may react in a specific way when feeling angry. They appear:

  • rapid breathing;
  • throat tightness;
  • accelerated heartbeat;
  • intense muscle tension which may lead to body tremors;
  • increased sensitivity to stimuli;
  • vigilance and tendency to search for signals of a potential threat;
  • reaction of the digestive tract, e.g. a feeling of pressure in the stomach;
  • an attitude that shows that you are ready to fight or flee.

What to do when anger becomes destructive?

The emergence of emotions is rather thoughtless. However, if steps are taken to help the body discharge its energy and / or calm the body and mind, you can work out a constructive way to cool down your anger. When you notice that anger starts to destabilize your life or starts to approach aggressive behavior, it is worth using several techniques:

1. Take stepsto help relieve the emotional tension associated with anger. Try different types of physical activity and look for the activity that works best for you. Regular cultivationsports, but also activities such as gardening help to reduce tension, facilitating the conscious expression of anger and minimizing the risk of an excessive outburst. Physical activity also has the advantage that when used ad hoc in a situation that is difficult to control or inadequate anger, it also increases the chance of using behavior that does not exceed someone else's boundaries. If, however, we usually have difficulty showing our anger, it is worth trying safe ways to express it so that you can experience it freely. It may be helpful to find a place where you can shout or cry freely.

Simple ways, such as tearing a newspaper or writing a letter about what makes us angry and why, can be a prelude to learning and taming irritation or anger.

2. Try to calm down.Whenever possible, it is worth slowing down the pace of your life and examining your anger. The point is not to suppress it or pretend it isn't there, but to consciously feel it. I encourage you to try a simple technique: lie down or sit comfortably, straighten your breath and see what is happening to your body, where exactly you feel angry. Check to see if your heart beats faster, and if there is any pressure or pain in some place. Let this knowledge help you identify your anger. This can be helpful especially in situations where you have trouble naming what you feel or distinguishing your own emotions.

3. Try relaxation techniques . If your problem is excessive and inadequate expression of anger, try relaxation techniques that regularly reduce emotional tension. There are many possibilities: breathing exercises, autogenic training, which consists in tightening all parts of the muscles one by one, meditation or mindfulness techniques. There is a lot of access to literature and workshops teaching relaxation techniques and everyone has a chance to find something for themselves.

4. Work on communication.Being able to talk about your emotions, needs and expectations increases the chances of knowingly feeling angry and not escalating situations that could pose a threat or overstepping your boundaries. You can work on the way of communicating with the environment during workshops, interpersonal trainings, but also in therapy. Regardless of which method will be adequate to your needs, it is worth taking a moment to look at your own communication habits.

5. Participation in personal development groups, support groups.During this type of classes, you can safely develop new strategies under the supervision of a specialist,broaden the insight into the sphere of your emotions and exchange experiences with other participants.

6. Aggression replacement training.This is an offer for people in whom the expression of anger results in aggressive behavior. This method strengthens the ability to control one's own impulsiveness and develops pro-social behavior. It has been used since the 1970s, and its effect is to correct aggressive behavior.

7. Psychotherapy.When independent attempts to work with your anger do not bring the expected results, it is worth considering a deeper form of working on yourself, i.e. therapy. Often, difficulties in the area of ​​emotions, including anger, are solved in a therapy office. Regular work with a therapist, discovering and confronting the causes of emotional problems can improve emotional functioning, social relationships and the quality of everyday life.

Important

Know your anger

In moments of calm, it is worth analyzing previous experiences of anger. However, it is important to remember that it is not about dwelling on possible wrongs and injustices, but understanding the personal / individual mechanisms that govern our own anger.

When thinking about conscious experience, it is worth asking yourself a few questions:

  • What makes me angry? What is my trigger?
  • Where in my body do I start to feel angry?
  • What reaction in my body could become a warning sign of impending anger?
  • What thoughts and behavior are associated with anger?
  • How intense - on a scale of 1 to 10 - do I usually feel angry?
  • How is it easy to show anger on a scale of 1 to 10?
  • When I feel angry, do I want to hide it inside or, regardless of the consequences, do I show it intensely?
  • What are the needs behind my anger?
  • How does anger affect my relationship?

Dealing with anger is really the ability to identify it in a specific situation, to name what it wants to warn us about and what to mobilize for. Being able to read the warning in the right way, we can take adequate steps to change the unfavorable situation for us.

Category:

Psychology