- I prefer to be naked
- Grażynki go to All Saints' Day
- The second time is always worse
- I didn't have to buy a pregnancy test
- Can you get infected with it?
- Yes, mom. Your daughter is incomplete
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"Do you have cancer?" - Alopecian women, i.e. women without hair, hear this question at every step. Learn the story of Agata, who at the age of 15 heard the diagnosis: alopecia areata. Excerpts from the book “Alopecjanki. Stories of bald women "by Marta Kawczyńska, HARDE publishing house, 2022.
I prefer to be naked
When Agata says her husband has never seen her without her hair, people look big. Abhishek is Indian. They met in college ten years ago, and have been married for four.
- Even though I have no hair, my husband never made me feel that I was an incomplete woman, that I was missing something.If you asked me what would be easier for me to show - a bald head or a naked body, I would say that I prefer to be naked.
Hair has always been her calling card. Simple, very dense, light brown in color. She started losing them at the age of fifteen. When the towers of the World Trade Center collapsed in New York City in Manhattan on September 11, 2001, she heard the diagnosis.
- When I finally realized that I had done everything I could to get my hair back, there was despair, anger and regret. All the emotions that accompany mourning.
I closed in on myself, I never left the house. I pretended that nothing happened, that it was the old way. I lived a good ten years in this state.
Grażynki go to All Saints' Day
Agata deals with professional consulting and sales of wigs.
There are wigs on three long shelves on plastic heads. At the very bottom, those with short hair. Agata calls them Grażynki.
- They go in motion especially in front of All Saints. They are very popular with older ladies. Maybe they want to show their family that time is kind to them and that they still have beautiful hair.
When I started getting sick, the word "wig" evaporated from my vocabulary. I didn't like it, I didn't use it, I forgot. Now, of course, I have already disenchanted them. I have a wig business after all. The word "wig" no longer holds me in check. But I prefer to say "system" or "hairreplacement ".
Agata was very active, organizing parties, getting involved in all actions that she could get involved in.
- I wanted to be among people, surround myself with as many friends as possible. All this to prove to others, but probably above all to myself, that I am wholesome and that I do not need to be ashamed.
- When my hair fell out, I also lost two people close to me. The boy I was dating left me for my friend. He came back to me, but only after my hair started to grow back as a result of the treatment. I don't want to judge him, but this return did not make me feel good at all. On the contrary. I broke down even more. It convinced me that I must look great.
Who will love the bald-headed fat man I thought I was.
The second time is always worse
- I felt the greatest relief when my last eyelash fell out. I remember looking at my mother right after that, who felt it as much, and maybe even more, than I did. I saw the tears in her eyes and I realized it was time to work it out. If I learn to live with that bald head, the disease won't take anything from me anymore. I promised myself that from now on I would not miss anything in my life.
Agata went to Warsaw to study economics with a beautiful hairstyle. Hair grew back, strong, shoulder-length. The joy did not last too long. They started falling out right after stopping steroids.
- The second time is always worse. - When the hair flies for the first time, you don't quite know what's going on.
When they grow back, the joy is great, and when they fall out again, you look at one or the other bald cake, pick it up from the floor, and in the depths of your soul you say to yourself: "Okay …". For days, weeks, maybe months, you live in constant limbo. You wonder if they will fall out completely or if the disease will stop after all. It was a quick shot for me. They all flew out.
Agata went to the Cancer Center to get a wig on her name day, on February 5.
- It was a terrible experience, but I wanted to go through it myself. Next to me sat people suffering from cancer, crying ladies, and among them I, who "only" had no hair.
There came a time in my life when I realized that you have to let go, and it doesn't mean that you are weak, that you are giving up. On the contrary. This moment was an expression of minestrength and maturity. I cut off the past with a thick line and finally started to tell the truth about myself and my illness.
I didn't have to buy a pregnancy test
- I didn't want to lie anymore that hair is growing out of my head. I admitted to the world, but actually mostly to myself, that it was a detail that didn't matter.
Agata does not hide that several years of intensive therapy helped her work on low self-esteem, constantly comparing herself with others and pleading for approval.
- I have worked through all my sorrows, regrets, relationships with loved ones and this permanent lack of self-confidence. Today I know that this is the basis for working on myself with this disease, especially when it comes to children who have suffered from alopecia. “It occurred to me that I'm not the only one with a hell of a lot of complexes about my appearance. Yet the fact that you can live with something that is not the norm really shows your strength and courage.
It was 2022. As it turned out later, it was a breakthrough time in Agata's life.
- I felt that I needed changes. I left one corporation, received an offer from the other. We tried to have a baby, but I couldn't get pregnant for a long time. To distract from our failure, I decided to change jobs. I've always wanted to do something related to hair. "Why not try it now?
She resigned from the offer she had received. She found the premises and opened the "Hair Majesty Studio Secret Service". A month later, she found out she was pregnant.
- Why such a long and mysterious name?
- I like playing with words. I replaced the English "her" or "her" with the same sounding "hair". Besides, my services are quite intimate, and the seat is hidden - hence the secret, and as I am a movie fan and one of the films about agent 007 is called In Her Majesty Secret Service In Her Majesty's Secret Service, the name looks like this.
This was the moment when she decided to "come out". It was a post that she posted on her Facebook profile.
- I wrote that I will be a mother and that it is a turning point in my life, because I feel full, even though my hair does not grow out of my head. - I broke down. I started to talk openly about it.
A few months later Jeremi was born. She was born in January 2022Nina.
- I didn't have to buy a pregnancy test. I knew immediately what was going on, because apart from not feeling well, a few hairs appeared on my head and a few eyelashes and eyebrows grew back.
In many women alopecia during pregnancy, the disease remits. Hair grows back and usually remains on the head until the end of feeding time. This is one of those times when the regained hope often disappears after a year or two. Much easier to bear, because all attention is focused on the child and not too much attention is paid to it …
- Even though I promised myself that the disease would not take anything away from me, sometimes I feel a bit anxious and wonder if it would be hereditary. I am glad that I know many people who have been ill since childhood and have he althy children.
Can you get infected with it?
Agata knows from her own experience that people can be cruelly honest.
- A very unpleasant lady once told me that since no Pole wanted to be bald, I took a colorful Indian. I figured it was just her frustration. People have a right to think that I am "deficient" because I have no hair. I just might not like me. But for me, using racism is an absolute disqualification.
Yes, mom. Your daughter is incomplete
Agata noticed that people have a great need to exchange experiences. On Facebook, she founded the Alopecjanie group - a community of people with alopecia areata.
- My systems studio became a psychotherapy room at some point. I found it necessary to separate it. And since the appetite grows with eating, after virtual acquaintances it is time for real ones.
Every few months, meetings with alopecians are organized in various Polish cities, and from June 2022, the Polish Alopecia Association, of which she became its president, also operates. In Silesia and Warsaw, those willing can use a support group.
She recalls talking to her mother. They took place on the way to a family party.
- Mum really wanted me to put on false eyelashes. I said I didn't feel like it. I heard that "it would be better if I had them". I know she wanted to protect me from prying eyes. And I? I took it as a signal that her child was somewhat deficient. With tears in my eyes, I told her, “Yes, Mom. Your daughterit is incomplete. You have to accept it without eyelashes. " There was an eloquent silence. I think that was the moment when my mother not only heard it, but also understood and accepted it. Since then, she has changed her behavior dramatically.
- Do I hope the hair will come back someday? Hope always dies last, but I don't wait. I know that sometimes things happen for no reason. Life writes various scenarios, and wondering what would happen if is terribly tiring. Like the question "Why me?" Apparently, that's how it was supposed to be.
Read also other stories of alopecia women:
- Zuzanna: "I don't think that suffering ennobles"
- Kasia: "This is me, this is my hair. I'm awesome. No more complexes! "