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Loneliness is a social phenomenon that has recently spread rapidly. Loneliness was usually associated with old age, mourning or sometimes retirement. Some people, when they hear the slogan "loneliness" without thinking, direct their thoughts to people who have been trying to form a relationship for years, but when we abandon delusional stereotypes and look at what loneliness really looks like, we may be surprised. So read what loneliness is and learn how to deal with it.

What is loneliness?

Lonelinessis by definition a state in which we feel a lack of a close relationship, it disturbs our sense of security, while affecting many areas of mental and physical life. Loneliness affects both young and old, those who are looking for their significant other, but loneliness in marriage is also nothing new.

Who is at risk of loneliness?

Both very shy people and those who intimidate their surroundings with their energy are exposed to loneliness. More and more people are complaining that there is nobody to talk to, they lack relationships in which they can feel at ease and safe.

On the one hand, thanks to new technologies, we can make a lot of friends and maintain relationships with loved ones at a distance, on the other hand, it turns out that new technologies are only a substitute, an illusion that does not translate into a real sense of being in a relationship.

New technologies facilitate the creation and maintenance of relationships, but they do not constitute its foundation.

Loneliness by choice

Loneliness should not be confused with independence. Not every person who lives alone is lonely. There is a group of people who have less need to build close relationships than the rest of the population. Their "loneliness" has little to do with feeling lonely.

They chose the way of life that is most comfortable for them. In the case of this group, attempts to fight loneliness may fail, because it has nothing to do with their actual need for social stimulation. The situation of "alleged loneliness" is comfortable for them and no one should try to interfere with it by force.

Loneliness is not a matter of living alone, but of mental state. We can also feel when we are in a relationshipthe lonely.

Single loneliness

And how is loneliness to be single? The concept of a single, so popular for some time, is a response to the changing world and social system. Lack of compulsion to start a family immediately after entering adulthood, globalization and increasing opportunities for the development of an individual are conducive to living alone, especially among young people.

Being single, as long as it is the result of a conscious choice and not a cover for shyness, anxiety, etc., can be a very beneficial stage from a developmental point of view. The time to research your abilities and needs, cross your comfort zone and gain experiences can be a we alth that we will bring to the relationship, if the time is right.

Loneliness in a relationship, marriage

Sometimes, despite living in a long-term relationship, we feel lonely, misunderstood, and deprived of support. Each relationship has its own dynamics, and we experience its successive phases with a different intensity.

However, when the feeling of loneliness becomes part of the daily routine and the relationship begins to dominate, it is worth considering change. Taking a closer look at your needs, an honest conversation or partner therapy can be very helpful.

Despite different variants of being single, people for whom loneliness is a negative experience are exposed to many consequences. It cannot be denied that the impact of loneliness on the psychophysical state is large.

Its longevity may be associated with a depressed mood, a sense of anxiety or even somatic ailments. People suffering from loneliness have he alth problems more often and it is more difficult to cope with crisis situations.

How to deal with loneliness?

If for some reason, despite your will and efforts, you have not yet managed to create your dream relationship, it is worth taking care of other relationships. Family, friends, close and distant acquaintances are also relationships that enrich, increase the sense of security and closeness.

Involvement in this type of relationship is a social training, but also creates a chance to meet someone new, someone who may become someone close.

Often the feeling of loneliness narrows our field of vision so much that we begin to feel that if we are not in a relationship, we cannot be happy or that we do not deserve a happy relationship.

I encourage you to ask yourself a few questions:

  • Do I have to hang the rest of my life on a peg until I find the second half? Save your life for later?
  • Should I give up joy, experiences, and development until I'm with someone?
  • Comakes me feel a fulfilled, happy person?
  • When I experience joyful moments despite being alone?
  • Where are the sources of my self-esteem?
  • What makes me feel like a valuable person?

After taking a brief "overview", you may find that beyond being in a relationship or not being in a relationship, life has many areas of joy, satisfaction and fulfillment. The point is not to downplay the feeling of loneliness, but to make it real.

Can you pretend to be lucky?

Pretending to be happy when we're not is a bad idea, but making your sense of well-being dependent on your marital status is also not good. When loneliness is caused by the loss of a loved one, it's worth taking time out. Experience your loneliness, "be in it" and experience everything that it brings with you.

The feeling of loss must fully recover before we return to balance and possible willingness to form relationships. It often happens that the grief, anger and anger accompanying the feeling of loss begin to dominate our reality.

If this condition lasts for a long time and, despite the passing weeks and months, we do not feel that we are returning to balance, it is worth using the support of a specialist. The loss of a life partner is one of the most stressful events in life, which is why, despite the body's natural inclination to regenerate, it sometimes happens that it will not be without a visit to a psychologist's office.

Worth knowing

Why don't we want to be lonely?

Why is creating lasting, deep bonds so important to us? As with most questions of this type, the answer is evolution. Formerly, belonging to a group (herd) had a direct impact on the individual's ability to survive.

Only by being part of a larger whole did man have a chance to ensure his physical safety, access to food and shelter, and the ability to reproduce and raise his offspring.

Not so long ago, from an evolutionary point of view, a single homo sapiens was condemned to death when he decided to leave the herd. Until now, one of the popular pen alties is isolation and confinement.

Loneliness and the negative experiences associated with it were to be a warning signal for people. This is a piece of information: you are either too far from the herd or too long away from the herd - this can be dangerous.

Many of the gifts of evolution that once saved lives in the modern world can be a source of discomfort. However, being aware of the negative consequences of loneliness can inspire you to take risks and create your own herd, however it may look like.

How to enjoyloneliness?

Regardless of life choices, everyone feels lonely at times. This experience passes by no one. Due to cultural changes, loneliness takes various forms, but the emotions that accompany it and how it affects the psychophysical state of a person, regardless of the reality around us, are the same.

What loneliness does with a person does not have to carry negative connotations. It is worth experiencing loneliness, it can be a valuable lesson, but when it begins to dominate all areas of life, it does not benefit anyone. I encourage you to try to look beyond your loneliness, appreciate the relationships we already have and look for sources of satisfaction in all spheres of life, not only that related to the relationship with another person in a relationship.

If, however, despite independent attempts to introduce changes, we are still lonely, a visit to a specialist may be helpful. An honest and safe conversation about where loneliness came from and what to do with it can yield valuable solutions.

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Category:

Psychology