- Delayed ignition bomb
- Swan shampoo
- You are not a real woman
- Blue card mom
- I never wanted to castrate him
- December 23, 2022
- Will we buy you your hair?
"Do you have cancer?" - Alopecian women, i.e. women without hair, hear this question at every step. Alopecia areata affects about two percent of the world's population. This is Magdalena's story. Excerpts from the book “Alopecjanki. Stories of bald women "by Marta Kawczyńska, HARDE publishing house, 2022.
Delayed ignition bomb
Diphenylcyclopropenone, or DCP for short, is not only a great name to practice diction and break your tongue, but also a chemically synthesized substance that does not occur naturally in nature. How it works? Hopefully the hair will grow back.
Almost everyone has an allergic reaction after applying DCP to their skin. This therapy is about "cheating" the body. The immune system, instead of attacking the hair follicles and treating them as foreign bodies that must be removed, focuses on fighting the allergen, which is DCP.
The first sign that DCP is starting to work is skin redness, itching, and even blistering. It happens that the lymph nodes get bigger. After the first application, every week you can apply yourself to the hair-free areas on the head with a concentration appropriately selected by the doctor.
Do not wash your head for several days after each lubrication. The aforementioned "magic" of DCP is that the hair is to grow back not only on the head, but wherever it is missing - eyebrows, eyelashes, body hair.
Does DPC work? On some, yes, on others, no. It sometimes happens that the rebellious organism does not allow itself to be "cheated" for too long, quickly gets used to the concentration of DCP, and the hair either does not grow back or grows back in a moment to fall out again.
-For me, it's a delay bomb. You have to be fucking careful. When I accidentally splashed it with it, I had a map of Africa and Asia on my stomach, and I had a burn all over my arm.
AA is now also being healed, among others steroids and irradiation with PUVA lamps. JAK inhibitor tests also began in Poland in 2022. Hair growth is a side effect of this drug used in the treatment of people with osteoporosis.
Swan shampoo
- Until a few years ago, the words "bald" or "baldness" did not exist in my dictionary. Today I am saying straight from the bridge that I suffer from alopecia areata. Do you know what amuses me the most then? The moment when my interlocutor does not know how to react or what to say. This is a bit malicious of me, but it pisses me off that being bald or plaid is still "exotic" in our country.
He works in an insurance company on a daily basis. He teaches yoga after hours.
- How did my baldness start? Suddenly. It was 2007 or 2008. I saw a pie on my head that was getting bigger and bigger, I had no idea what the disease was. My boyfriend at the time discovered it. I started looking for information on the Internet. There weren't many of them. Instead, I found the address of one of the pseudo-clinics of trichology in Warsaw. Why am I talking about her like that? The doctor examined my head and said it was definitely not alopecia areata. "If you use a shampoo with a swan, what is in the display case and you can buy it from us, all your hair will grow back quickly."
The swan did not help. There were more and more pies. And I was treading paths to more dermatologists. Everyone had their own theory and different treatments. From rubs through steroids to quite painful patting of the scalp with brushes.
You are not a real woman
- How did my beloved then react? At first he said nothing. He did not move away in disgust, I can say that he even supported me. He himself struggled with atopic dermatitis. Along the way, it turned out that I have problems not only with my hair, but also with the thyroid gland. My body began to change. I gained weight. It was one of the reasons he left me. I loved him very much. He was my first love.
He probably fell in love with me, too, but the closer we got to the end of our relationship, the more he let himself be. “You are not a real woman because you don't wear skirts. You have short hair. You don't wear handkerchiefs to cover your cakes ”- such a litany of remarks I heard almost every day. - Not only did he allow himself malicious comments, but he also arranged very unpleasant situations for me.
When we broke up, I learned from mutual friends that he often told them that I used to be a beautiful woman, and now I am no longer.
I had a very hard time breaking up. I think I even broke down in a way. There were times when I didn't like myself very much.
- What made you change your approach to yourself and your illness?
- I thought what was supposed to be will be. It coincided with my pregnancy and motherhood. I focused all my energy on my daughter. Maybe she was the catalyst for the stress that I was carrying inside me. At the same time, it occupied my attention so much that I didn't have time to think about how many hairs I had on my head.
Marysia appeared in the world on August 29, 2015.
- When I got pregnant, I only had one pie. He stayed like that and stayed on my head. Only after pregnancy and hormonal stabilization, alopecia quickly recurred.
Marysia was only a few years old when Magdalena bought herself wigs. It was October 2022. She lost 80 percent. hair. Only those on top of the head are left.
- And what? Again, I didn't really care. I bought myself these two wigs. Anyway, I have them to this day. They stand in the closet and wait. To be honest, it was more exciting for me to wait for them and to be able to change than to start on DCP, which I did then and continue to do today, she admits. - Maybe there has been a breakthrough in me again?
Blue card mom
If you were writing a book about moms with a blue card, I would also be a hero.
About the biological father of Marysia he says as Producer.
- So one who just made a child. We were together for four years. When Mania was born, he stopped up to the task. It was so tragic that I had this blue card on.
- Everything was too much for him. Responsibilities, so needed regularity in caring for the baby. Your newborn baby and his needs should be given full attention. The producer was a very party type, he liked to spend his evenings playing board games, on alcohol-drenched party cards with his friends.
I couldn't believe it was happening, especially since the Producer persuaded me to be a child. Before, I didn't really want to be a mom. While I was carrying Marysia in my stomach, he began to struggle with all the monsters in this world. He was on all the tests, seemingly changed his lifestyle to a more stabilized one, as my mother says: "he chased away flies that were not there".
And then, when the child appeared, and with him the need to be ready day and night, he could not bear it. One by one, all kinds of violence slowly emerged.Psychological, economic, sexual … I heard all the time that I am a bad mother, worthless, I bring shame to the little one. The request to vacuum the apartment or help with the care turned into quarrels and reached the point where he threatened to hang himself, because "I was tormenting him with my behavior." To the forest, to hang on a rope, in the end, however, he did not go, but after 7 p.m. he would lock himself in the bathroom to smoke the herb and relax. And then … he raped me, choked me, masturbated me over my face. I tried to resist him, but he was physically stronger.
I never wanted to castrate him
- You will probably ask why I put up with it? Why didn't I quit? At first, it seemed to me that our parenting was too wordy, that she would take a break from her carefree lifestyle and being for a while. He will embrace himself and be equal to the task, because eventually children mature and parents are also human. I was wrong. It got worse and worse.
(…) I found out that, like weed, she doesn't shy away from designer drugs. Probably that's where his aggression came from.
After more than a year, Magdalena decided to part with the Producer and decided to go to the clinic.
(…) the violence lasts as long as the victim allows. It carries suffering and pain. She also made me realize that Mania would also experience this violence. I couldn't let that happen. After a few therapy sessions, I knew I wanted to end my relationship with the Producer.
I realized that this applies not only to people from pathological backgrounds, but also to educated, economically stable people.
December 23, 2022
- The producer's move out did not take place without a fight. When I told him it was over and he had to move out, he got mad. He started calling me names, tugging at me. I've called the police. They showed up quickly. They gave him 20 minutes to pack his things and leave. He acted disgusting, hysterical, like a kid, not a grown man.
It stuck in my mind that he was walking around in a clean apartment in his shoes. He threw his things out of the wardrobe chaotically, destroying my and my daughter's clothes. Finally, he demanded the kettle, forks, plates, towels, a vacuum cleaner … He scored very precisely what he had brought into our life together, and now he demanded it back. In my own apartment, at my request, I was left with the baby at my breast without everyday objects. It was December 23, 2022, the day before Christmas Eve.
I cried all Christmas.Not for him, not for this embarrassing relationship, but for fear of what will happen, how it will be, whether I will manage and how I will behave in front of Marysia after all this. Now I can see it was like a detox, a detox. The recovery process has begun.
(…) For over two years my father doesn't seem to speak to Mania at all.
Today I am very pleased with the decision I have made. From the fact that I quickly realized that it was time to end this.
- I met my current partner on a dating site. I didn't need a guy for now, but I was filling the time between not being and being with someone by chatting online. Most of the acquaintances did not promise. When I started to write with Mateusz, I told him straight away what was happening in my life, why I was an independent mother.
Mateusz took my emotions on his chest. He understood that I needed time. He told me I had the right to do so. He is a very emotionally balanced man. It has a soothing effect on me, it can calm me down, calm my emotions. When I'm angry, she leaves me space. He knew about my illness from the beginning.
Will we buy you your hair?
- Mania? The fact that my hair is missing does not impress her. Normal business. She moved me to tears when, during a relapse, she brushed back my gray hair, gave a bald cake a kiss and hugged me. We recently took the subway together. My unconventional daughter noticed a bald man sitting across from him. In a theatrical whisper, she asked if we could go buy his hair if he wanted to? My little walking empathy.
The DCP treatment is working for Magda for now. From month to month, the pancakes are covered with a white fluff, from which hair grows. Magdalena admits, however, that she is ready and open to any eventuality.
- It's just hair. What would I do if they all dropped out? Thread. They simply wouldn't be there. I would have a colored mandala tattooed. It's been on my mind for a long time. Exactly… on the head. - He laughs.
- Zuzanna: "I don't think that suffering ennobles"
- Kasia: "This is me, this is my hair. I'm awesome. No more complexes! "
- Agata: "I felt relieved when my last eyelash fell out"
Marcelina Dzięciołowska Editor for many years associated with the medical industry. He specializesabout he alth and an active lifestyle. A private passion for psychology inspires her to take up difficult topics in this field. Author of a series of interviews in the field of psycho-oncology, the aim of which is to build awareness and break stereotypes about cancer. He believes that the right mental attitude can work wonders, therefore he promotes professional knowledge based on consultations with specialists.