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Schizophrenia, despite research into the disease and various treatments, continues to cause fear in society. It turns out that people after a mental crisis live among us and cope well not only with everyday duties, but also with the disease. Such a person is Maciej Olbrysz, who fell ill for the first time at the age of 16. He was in high school at the time. For over 20 years, he has known that he lives with schizophrenia.
When did you first feel something wrong? How did your illness begin to manifest itself?
I got sick for the first time when I was 16, in my second high school. It started out like this that I had trouble learning for the history test. The material for the test just did not enter my head. I had trouble concentrating. There were supposed to be two marks from this test and I got two ones.
And what happened next?
I remember having a sleepless night because I had psychosis then. I was delusional and it seemed to me things that didn't exist, such as that someone was talking to me. I told my father about it after a sleepless night. He disregarded it, even though the disease was already known in my family, because my mother suffered from schizophrenia.
This psychosis developed for several months until winter was at its peak. It was like going to school and shouting all kinds of weird things. Fortunately, I was in a class with my cousin. He called my father and told me about my behavior. Dad came, he picked me up from school and we went to see a friend of our family - the doctor.
How was your visit to the doctor?
I only remember him asking if I knew why I was here. I said no. Finally he said I should see a psychiatrist. It was a shock to me. During a visit to a psychiatrist, it turned out that I had to take medication. The first contact with a psychiatrist was trauma. Thinking I'm "crazy". It was very difficult for me, but I started taking medication. At the beginning, I was anti-minded, I didn't want to cooperate.
You started taking medications and what happened? What was it like going back to school?
My father took me from school about two weeks before the winter break. Later, I only went back to school after the winter break. However, problems started because the drugs had a side effect of sleepiness. ThusI stopped being so confident, I was constantly walking around tired, but somehow I moved from class to class. The second time I fell ill in high school.
What was the second episode like? What happened during his speech?
During the second episode of high school, the family already knew that I was ill. My father decided to take me with him on the trip. He had such a job that he often left and picked me up. After about a month of such home treatment, the psychiatrist said that I had to go to a psychiatric hospital after all. I was rebellious, I did not want to go to the hospital. I felt resistance, I was devastated. My first contact with the hospital was very traumatic.
Tell me about your delusions.
One such delusion is to think that someone is following me. In 2007, when I had my cell phone, I left it at home because I thought it was being traced. These are persecutory thoughts. There are also delusions of size, which means that someone thinks that he is a great man. Auditory hallucinations, I heard voices, someone was talking to me. As if I had someone on my mind. A voice commented on me and told me to do different things. In psychosis, I thought I could see more. For example, I thought the billboards were aimed at me, that people were giving me signs with their expressions. Thought my dad was a millionaire. I thought I was a secret agent and my parents were Soviet spies. Just this kind of stalking stuff.
How long were you in hospital?
I was in the hospital for 3 months. I remember having frequently changed doctors because I was lying in bed all the time. I didn't feel like living. I didn't feel like doing anything. The only thing that interested me, and I kept asking the doctors about it, was when will I leave the hospital. Nobody could give me an answer to that, because nobody knew. As too many doctors could not cope with me, the head physician finally took me under the care of me. I started to be active, but at first the activity was delusional, but I wasn't in bed anymore. I started to walk, I was just behaving inadequately. When I felt better, I was released on leave.
What happened after you came back to school?
When it comes to the perception of the environment, in the first episode, my classmates knew that something was wrong, because I was behaving strangely. I was also not given a clear diagnosis. Besides, my cousin was in class and he had contact with my father. I went back to school as normal as if nothing had happened.
What happened in the secondary school-leaving grade at the second episode?
I entered the classroom and all the seats were taken, and there was one empty desk in the front.Such a "donkey's bench". I sat down there, but it felt terrible. Unfortunately, I stopped going to school, which was also very difficult, because it was my final exams. I felt the pressure "because I graduated from high school" and I could not study. It was impossible due to my he alth condition. When I left the hospital after these 3 months, my colleagues passed the secondary school-leaving examination and there was a post-secondary meeting. I promised myself that I would also pass my high school diploma and I did it. Then I went to college.
How would you rate your studies? Did you encounter similar problems there as in high school?
It's a completely different world. I remember that I ran out of point to go to the second semester. I wrote a letter to the dean that I would like to study and disclosed my illness. I was on strong psychotropic drugs, I was sleepy and at night I could not study like my friends from college. It was understood. I managed to finish my studies with a great delay, after 8 years, but this is one of my two great successes. I also completed postgraduate studies. In 2007, the crisis hit.
Why? What happened?
I fell into a gigantic psychosis then because I went to work for the first time. I was very afraid of new things. They caused me great anxiety and stress. Eventually I was hospitalized, except that I was only there for two months. I was given strong drugs, I say "my brain has been reset". I don't remember the first two weeks. However, I was already familiar with the fact that I am a person after a mental crisis. I don't consider myself "crazy" and it's a dirty word at all - I said it at the beginning because that's how I felt. I am a person after a mental crisis, I am not ashamed of it.
What was your social life like all these years?
I was a loner for teen years, I was unhappy. I was hiding the disease. I also did not want to talk about myself, to discover myself, but some time has passed and I have found that I will start sharing the disease with people. There was an opportunity, because the family wanted me to go to the open ward of the psychiatric hospital where I was staying. There I met a lot of friends with whom I have contact until today.
Now what do you do?
I work at the eFkropka Foundation. I run workshops, recruit participants for these workshops. These are classes for specific social groups, e.g. for social workers, but not only. We had an open workshop so that anyone could come. The aim of these workshops is to fight the stigmatization of people after a mental crisis and to educate them.
What is the public approach to schizophrenia? The sick are still stigmatized to such a large extent?
So now I remembered as inIn 2007 I had psychosis and I was standing in a shop in a place, I heard something like: “they should be locked up”. People are afraid. They are afraid of what they don't know, and we are actually among he althy people. We work, we start families, relationships, we have friends, we have our passions. I am also interested in technology and IT. It has never happened to me that I was accused of being "crazy", but because I was careful who I was telling it to. There is stigma. I wish you could say, "I have schizophrenia," in the same way as you say, "I have a sick heart." I don't feel angry. My dream is for people to be able to overcome this disease. You know, it's hard - because it is. It is often very hard, but you can live normally with this disease. I would like to start a family. I have a girlfriend and I wish I could get along with her. I would also like to work for a foundation and earn money on programming.
When it comes to offering a job for people after a crisis, it's just cleaning, where many people with schizophrenia have completed their studies. As for protected work, he can do it according to his skills.
And now how are you feeling? Still having serious mental crises?
As far as the current state is concerned, it is different. I have minor breakdowns. My daily problem is my paranoid personality disorder. It consists in the fact that I feel threatened, that someone is digging holes under me, that he is unfavorable towards me. I am 99.9% wrong, but this is how I feel. Then I call my friend and we talk about it. When I feel very bad and keep grinding something in my head, I try to watch a movie to distract my mind. I have been going to a psychologist for 20 years.
What do you want to tell people who watch the movie and read your interview?
If you suspect that someone around you may be sick, talk to them and convince them to see a doctor. If the person is afraid to go to a psychiatrist, say that you will go with them. It's nothing terrible, no shame. Also, say that if they do not want to, no one has to know that you are worried about a loved one.
About the author
Dominika StanisławskaShe graduated from Polish Studies and Philosophy at the University of Warsaw. She worked on film sets as a script and assistant director. Her interests focus primarily on new technologies used in medicine, which may revolutionize the treatment of many diseases. She is interested in film and learning foreign languages. He spends his free time by the water.