In the treatment of infertility, the role of the psyche cannot be underestimated. Stress has a big influence on whether a woman can become pregnant. This is what Tatiana Ostaszewska-Mosak, admitting psychologist at the InviMed European Motherhood Center, says. What other problems do the couple affected by infertility have to deal with?
- Why, in case of suspicion of infertility, the woman should always be examined first?
Tatiana Ostaszewska-Mosak: Because she is first burdened withproblems with getting pregnant .Fertilityis assigned to her. This is due to the military and historical conditions. This way of seeing is deeply ingrained in us, though times have changed. A man says less often: I will be a husband, I will be a father. And the girl thinks about herself: I will be a wife, I will be a mother. He describes himself through the functions he performs in the family and society.
- A woman with infertility problems will tell her doctor about things she would not normally tell her, such as an abortion. Why?
When a couple cannot wait for a child for a long time, fears and doubts appear in the woman. If in her past there were any illnesses, an abortion, problems with her own sexuality, accidental sexual contacts, it is connected to her. Men don't think that way. With them, sex does not equal fertility, it does not equal a child. For a woman, these things are closely related.
- To what extent does stress cause infertility and prevent pregnancy?
The lack of a child can be a signal for a woman: you are good for nothing, you can't even get pregnant . She programs herself negatively and begins to function according to the instructions she gives herself. This may actually prevent her from becoming pregnant. It's a self-winding spiral mechanism that leads to ever higher levels of anxiety, stress and burden, getting worse each month. Then the woman needs the help of a psychologist to return to normalcy. The negative attitude towards oneself is so feminine and so Polish. Because women are taught from an early age: do not boast, do not lean out, if you succeed in something, it is by accident.
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- How to get out of it,especially when there really are problems with getting pregnant?
You need to accept yourself in spite of everything - this applies to both men and women. You have to accept that my body is working in the way it is at the moment and not otherwise. And often it helps to reduce the pressure to necessarily have a baby. After looking inside herself, a woman may discover that she does not want a child at the moment, because she is still too young, they know too little of each other with her partner, she wants to achieve something, stand on her own feet, get to know herself and her abilities. She senses that if she gave birth now, she would become vulnerable, dependent on outside help, perhaps she would not find enough support in her partner. He does not believe that he is able to take care of everything, to earn a living. This is very important. Or she wants to have a child, but most of all she wants the marriage to be good, so that the child is not the only element that binds us together. These anxieties are often unaware of themselves, they make themselves felt with tension, irritability, depression or panic.
- How to convince my husband to see the doctor?
It all depends on how you convey it to him. First of all, you need to find a way that would not harm his masculinity. If the doctor says, "Please bring your husband," remember that there may be various reasons for this. For example, a couple may not know when their fertile days are. You shouldn't put the matter in such a way that if she's okay then it's his fault. A woman should say: "I have been to the doctor, nothing has come from my tests, it is worth having you also get tested". It all depends on mutual acceptance, on the way of communicating, whether he and she tell each other what is happening in and with them. How close are they to each other, do they even talk, did she tell him she was going to the doctor? If they don't talk about their feelings, it will be harder for them.
- How to deal with the so-called kind - parents, relatives, friends who ask us: and when will the baby finally be?
Those who ask us don't usually do it out of bad will. How we feel is our problem. These questions are very ordinary, sometimes they are an attempt to start a conversation. Our parents want to know when they will be grandparents - that's natural. If everything were fine, there would be nothing strange in these questions. And so they cause stress. It is important what we want to tell our loved ones. It is good to come up with a few lockpick answers that will direct the conversation differently or clearly define our boundaries.
- Does it happen that a child appears when the couple are no longer struggling towas?
Sometimes a couple let go, just state - we won't have children. Then there is a natural acceptance of this situation. Or, those who have already come to terms with the fact that they cannot have children decide to adopt. And then they have a baby. And the latter is no longer adopted. This is precisely the effect of reducing stress. Are there any couples who break up or get divorced because of problems with conceiving a child? If there is no child, although you want one, then you can find out what is happening between two people, because it is a difficult, stressful situation that requires self-determination: what do I want to achieve, how do I perceive the role of a man and a woman, what I want in a marriage. In the course of trying for a child, a man and a woman learn so much about each other that they are sometimes strengthened after this ordeal. However, if there is no strong feeling, community, then such a relationship will fall apart.
You must do it- First you need to know the reason, because it can be an easy problem, e.g. it just so happened that you only made love on infertile days.
- Be supportive of each other, talk to each other a lot about everything, try to understand the other side.
- Develop yourself and your relationship despite not having a baby.
- Do not give in to stress, try to reduce it, e.g. through exercise.
- Don't blame each other, minimize negative feelings.
- Know your true goals, because it may turn out that the baby is not what you really want from life now.
- If it turns out that having a baby is your goal, be patient and persistent, don't break down.
- Make sure that the child is not the only reason and purpose in your life.
Support groups for couples with infertility problems
- Support groups for couples struggling with infertility are a special form of help, because in the group we deal with people who have similar experiences, so here you can count on full understanding. The support group usually consists of several couples or only women who share the problem of infertility. Such a group is led by a leader, usually a psychologist - explains Dorota Gawlikowska, a psychologist from the InviMed Infertility Treatment Clinic.
Source: © Newseria
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