The appearance of siblings is a real problem for an only child. It is easier for a child to accept a new family member if you prepare your child early enough for the birth of a brother or sister and the changes that will follow.
Child , who isonly child , usually missessiblings . However, when his dream brother or sister appears in the house, he cannot cope with his emotions. His world is changing. From then on, he has to share with the toddler - toys, mother's feelings, and the attention of other adults. He is no longer the apple of his grandmother's eye, his dad's only treasure, the star of family gatherings. It breeds jealousy, rebellion. When planning a second child, you need to prepare for it. Of course, it is impossible to completely prevent an older child from becoming jealous of a younger brother or sister. However, you can alleviate his tension and anxiety. Thanks to this, in the future, siblings will like each other and not compete for a better position in the family.
Taming your toddler with the thought that he will have siblings
If you know from the outset that you want to have more than one child, prepare your only child for it before making the final decision about the second child. - You have to tame a toddler with the thought that having siblings is something natural - explains psychologist Agnieszka Kostrzewa. - Let us tell him about it, let us show other families, let us pay attention to familiar siblings, emphasizing that there are similarities and differences between them. Being ahead of time gives your baby more time to get used to the thought that she will not be alone. Then the arrival of a new family member will become a natural event for him, and not a drama and punishment. It is also important that mum does not build an unnaturally strong bond between herself and her first child, such as exclusive. Other family members (aunts, grandparents) should also be involved in his upbringing. The child must know that not only the mother takes care of him and that she may not be at his disposal at any time - emphasizes the psychologist.
Preparing a child for the arrival of siblings
The best situation is when the child himself demands siblings. Convinced that it will be something very attractive, they will easily accept your pregnancy and even enjoy it. Sometimeshowever, he needs to be helped. Let them find out about the upcoming change from you (and not, for example, casually from their grandmother), then they will feel important, admitted to the events. Talk to him about choosing a name for a brother or sister, taking his suggestions seriously. Let him touch your tummy, tell him that you can feel your baby move. Remember, however, that a few-year-olds do not realize that you must not put too much pressure on the abdomen, that you need more sleep, you can no longer lift it and carry it in your arms. Show your only child lots of attention and patience. - It's good to tell him how tiny he was, how he kicked his stomach, how he looked after his birth. It is also necessary to explain in good time that young children are helpless and need more care. For example, you might say, “When you were little you couldn't walk or eat alone. I had to feed you, dress you, change your clothes. " In this way, you will prepare your child for the fact that you will have new responsibilities with the newborn, for which you will have to spend your time - says Agnieszka Kostrzewa.
When the siblings show up
A two- or three-year-old quickly forgets that he was once an only child, so just having a second child at home does not have to be a problem for him. Unpleasant sensations may occur when the baby feels isolated from its mother. For the time of childbirth, it should not be sent to grandma, handed over to a babysitter, or given to a nursery. He will take it as a rejection. So if you are going to involve other people in caring for an older child, do it well before you become pregnant, or a little later, when the child is comfortable with the new situation. Then, after giving birth, give the firstborn as much attention as possible. Have fun with him, talk a lot, read him fairy tales. Let him watch you bathe or change your baby.
A child who goes to kindergarten will react slightly differently to the arrival of siblings at home. She is not so closely related to her mother anymore. At this stage, he becomes naturally interested in his peers and focuses more on dealing with them. So, for a five-year-old boy, going to a friend's birthday party or visiting the zoo with his dad will be a bigger attraction than sitting with his mum and baby at home. An older child (6, 7 years old), especially a girl, may be willing to take care of the baby. Allow him to do so, of course under your control. It will make him feel needed. However, be careful not to overdo it. Don't burden your child with too many responsibilities and tasks. Use his help only if he comes out with the initiative on its own. - A baby born doll is a good solution for a girl - says the psychologist. -While taking care of her, she imitates her mother and feels as important as she is.
Privileges of being older
When the baby smiles at his brother or sister, take advantage of it. Say, "He really likes you! Look: he knows you, smiles at you. " Help your baby see the toddler's good points, such as being so playful. However, do not overdo your enthusiasm and do not expect delight from your firstborn child. Do not keep asking if she likes the baby, if she likes it, loves it …
- It happens that a 3- or 4-year-old child, under the influence of an infant, "retreats" in its development, imitating its behavior. He may demand a bottle of milk, wear a diaper, suck his finger. In this way, he competes with his younger siblings, demanding his mother's attention. Such behavior is a signal that you need to devote more time to the child - explains Agnieszka Kostrzewa. - One should also particularly emphasize the privileges of seniority, such as the fact that the older ones can eat various tasty things, not just milk: "The baby has no cloves yet and cannot eat a sandwich or cakes, and you are allowed to do so." Note that he may dress himself, go to bed later, watch bedtime stories and movies.
Show your child the advantages of having siblings
Don't promise your baby too much. Show him the advantages of having siblings, such as that he will have someone to play with, but also be honest that he still has to wait a while for that. Do not convince him that there is only a streak of joy ahead of him, because he will be disappointed. You should know that a little brother or sister is not a toy, but a separate person who has his own needs and requirements. However, do not exaggerate the changes that await him. Give him time to get used to the new situation.
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