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Moving is always an event, and over time it can only become more of a challenge. After all, the luggage not only of the things to be transported has been growing over the years, but also of habits, ties with a given place, interpersonal relations, as well as fear of the unknown. It is even more important for an older person who is faced with a change of place of residence - not only old or sick, but also energetic and full of strength, at the age of 50 or 60 - to help effectively in moving, both from the organizational and psychological point of view.

Contents:

  1. Moving a senior - reasons
  2. Moving a senior - is it a good idea?
  3. Moving a senior - to move in together or separately?
  4. Moving a senior - a nursing home
  5. How to talk to a senior about a move?
  6. Moving a senior - what to do with a lot of things?
  7. Moving a senior - how to help with the move?
  8. Moving a senior - how to relieve stress?

People who leave the family home to study, move from apartment to apartment with their usually small possessions even several times a year. The value is then just experimenting, collecting experiences, looking for the joy of life in new situations, also in new places. When, after graduation, he gradually organizes his adult, independent life, he moves with a little more effort every few years. In the end, however, the need to put down roots usually succumbs, especially when there is a desired or simply attractive job, a permanent relationship, children, beloved animals, a group of friends or close acquaintances, and the entire microcosm of everyday life. The more stable it is, the more effectively it gives a sense of security.

A real need to change the environment, so clear as to push for a change, so it usually diminishes with age. In order for it to return, there must be serious reasons, or - to use terms used by sociologists - pushing factors (prompting people to move out of their current place of residence) or attracting factors (which determine the attractiveness of a new location and the entire difficult process of changing the place of residence).

Moving a senior - reasons

It seems that when it comes to Fr.when moving seniors, pushing factors turn out to be crucial in the case of elderly people (75-90 years old) and some elderly people (60-74 years old), suffering from serious illnesses or in a difficult life situation.

Old trees are not exaggerated - there are many reasons in this proverb. A person excluded from wider life, e.g. due to illness, even an apparently small change in the room's furnishings or decor, such as repainting the walls, may be perceived as a revolution - when it disturbs the shape of her world, safe, because it has remained unchanged for years. Life, however, often forces you to cut even long-fallen roots.

The reasons can be various, but most often a chronic disease returns, limiting the independence of a given person and generating the need for constant care - in children living in another town or, which is still considered a last resort in Poland, in a nursing home.

Moving is often forced by a sudden reduction in the quality of life as a result of, for example, the death of a spouse or a long-term partner and the associated feeling of loneliness, material deficiencies, organizational difficulties, etc.

Finally - an increase in the cost of living beyond the financial capacity (e.g. emergence of the need to take new drugs, undergo surgery, perform a major renovation).

You still hear about seniors who move out of flats that have been occupied for several decades due to changes in the ownership of tenement houses and the related radical, multiple increase in rents.

And on the other hand, since "senior" is a term for every person aged 50 plus, moving may be nothing but the beginning of a new, better, fuller, happier life - especially since we are talking about people who already belong to the era of globalization and mobility related to both the fast flow of information and the ease of movement around the world, especially within the European Union.

The attracting factors that may arise in this context are primarily the need to be closer to children, if they moved to a distant city, especially to grandchildren - also in connection with helping them look after and educate them.

Sometimes also the desire to find a better or more interesting job or the need to look for a new job after the dismissal. Sometimes, in the context of flying children out of the nest, there is also the topic of releasing from obligations and moving to make dreams come true, e.g. about living in the countryside or closer to nature, or on the contrary - about using the benefits of a large city, with its cultural offer (theaters, museums, concert halls),educational (including universities of the third age), also medical.

In such a case, an attractive prospect turns out to be the replacement of e.g. a spacious house with a garden that requires work, or especially a farm, for a small, but advantageously located apartment in a large center.

Of course, the review outlined here does not exhaust the possible premises for the decision to move a senior, and the predominance of pushing or attracting factors in individual age groups is not a rule without exceptions. Moreover, many of them can be reversed by deliberately emphasizing either advantages or disadvantages; for example, "pushing" people to move by locating an apartment on a high floor without an elevator can be presented as "attracting" by a more advantageously located apartment.

This initial outline shows, however, that the multifaceted phenomenon of a senior's move cannot be encapsulated in the adage "old trees are not exaggerated" (not without some truth!). Sometimes it is better to "overdo" than "not to overdo it" - and most of all, modern seniors more and more often move on their own, in order to function in a more comfortable way.

The scope of assistance necessary for a senior to move may therefore be very different, from zero (in the case of young seniors, fully independent, energetic, enterprising, organized) to 100% (when the case concerns an elderly person with Alzheimer's disease or dementia). However, the following tips should be analyzed in every case - to facilitate the transfer of an elderly mother, elderly father, or maybe … alone or alone, still in the prime of life and with a head full of plans.

Moving a senior - is it a good idea?

To this question, of course, not only is there no single answer, but also finding it in each specific case is usually problematic. The psyche of an elderly person more difficult to bear such fundamental changes as a move. There are both, inter alia, habits, ties with a given place and interpersonal relationships, but also fear of the unknown - especially since the awareness of possible problems or threats grows with age, the imagination suggests more black scenarios, and the forces do not seem as powerful and inexhaustible as when one has 20, 30 years old.

The smallest problem turns out to be in extreme cases - the most favorable and, paradoxically, the least successful.

The first to include, of course, the relocation of a young senior (50, 60), fit, relatively he althy, full of physical and mental strength, with financial possibilities corresponding to the scope of the entire project.

To the second -critical situations, when, for example, an elderly or very sick parent simply has to be taken from his apartment, which does not meet the challenges of mobility problems, Alzheimer's disease, dementia, etc.

Then the doubts may rather concern the choice between placing him in the apartment of someone close to him or looking for a place in a nursing home - although in some situations, too, the employment of additional care could be considered.

As you can see, there are many doubts, and even more in indirect cases. Especially when the senior - still perfectly aware and with a strong need for independence - gradually loses his strength or slowly becomes a prisoner of his unsuitable apartment (unfavorably located, non-functional, too costly to maintain, substandard, etc.), but does not agree to move e.g. to his daughter or son. Meanwhile, this consent is crucial.

So, if we see a significant need for mom, dad, grandma or grandpa to move to another, more suitable place, first of all, we should talk about it calmly. You can make decisions only for a person who is not able to take care of himself because of e.g. dementia or Alzheimer's disease (then the conversation must be replaced by simple messages without space for discussion, reassuring answers, also supported by a feeling of stratagem).

Moving a senior - to move in together or separately?

Determining that a senior cannot, should not or simply does not want to live where he or she has been, is one thing. Decide where to move then - the second.

When the initiative comes from the senior himself, efficient and organized, the matter is quite simple. You just need to pay attention to whether this dream new place to live is well connected with the shop, pharmacy, clinic, hospital. Reaching them should not require a long drive, since our abilities in this area deteriorate with age.

Hence, it is also so important that the above-mentioned objects can be reached either on foot or by public transport. It is also crucial that - especially in the case of older seniors - easy and quick access to close relatives. In an emergency, it could (also literally) save your life.

And what to do in a more typical situation - when advanced age, disease, deteriorating fitness or material deficiencies force such a person to be moved from their current place on earth? There are many factors that influence the answer to this question.

You need to take into account both the situation of the senior himself (he alth condition, level of independence, financial status,general preferences as to living in the city or in the countryside, at home or in an apartment, whether alone or with relatives, and finally - whether he is alone or in a relationship, as well as our possibilities (family environment and the family's attitude towards the needs of a senior, and also in relation to the possible prospect of living together; the type and size of the apartment, including the possible margin of free space; financial possibilities; the nature of the work and the amount of free time that we can devote to the senior).

In the model approach, there are three possibilities:

  • living with loved ones (e.g. with a daughter, son, grandson, granddaughter or another family member)
  • independent apartment, but not far from loved ones
  • finally - nursing home

An ideal solution is an independent flat (directly or even indirectly) adjacent to the flat of relatives; then no one loses the current freedom and does not have to adapt their way of functioning to others. On the other hand, if there is any need, your loved ones are really at your fingertips.

In Polish conditions and with known material limitations, the standard in such situations is, however, living with the family. If the senior (mom, dad, grandfather, grandmother, sometimes aunt or uncle especially close to his heart) had previously visited us, and especially stayed with us - both sides gain at least a partial idea of ​​what they are signing up for. This is important because the new situation is a significant challenge for all family members, especially in view of the deterioration of he alth and the level of independence of the new household member.

It is even more difficult, of course, when the elderly person did not stay with us longer - he was only a passing guest. In order not to make an unpleasant (and for everyone) mistake, it is worth inviting the senior, for example, for a stay during vacation or holidays, or for extended holidays.

The receiving family should carefully watch how the grandmother or grandfather functions in the new conditions (does the senior's behavior not reflect the loss or perception of the change situation as "the end of the world"?), But also their own feelings, emotions and reactions. Mutual love, and even simply respecting the other person, will help overcome many of these adversities.

Despite the mutual feelings between the relatives and the close ones, the new arrangement may turn out to be difficult, or even impossible - for seemingly trivial reasons, and in practice sometimes difficult to overcome, such as differences in the perception of "silence" or "peace" by the youngest and the oldest generation or different times of day and night functioning.

Therefore, before takingbinding decisions, all parties to the relationship should answer the question whether they are able to function happily and stress-free under given conditions. If not, try to find a different solution - maybe moving to another daughter or son, looking for a cheap studio nearby, or maybe even temporarily suspending the move and hiring a babysitter to help take care of the senior in his own apartment?

Both bringing a senior to your own apartment and moving to an independent apartment must be preceded by an analysis of this space. The key issue is, of course, easy access to individual rooms and all utensils in a safe and comfortable way for a senior. Internal stairs, narrow corridors and an unsuitable bathroom would certainly be an obstacle. It is impossible to transfer an age person to an apartment located on the high floor of a tenement house without an elevator. What else should you pay attention to? Details in the article about the apartment for seniors.

Moving a senior - a nursing home

Although as a society we are gradually getting used to the institution of nursing homes, facilities of this type, especially by the older generation, have bad associations - with rejection, forgetfulness, lack of love for parents or grandparents.

In interviews with people who, due to their he alth condition, decided to put their mother or father in a nursing home, the theme of the mystery surrounding this decision often returns, because "what would the neighbors say?"

Of course, the seniors themselves have a negative attitude towards this type of institution, especially those who have not had the opportunity to get to know any social care home or private nursing home, and imagine similar facilities as dismal "retirement homes" or even "deathly" ".

That is why, especially in the case of nursing homes and nursing homes, a longer familiarization visit is so important, which will help overcome at least some of the fears built simply on ignorance. More on this topic in the next part of the article.

How to talk to a senior about a move?

When the matter concerns the new perspectives of our 50- or 60-year-old parents, there is usually no problem with it - unless there are our frustrated plans in the background (e.g. their support in caring for our children) or the thread the fate of the family home. However, this is a topic for a separate article. Here we will focus on a more demanding situation, when our task is to convince the senior to change his current place on earth for his own good - a room in a child's apartment, a small apartment next door or a nursing home.

Wanting to convince the senior to such an idea, first of alleverybody needs to visually present the minuses of the current solution and the pros of the one we propose. The message must be clear in any case: it is about improving living conditions. It is also worth pointing to the advantages of the current apartment, which can be preserved or repeated in the new one (e.g. the presence of a beloved pet; the prospect of mutual visits with friends or neighbors; moving your favorite furniture, paintings, books, souvenirs, etc.).

It is also best to emphasize the benefits for the loved ones (the daughter or son will not be worried; the grandchildren will have a grandfather on the spot; no one will see them like their grandmother, etc.), although in fact they can only be an additional advantage of moving and not its main reason.

Whenever possible, it is worth presenting an alternative - the possibility to choose even in seemingly minor matters gives an extremely important sense of agency (e.g. living with a son or in an independent apartment nearby; moving all important things from the original apartment or leaving unchanged).

You cannot persuade offensively, expect a quick, especially immediate decision, show impatience. However, you have to listen to the reasons of the senior himself, try to understand his motivations and fears, give a lot of time to think about the topic and, if necessary, return to it several times. You must not take the refusal to bring your own daughter or son home, feel offended or, especially, offended. It must not be forgotten that we can be refused even after obtaining prior consent. And this should be respected. Only in situations of the type "five to twelve" can we consider that the senior is speaking of (understandable) nerves.

Besides, you should be aware that the stubbornness of an old parent or grandfather to stay in his own apartment or house, where he knows every corner from time to time, is not a whim or a sign of childishness of an age-old man. The prospect of leaving your own place on earth, your surroundings, close people, as well as one of the components of your identity and status ("here I am Mr. Wiśniewski, there I will be just a grandfather") gives rise to enormous stress.

Relieving this stress is extremely important, because if it turns out to be too strong, the trauma could end in illness or even death. The more so as the move not only to a nursing home, but even under the wings of many of the closest seniors, is perceived in terms of "entering the last stage", which is definitely not conducive to acclimatization to the new conditions. In order to reduce this stress, it is worth introducing the senior to new conditions gently - at the beginning without obligation, only "on a trial" basis.

If it's not yet timelet my mother come to our apartment, let her come as guests for a few weeks. He will look around, get to know the attractions available here, see the shops, pharmacy, clinic, church, cinema or swimming pool.

If dad is concerned about the nursing home, let's go there together to meet the management and spend a few hours in the new surroundings, and preferably stay for lunch. If necessary, let's go there not once, but two or three. Let's ask about the details of the regulations and all accepted rules of life in this place (for many seniors it is important whether you can take your own furniture, paintings, souvenir trinkets there - usually yes). Maybe during such a visit it will be possible to establish even superficial relations - in a pleasant atmosphere, exchange a few sentences with this or that resident, thanks to which the senior will look at the center in a different way, e.g. through the prism of memories from employee holidays or a sanatorium?

The presentation of the solution recommended by us - clearly emphasizing various factual positives - must of course be accompanied by conversations about the further fate of a senior's home or apartment along with valuable things collected there, relations with relatives and friends, the available scope of freedom, etc. We must be ready for it and be able to provide as detailed answers as possible, and, if necessary, find out, determine, make an appointment with the senior.

Moving a senior - what to do with a lot of things?

Moving can be a good opportunity for thorough cleaning, including the selection of things that tend to accumulate in the apartment over the years. It should be emphasized, however, that it is a good occasion, but not always. Decisions as to whether to leave an item, throw away, or give back (and if so, to whom, when, in what form) require reflection, and this - a peace of mind. It may happen that due to the stress that inevitably accompanies the move, even the most anticipated by all parties, a senior will not be able to part with even completely unnecessary things from our perspective.

In such a situation, there are several possible scenarios. The simplest, but the least effective, is to call a specialized transport company that, based on our guidelines, will professionally pack the indicated items and transport them to a new location. Then, however, the inevitable selection will only be postponed, and the new apartment may be completely “jammed” due to the multitude of furniture, boxes, suitcases.

So it is better, for example, to arrange for all children to come to their family home for a week, to be together with their father or mother (or on their own, if their he althseniors was prevented by his active presence) as efficiently as possible arrange the rooms and make difficult decisions together. In this way, it will be easier to analyze - what the senior wants to keep with him, what is worth sharing among the children, what can be left in the family home if it does not have to be sold immediately, and what, for example, should be returned to a local, regional or even nationwide museum ( it is not only about works of art, but also about historical clothes, home appliances, also photos and documents.

Another option is to transport basic furniture at the beginning and those things that at the beginning the senior deems necessary for life (however, it is worth providing support in this process, so as not to forget about a reasonable number of changes of clothes, clothes and for warmer ones, and on cooler days, various types of outerwear and shoes), and in the following days, delivery of new ones, when they are needed.

If, on the other hand, the moment of emptying the apartment is crucial - the alternative is to transport the seniors' collections to a rented self-service warehouse, i.e. the equivalent of "storage rooms", but in the commercial version - from about PLN 100 per month for a 1 m2 box, always cheaper with larger surfaces.

And should the senior be involved in the relocation process? And there is no simple answer to this question. There are two schools - one advises to involve the senior in the process so that he has a sense of control over the situation and agency; others recommend that you deal with these matters on your own, even behind the back of the senior, so that he is less exposed to stress.

Which of these two paths to choose? It seems that the first will be more appropriate in the case of younger, fully conscious and fit seniors, and the second - aged or more seriously ill. However, it is difficult to talk about the existence of any rule. In the face of the challenge, the seemingly fragile old man may turn out to be the best organizer, and the unfortunate and perfectly rational pensioner suddenly becomes extremely sentimental at the sight of the bare walls of the apartment. Therefore, it is worth following your intuition - basing on what we know about the senior's personality - and at the same time flexibly reacting to the development of events.

Moving a senior - how to help with the move?

Regardless of whether we use the help of a professional moving team, the services of an ordinary carrier, or our own transport (for example, traveling by a passenger car, or a rented large car, between two apartments) - preparation for the transport of goods looks like always the same. It is worth carrying out as carefully as possible, because contrary to appearances, it will save us time andnerves.

You should start with determining what exactly is to be transported - how many and what kind of things. It would be optimal to gather them in one room so that you have easy control over the progress of work. They should be divided into at least two groups - large dimensions (here you will find, among others, furniture, electronics, possibly selected household appliances) and small items. Make sure that larger objects cannot be disassembled - this would make it easier to carry these things and place them in the car's capacity.

Small things must be collected in cardboard boxes, boxes, suitcases or bags (unbreakable here - clothes, towels, bedding). The more fragile ones should be secured so that they do not scratch against each other (they must be wrapped or folded with, for example, bubble wrap, fabric or even pieces of paper towel) and not knocked against each other (so they must be immobilized). Boxes or crates with them should be clearly marked so that there is no doubt that they will be at the top, not the bottom of the prism.

The rule that individual devices cannot scratch or knock against each other also applies to large elements. Regardless of this, special attention should be paid to the edges and corners of the furniture - these are most easily damaged during handling or transport, so they need to be protected separately.

And how do you find a good moving company or a responsible carrier? It's worth talking with friends - maybe you will be able to use a proven, recommended address. If not, the second step will of course be searching on the Internet - the easiest way is to enter "removals" or "transport of goods" and the name of the city. And here you should pay attention to opinions, comments, stars - they can turn out to be a valuable hint.

After the initial selection of two or three companies, it is worth calling them or sending an e-mail with a handful of basic questions - about the price of transport on the indicated route, the cost of lifting and bringing things, possibly packing, and possibly also installing basic equipment. For details, you must be able to enter the number of furniture, boxes with items and other equipment to be transported.

To avoid surprises, it is good to meet a company representative on site, i.e. in the senior's apartment. An indispensable guarantee of the service at a satisfactory level will be a written contract - a professional moving team will probably come out with the initiative themselves; if the carrier "forgets" about it (e.g. for tax reasons), it is necessary to remind yourself.

Moving a senior - how to relieve stress?

Every move, even to a previously known place (like an apartment of one of the children),it means having to adapt to a new situation. Just like before the move, support will be needed for this. You have to start with taming a new place. Also for this reason - and not only strictly pragmatic reasons - it is worth moving there your favorite or commemorative furniture, decorative items, as well as various small items that may even clutter the space a little or make it difficult to clean, but will evoke pleasant memories or provoke stories.

The very process of planning a new room and the work related to it should help break the ice, and even root the senior in a new place. However, one should not be surprised if the senior himself unexpectedly declares that he does not want anything from the previous apartment in the new place. People of all ages sometimes need a new deal, a fresh impulse, detachment from the past. Moving can become such a refreshing release.

Step two is to familiarize the environment - spatial and social. There has already been talk about walks around the neighborhood of the new apartment and a thorough knowledge of the nursing home. All of this is of course very important, but in general interpersonal relationships turn out to be even more important. The basis is of course the relatives, so in the first period after the change of place of residence, you need to show special support to the parent or grandfather, especially in the form of more frequent visits and phone calls.

Let us make every effort to ensure that a senior who begins their stay in a nursing home does not feel abandoned. We should also pay attention to whether the facility itself gives special attention to newly arrived residents and tries to facilitate their adaptation, e.g. through integration activities with other seniors or the support of a psychologist. If, on the other hand, the elderly parent or grandfather comes down to our apartment, let's find time to talk for a while before going to work, and for a common afternoon or evening after returning. During the day, let's call you once or twice. Let us make children sensitive to the needs of the new household member. Let us guide each other with care.

Depending on the type of personality, as well as the current family and social situation, the next priority for a senior may be both maintaining existing ties, and maybe even renewing old acquaintances - or looking for new ones. All these activities should be planned together with the senior, so that they correspond well to his likes (or dislikes).

Especially in the first period, it is worth investing your own time and energy in this topic, organizing meetings with, e.g. .meet mum or dad with a favorite saleswoman from a local shop, invite a nice neighbor of similar age for tea, as well as go to cultural events or social meetings organized for seniors by various municipal institutions.

In the latter case, however, it is best to go not two, but three. Then the senior or senior citizen will not hesitate to leave us alone for a moment, when suddenly the spark will jump and some social relationship will start even for a moment.

However, after the stress of moving, the senior will probably want to rest a bit, be in their own company, in peace and quiet - it is worth watching him in time to intervene in his new life (especially after moving from a large a house with a garden, where there are always plenty of activities, to a small, perfectly kept apartment in a block of flats) boredom has crept in.

Then you need to create a list of local attractions that can be enjoyed alone or in a larger group - preferably in the company of various family members, but also, depending on the occasion, old and new friends. Modern old age is also joy, so let's not skip the gym, swimming pool and dancing restaurant. Let's help our loved ones enjoy the prime of life and finally free time.

What to do if the senior does not agree to the move?

You can apply for a visitor, hire private care (even for an hour a day, to deal with more difficult current affairs) or pay someone trusted in the neighborhood to help you do the shopping, clean up, possibly cook, and most importantly - make sure you take your medications or pressure measurements. In this way, we will also have a guarantee that the basic needs of mum, dad, grandmother or grandfather are satisfied, and at the same time it is time to prepare the move more calmly. It is worth using this time to better familiarize the senior with the prospect of living in another place, e.g. inviting guests for a few weeks, renting a studio apartment in the vicinity of our house for a month, taking advantage of the open day or the so-called an adaptation visit to a pre-selected nursing home. A drop bites the rock - the more positive reasons for a move the senior receives and the more calmly he can analyze them, the greater the chances that he will decide to follow our advice or recommendations.

About the authorPaweł KalińskiA graduate of the Faculty of Journalism and Political Science at the University of Warsaw, currently the editor of the interior design website Urzadzamy.pl and a regular collaborator of the monthly "M jak Mieszkanie" and "Dobrenętrz".

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Geriatrics