Emotional or psychological betrayal in a partner relationship is very often called a male-female friendship or "brotherhood of souls". It must not be taken lightly, as it may be a harbinger of physical betrayal. What is emotional betrayal and how do you know when a third person has joined a relationship?
Emotional betrayalis a sign of disloy alty to a partner, breaking the principle of confidentiality, emotional intimacy, going beyond the framework of the relationship and duplicating what is unique and reserved for the relationship with a partner.
The definition of infidelity in its classic form refers to a marriage or partnership (i.e. an informal relationship lasting more than a year) and its important element is voluntary sexual intercourse with a person other than a regular partner or husband. Treason itself is not considered a disorder - it is normal / acceptable behavior in the repertoire of human behavior, although it usually carries suffering, guilt, injustice, shame or exclusion (exclusion), it causes depression.
Betrayal is not only extramarital or extra-partner sexual relations, betrayal also applies to the emotional sphere. Emotional betrayal is those non-sexual behaviors that consist of showing attention, interest, taking time, caring for another person in secret from a partner. This type of betrayal is especially acute for women who, unlike men, consider emotional betrayal to be more threatening to the relationship than sexual infidelity.
Emotional betrayal is a situation that can last for years without sexual involvement of partners, making the cheaters believe that their relationship is not harmful to their official relationships and allows the existing status quo to be maintained for longer.
Emotional betrayals are sometimes also called platonic relationships, they can be long-term relationships of people who, for religious reasons, strong feeling of guilt or fear of violence or the partner's revenge, do not change their character. In the era of such great popularity of the Internet and social networking sites, it can be an almost exclusively virtual relationship.
Emotional betrayal: what is it?
Love is described by researchers by three components: passion, intimacy and commitment. Emotional betrayal concerns this sphere of feelings andbehaviors known as intimacy - intimacy understood as all states in which we feel closeness and attachment.
Partners in a love relationship take care of each other and respect each other, and the mere presence of the other person causes happiness. They feel that they can count on each other in need, they understand and accept each other, they share experiences and goods - both spiritual and material. Intimacy and security are also expressed by giving yourself support and making your partner feel an important part of the other person's life.
Emotional betrayal is sharing intimacy with a third person, it is a lack of loy alty to the official partner, breaking the confidentiality rule, going beyond the framework of the relationship and copying, except for sex, what is special.
The situation described above may also characterize the friendship between a man and a woman, but we usually do not hide this from our companions. Emotional betrayal is more than just having a good time together or an intellectual exchange, supporting each other.
Emotional betrayal: how to recognize it?
- If a new acquaintance develops, meetings are a regular part of everyday life, the new acquaintance is an exciting and attractive person, and you do not tell your partner much about it, you censor it, you drain information, you live in a world of secrets, half-truths, because you think that your partner won't get it. When your eyes are on the new relationship, it is emotional betrayal.
- If your "friend" contacts are intense, you often talk on the phone, look for text messages, keep checking your phone screen and check your mailbox right after you wake up and before going to sleep. The enthusiasm and energy that flow from the new acquaintance make you less of you in the old relationship. Don't kid yourself then that it doesn't affect your relationship.
- Another warning sign is looking for support, understanding in a new acquaintance, sharing current affairs, worries, dreams, longings. You confess your troubles, you complain about your current life, you become the keepers of your secrets.
- Your time and attention are no longer shared only between responsibilities, partner and loved ones. The new acquaintance also occupies your thoughts, you never stop thinking about your friend and his affairs.
- You start comparing your current partner with your friend, and these comparisons fall to the disadvantage of the former. In your head the process of replacing your old partner with a new one has already begun - even if it is not your friend, you use it to emphasize, highlight the flaws and imperfections of your current partner.
Emotional betrayal - from camaraderie to "something more"
A friendly relationship can turn into something more when a crisis begins in the relationship between the partners and joy is replaced by weariness and routine. However, emotional betrayal can also happen for no apparent reason.
How is it that a harmless relationship turns into a close relationship and ultimately leads to emotional betrayal? It starts with more and more frequent contacts, e.g. professional or social, which are becoming more frequent. A daily lunch with a friend turns into a long-awaited dinner with a loved one, during which you can finally complain, feel important, cheer you up, hold your hand, and after returning home, do not tell your husband …
Communication possibilities make the distance from the new partner irrelevant - SMS, e-mails, activity on social networks accelerate the process of building relationships. When a new acquaintance gains momentum, meetings become a regular part of everyday life, the new acquaintance seems to be more and more exciting and attractive.
Slowly he becomes the object of dreams, visions and plans, and the constant partner in comparison to him falls pale and gradually ceases to participate in important personal matters. When the relationship with your partner begins to be filled with half-truths, it could mean that emotional betrayal has become a fact.
Imagine Mr. X who, not being satisfied enough with his relationship with his wife, starts to get closer to Mrs. Y, who works in his team. He does not plan an affair, he just talks to her well, he starts spending more and more time.
It turns out that they understand each other, they start to eat lunch together more often, and the topics they talk about are no longer neutral. Mr. X consults about the disease, helps his friend with car problems - his wife still knows about all of this. From one day, Mr X, without telling his wife, also makes an appointment with his friend for breakfast, and the topics he discusses are becoming more and more personal.
Mr. X begins to compare his partner with Y (her appearance, views, way of counseling and problem solving, etc.), with each subsequent week he shares more personal stories from family and relationship life, more and more often he confides to Mrs. Y, omitting his regular partner .
At home, he doesn't talk about Mrs. Y that often or at all. Mr. X waits for e-mails, text messages and Y consults on every important matter, with time he begins to build a "kind of friendly" front, but slowly X imagines what it would be like to be with Y. The moment when a neutral friendly relationship begins to be a prosthesis or a replacement for an existing relationship is usually difficult to discern. Howeverthe moment when Mr X realizes that he is excluding his wife from the elements of personal life important to them so far is an emotional betrayal.
Emotional betrayal: what's next?
Betrayal, both physical and mental, is usually important information about the quality of a relationship, although there are people who cheat regardless of their level of satisfaction with the ongoing relationship. Betrayal, and more precisely its disclosure, evokes anger, shame, a sense of abandonment, helplessness and hopelessness in the victim, and significantly lowers the self-esteem and attractiveness. Uncontrollable, intrusive thoughts about betrayal, depression and depression begin. Emotional betrayal is more likely to cause harm than anger.
The conducted research shows that women experience their partner's emotional betrayal more than men, rather than sexual, and treat it as a harbinger of relationship breakdown. Men, on the other hand, are more tolerant of emotional than sexual infidelity. Experienced trauma in the victim as well as the feeling of guilt and dilemmas accompanying the cheating person are very common reasons for visiting a psychologist and psychiatrist.
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Dominika Ambroziewicz-Wnuk - psychologist, BUSOLA Personal Development Center