Sex after childbirth is a big problem for many couples. The baby changed your life. It also lived in the bedroom - literally and figuratively. After giving birth, your intimate life is different, but it can be as rewarding as it used to be. What are the causes of postpartum sex problems and how to fix them?
Sex after childbirthcan be both problematic and enjoyable. Many women experience their first orgasm only after giving birth. However, some couples then experience sexual problems. Either they behave like teenagers before the "first time" or like oldies for whom sex is just a memory. Why is this happening and how to deal with the problems?
Sex after childbirth: since when is it possible to have intercourse?
"I am the mother of three-month-old Aleksander. I miss sex because our intercourse was very regular before pregnancy. However, I do not know if it is too early to return to my erotic life. Not long ago, after all, I was still bleeding.
Puerperium, i.e. the time when a woman's body recovers after pregnancy and childbirth, lasts about 6 weeks and theoretically after this time you can return to intercourse. However, each of us reacts differently, so it is worth visiting a doctor after the puerperium to check if there are any medical contraindications to return to sex.
The gynecologist will assess whether the vaginal bleeding is over (the uterus may be cleansing for more than 6 weeks), and will also check any scars after an incision or rupture of the perineum - many women complain of pain in the places where there are scars. If you've had a cesarean, your doctor will look at the suture after the cut. The postoperative wound may heal badly, and it also happens that it spreads immediately after delivery, e.g. as a result of great effort. Then having sex would be risky.
However, if everything is fine and you feel that you are ready - do not delay this moment. Begin with a long foreplay - it will be time for you to break down your fear of pain, loosen up and relax. Let your man know that if you feel even minimal discomfort, you will let him know to stop and give you a moment, e.g. to change positions or rest.
Sex after childbirth: no desire for sex
"My five-month-old daughter sucks not only milk from me, butand strength and willingness to coexist. I know my husband expects us to get along in bed as he used to, but I don't feel the need to make love to him at all. "
Reluctance to have sex is one of the most common problems faced by young mothers. In order to fight for a successful marriage, it is worth finding out about the causes of your bed problems.
- First: hormones. After giving birth, a woman's body begins to produce large amounts of prolactin, a hormone that decongest the uterus and is essential for the production of milk for the baby. Unfortunately, prolactin also inhibits your sex drive, so you don't even think about sex.
- Second: fatigue. You look after your baby all day long - you feed, change, wash, go for walks. Usually, even at night, you can't get enough sleep. So as soon as you put them to sleep in the evening, you dream of jumping into bed to fall asleep as soon as possible. It's understandable that you don't feel like or have any energy to frolic.
- Third: not accepting your appearance. Young mother often feels unattractive. She is overweight because she has not yet managed to lose weight after pregnancy, she does not have time to take care of her beauty: go to the hairdresser or even put on makeup, because she devotes all her time to her baby.
- Fourth: some women need the right atmosphere for sex: dim lights, soft music, the sensual scent of massage oils. The first months with a toddler do not provide such comfort. When parents feel like having sex, they often have to do so quickly, between one feed and the next, or before the baby wakes up and reminds him of his loud crying. And where's the time for foreplay?
Therefore, if your partner insists on intercourse and you are not convinced, try to rest first. Transfer some household and child responsibilities to him. When he goes out for a walk with his stroller, relax in a bathtub with warm water or just get some sleep. Then you do your hair and make-up, so that you feel like not only a good mother, but also a beautiful woman. Remember how good you used to be in bed together. Maybe then you'll feel like love?
Sex after childbirth: fear of another pregnancy
"I had a complicated labor, which after 10 hours of suffering ended in a caesarean section. When I think about going through this again, I'm paralyzed by fear. That's why I avoid having sex with my husband, because I don't want to have a second child. "
Sometimes fear is stronger than desire. When a woman has bad memories after giving birth, is tired and exhausted from caring for her baby, she promises herself that she will never get into such a situation again andshe will not give birth to another child. Therefore, she begins to avoid sexual intercourse, or she makes love with her husband without pleasure, only thinking about whether she is well protected against pregnancy. This fear is all the more understandable that in the first months after giving birth - if the mother is breastfeeding the baby - contraceptive options are very limited.
But you can't be scared all the time, because that way you will go crazy or ruin your relationship. Remember that lactation prevents you from getting pregnant for some time (prolactin inhibits ovulation), but be careful, because some women only benefit from this benefit of nature for only 3-4 months after giving birth. If you want to feel confident, ask your doctor to choose a method of contraception for you. Classic, two-component pills are excluded, because estrogens get into the food and may adversely affect the child's body, and they also reduce the efficiency of food production and its composition.
Your doctor may, however, prescribe single-phase tablets (so-called mini-pills) that do not contain estrogen, or recommend the use of a condom or vaginal gels. A traditional or hormonal IUD is also a good solution. Once you feel safe, you will start enjoying sex again.
Problem- It happens that after giving birth you do not feel satisfied with intercourse or that you reach orgasm for a very long time. This is the fault of the relaxation of the muscles of the vagina and perineum - during childbirth they become flaccid, which worsens the quality of sex. However, don't worry about it, just perform Kegel exercises systematically. After a few weeks, everything will return to normal, including the satisfaction with sex.
- In the beginning, you should decide which position to make love to. The best ones are those during which the woman controls the pace of intercourse and the depth of frictional movements.
Sex after childbirth: when your partner does not want to have sex
" It's been 4 months since I gave birth and my husband still doesn't want to have sex with me. Maybe he doesn't like me anymore?"
For most men, a pregnancy of a partner and the arrival of a baby are a big shock. This applies, for example, to those who were present at the birth, although they did not want to - were forced by their partner. The memory of a wife giving birth, bloodied and suffering, may make them reluctant to have sex again. So is the observation of all postpartum physiology. Bleeding, leaking milk from the breasts can be unpleasant for some men, to put it mildly. Especially for those who thought that a wife a week after giving birth would look like she did on the first date. Very often, a young dad also has concerns that sex afterchildbirth is "out of place".
After all, the woman does not have the strength for such games now. Besides, how to touch her breasts when they are now "reserved" for the baby? And other intimate places? Will caresses not cause pain? The best way to deal with such concerns is an honest conversation. You must know your expectations and needs. A man should know if a woman wants sex, and if so, if she wants to experience intercourse, or if she prefers only caresses.
It is also important for your partner to tell your wife about your fear of causing her pain, or about the feelings you feel when you see her breasts swollen with milk. It will testify to both his love and maturity. However, if a young dad cannot cope with the new situation, he should see a sexologist. The specialist will help him accept her and rediscover his lover in the mother of his child.
"M jak mama" monthly