- Toxic relationship - what is this relationship?
- Toxic relationship: symptoms
- Toxic relationship: how to get out of it?
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A toxic relationship is when one partner gives the other a lot and gets very little in return. He endures bad treatment and is unable to free himself from a toxic relationship that is destructive and lowers self-esteem. Read about the symptoms of a toxic relationship and learn how to get out of it. See also the stories of women who lived in a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationship - what is this relationship?
Toxic relationship- this type of relationship is often talked about and written, yet many men and women still get involved in it. For some of them, love is suffering. They still believe that thanks to them and their efforts, he or she can change, they just need to try harder. People in an abusive relationship go along with everything, turn a blind eye to lies and humiliation, and feed on the few times when they've gotten a little affection. They lose their self-esteem, believe in themselves less and less, and believe that they are to blame for relationship failures. They hold a grudge against each other, they feel less and less attractive. After a while, they begin to guess that the toxic compound is harming them, but are unable to go away. As if they thought they deserved nothing better.
People living in a toxic relationship are more likely to have he alth problems: cardiovascular system, high blood pressure, chest pains.
People who love too much often grew up in families where they did not receive the support, understanding, tenderness and love they needed. They have not experienced real care, so now they are trying to make up for the arrears by becoming someone else's protector. They lacked patterns of proper relations between a man and a woman. A toxic relationship is entered into by people who in childhood did not receive an appropriate emotional base, could not count on support and hugs in difficult times. They didn't feel important. Therefore, they do not know that they have the right to a sense of security and unconditional acceptance.
They left their family home with an enormous hunger for love, and their relationships are a way to satisfy it. Since they had to accept a lack of warmth and care in childhood, they are now strongly drawn to unavailable peopleemotionally or helpless. That is why they often choose as their partners people who are helpless in life, weak or emotionally distant, cold. They hope that this time they will change reality with their love and dedication. They will do whatever it takes to make the relationship last, as they are very afraid of the abandonment and loneliness they have already experienced at home. They value themselves low and don't believe they deserve happiness. For this reason, they endure mistreatment for a long time and blame themselves for all the problems in a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationship: symptoms
If you live in a toxic relationship, you most likely know it, though you can't always put a name to it - you feel underappreciated, undervalued, unloved on a daily basis - despite your best efforts to make the relationship as good as possible. The most common symptoms of a toxic relationship include:
- Low self-esteem- you only focus on your faults, and your partner assures you that you have very few virtues. You underestimate yourself and try to self-destruct.
- Emotional blackmail- your partner forces you to behave in a certain way, referring to your kindness, love, sacrifice. "You love him," so you will do whatever he expects you to do. So you do what you are used to doing - you devote yourself and give in. Emotional blackmail also includes threats against you.
- No sense of responsibility- your partner does not like to make any decisions, so he places all responsibility on you. Thanks to this, he can claim that he doesn't make any mistakes, because he doesn't really do anything, you are always the bad person.
- Lies- a toxic relationship also means living a lie. For a toxic partner, it is obvious to think up, combine, not to tell the truth about a specific situation. Lying in this kind of relationship also means creating a false image of yourself - presenting yourself as innocent without flaws.
- Insults- every couple quarrels from time to time and there is nothing unusual about it, but you should be concerned about your partner constantly insulting you. The widespread use of swearing in the name of a supposedly loved one indicates a toxic relationship.
- Hostility and contempt- in a toxic relationship you do not feel loved and safe on a daily basis, on the contrary - your well-being is constantly underestimated, the ground floor shows you negative feelings - you have the impression that he relates (and often is) better to unknown people than to you.
- Blame- your partner constantly grieves against you for something and makes you feel guilty. You are always to blame and you are responsible for failures.
- Difficulty establishing an emotional bond- Despite your best intentions, your partner is not letting you pierce the shell he has built around him. He doesn't tell you about his needs, problems, and he doesn't provide you with (positive) feelings. He prefers to fence off from you than to get close to you.
- Loneliness- in a toxic relationship you feel lonely, even though you have a partner. You do not have any support, you organize both lives on your own and not only will you not hear thanks, but only complaints.
- Physical violence- in toxic relationships, psychological violence is unfortunately commonplace, sometimes it can also involve blows.
What is conducive to the attitude of "loving too much"
You may be prone to enter into toxic relationships if your emotional needs were not cared for in the family; your parents were inaccessible, so now you are drawn to cold, callous partners; you often feel guilty; in your childhood you did not experience support and care, so now you are trying to provide it to someone; you are afraid of rejection, so you will do whatever you can to make the relationship last. You cannot exist without a man and without suffering; you're used to being insensitive and reciprocal, so you don't expect it - you don't think you deserve it, but you're still trying to earn that privilege; you have low self-esteem, you don't believe in yourself; you live your dreams in a relationship and you don't see the real situation; you like to be helpful and look after your partner, and you like to take everything on your shoulders.
Toxic relationship: how to get out of it?
"Loving too much" and living in a toxic relationship is like an addiction - dangerous and destructive to life. Male addiction, like any addiction, must be treated. The first step is to realize that you are addicted.
The second important moment is freeing yourself from the thought that love and sacrifice change your partner and your focus on yourself. You have to understand that we only influence our own lives and we will not change others around us. That is why it is worth transferring your energy from your partner to yourself. Give up your devotion and pursue your own real needs.
We are not two halves of the same fruit - this is a harmful myth that has nothing to do with reality. We are actually two separate beings that do somethingthey bring another to the union. When a woman sacrifices herself and loses her self, her interior is empty. He has nothing to offer his partner.
He can't truly love anyone until he loves himself. Usually, such a change in life attitudes and beliefs is long-lasting and it is difficult to deal with the problem alone. It is worth seeking help from a specialist: a psychologist, psychotherapist or in support groups.
The article is based on a text by the psychologist Adriana Klos, which appeared in the monthly "Zdrowie".
Does a relationship with a toxic person survive? Michał Poklękowski in the Drogowskazy broadcast on Eski Rock asked a psychologist and psychotherapist from Warsaw, Zuzanna Butryn. You will learn more about toxic relationships from the broadcast. We invite you to listen:
About the authorAnna SierantEditor in charge of the Psychology and Beauty sections, as well as the main page of Poradnikzdrowie.pl. As a journalist, she cooperated, among others. with "Wysokie Obcasy", the websites: dwutygodnik.com and entertheroom.com, the quarterly "G'RLS Room". She also co-founded the online magazine "PudOWY Róż". He runs a blog jakdzżyna.wordpress.com.
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