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What is true friendship and how to recognize it early enough not to miss it? There are many beautiful quotes about friendship, but also a lot of false information is circulating around it. Here are 7 friendship myths that will teach you to tell the difference between friends and acquaintances.

Friendship quote

A well-known quote says that"You meet true friends when you are poor" . But how do you recognize a true friend in the gray of everyday life? How to distinguish him in the crowd of friends who surround us every day?

The myth of friendship: people I have a good time with are my friends

On Saturday afternoon Joasia is going to the club with her friends as usual. In winter, she was skiing with the company, and in summer she goes "sails". "He has so many friends!" I think with a little jealousy. And suddenly I remember one March evening when she called me crying.

She was sick, but there was no one with her to go to the pharmacy or give her a cup of tea. Where were her " friends " then? Exactly … how hastily we use this word to describe people who pass through our lives. We call thisfriendswith whom we meet at the grill, friends with whom we go for a beer, friends with whom we organize weekend trips outside the city, or new friends from holidays.

But let's face it: most of them find us attractive as long as we have a good time together. Hence such a great disappointment when "friends" fade into fog whenever we have any trouble. - The most important question is who we call our friend - says psychologist Mirosława Kownacka. - The meaning of this word has become very shallow in our times.

We call it all our friends and suddenly it turns out that we have a bunch of friends. And yet a friendship is a deep bond built over the years, it is a relationship that goes through various phases and is exposed to various tests. Usually, each of us has a few, and sometimes only one, true friends.

The myth of friendship: a friend should know everything about me

You don't have to pretend anything in front of your friend. You can really be yourself, you can safely "discover" yourself, show your weaknesses. - But it's not about showing absolutely everything! - says Mirosława. - Friendship is not about lettingto completely "expose" yourself to another person.

It is unnecessary and against human nature, because each of us has an inner area that is only his, and it does not mean that if he hides it, there is something wrong with friendship. However, it is extremely important to trust and be aware that when we show our friend our "worse" side, he will not turn away from us or use what he knows against us. A friend is someone who can be loyal and can keep a secret.

The myth of friendship: a friend should accept all my faults

Why do we need a friend? Is it only to listen to our complaints, stroke our heads and save us from every life oppression? A friend should accept us unconditionally, which does not mean agreeing to everything or tolerating what is reprehensible in our conduct. A kind person can be critical of us and, if necessary, warn against the consequences of wrong decisions.

We naively expect that a friend will solve all our problems, protect us from the consequences of unwise actions, pay off our debts, and settle difficult matters. And that's not the point! - Friendship is not only about comforting and protecting each other, but also about signaling that something is wrong - says the psychologist. - The only thing is that we can say difficult things properly without judging or hurting the other person.

Often, misunderstandings between people close to you are caused by communication problems. And because we disappoint our friends … it's not always their fault. Sometimes we just expect too much and try to blame others for our own lives.

Problem

Psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm believed that the most basic human fear is the fear of separation from other people. He believed that the experience of separation, which we first encounter in early childhood, causes anxiety and sadness later in life. Most of us resist loneliness. Some people are so desperate that they run out of space in the calendar with their phones. But will the taboos of people with whom we strive to maintain even the thinnest thread of contact protect us from loneliness and support us in times of need?

The myth of friendship: a friend must always have time for me

After separating from her husband, Magda could not recover for a long time. She shared her sorrows with a friend who patiently endured her night calls and sobbing on the phone. Months passed - no changes. Magda's demand for support and expectations were more and more insistent, and finally my friend did notdurable and definitely limited contacts.

Friendship is perhaps the greatest gift that wisdom can give a man to make him happy his whole life.

- Friendship is not a service, and a friend cannot be available at our every call - says Mirosława Kownacka. - Besides, there must be a balance between what we give to others and what we take from them. If someone hangs like ivy on another person, it's not a true friendship!

In such a situation, emotional dependence is born, which destroys the relationship, as well as any other dependence. True closeness between people is pure, disinterested and free of any dependence. Maybe that is why it is so difficult to believe in a friendship between a woman and a man … It is also difficult to maintain a friendship in a marriage where there are always some dependencies and mutual entanglements, even financial. That's why I admire so much women who can say: my husband is my best friend.

Important

According to the research, we statistically have around 30 friends at any time, including 6 relatives. Throughout our lives, each of us gets to know about 400 people on average. Keeping all acquaintances is impossible, so we stay in touch only with less than 40 people.

Usually everyone has only one or a few real friends. Almost 60 percent of us puts their friendships above their career and money, and even… family. Friendship is a good investment in he alth. People who have close friends live longer and are happier than those who have no friends.

Women are more open to friendship - on average they have one friend more than men. Both gentlemen and ladies find friendship with a woman more emotionally satisfying than with a man.

The myth of friendship: an old friendship won't rust

It is said that childhood friendships are the most durable. But is it really so? - Not necessarily - says the psychologist. - Early friendships often result from situations, they are not our choice. Children live next to each other, play in the same yard, so natural bonds are born. Later, our paths with childhood friends often diverge. The more mature a person is, the greater the chance that the relationship will be deeper. That is why friendships from, for example, college are usually more durable.

The myth of friendship: you have to remember my name day

How to cultivate a friendship so that it survives? First of all, taking care of its quality. If there is a really strong bond between people, then it's easier to forgive petty thingsomissions, such as not remembering the name day or not making New Year's wishes. Even if you don't call on Christmas, nothing will happen - your friend knows that you wish her well! If, on the other hand, you do not find time for her when she needs your support, it will be a serious shortcoming that may shake your friendship.

In friendship, it's important not to be petty. You have to constantly find acceptance within yourself, not try to educate and change your friend. You have to be there, listen to and support, without criticizing and imposing your own image of the world. It is also important to be able to find time for yourself in the midst of the burden of duties and to let your friend understand in various situations that it is important to us, that we remember about him and appreciate him very much.

The myth of friendship: friendship is not worth taking care of, because if it is true, it will survive any storm

Sometimes it seems to us that it is enough to define a relationship with another person once and it will always be like that. We idealize friendship, and so does love. Meanwhile, life puts us through numerous trials, from which neither we, nor our friends always come out victorious. Friendship is not only about the pleasant moments that we spend together. These are also difficult moments - we will survive them together or not …

It is no accident that we say that you meet friends in poverty, because extreme situations are the greatest test. In a difficult moment, a friend gives us a sense of security by his mere presence. It acts as a wall to lean against. The moments when we feel a deep connection with another human being give us enormous energy and strength.

Hundreds of studies have been conducted in the world which have proven that people who have friends live longer and are happier than those who do not. That is why it is worth taking care of friendship … even when we are not sure how our friend will behave in a difficult situation. What to do to avoid disappointment? - Do not expect anything, be ready for everything - my friend Kasia said wisely.

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Category:

Psychology