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Adopting a child is the best solution when biological parents are unwilling or unable to meet their obligations. In Poland, adoption is possible by conventional or direct adoption (adoption with indication). Find out about the procedure for adopting a child and what conditions must be met by future adoptive parents.

Adopting a childis a decision made by parents of 3.6 thousand each year. kids. This is not much, considering that 20,000 children are waiting for their parents in orphanages. kids. However, most of them cannot be adopted due to the unregulated legal situation. Couples interested in adopting a child most often apply for newborns or infants in order to enjoy their childhood as long as possible, as well as fearing the bad experiences of the child. For those who have not found parents in our country, foreign adoption is a chance for a normal life. Usually, it is visited by children over 7 years of age, sick, developmental retarded, genetically burdened, e.g. with mental illness, and numerous siblings (siblings do not separate).

There are two ways of adopting a child:more frequent, supported by psychologists and educators, conventional adoption, i.e. by the adoption and care center, and controversial direct adoption when the mother herself decides, who to give the child to (adoption with indication). Most specialists argue that there are many dangers in indicative adoption, and are opposed to it. It raises the suspicion that money is at stake, which is simply child trafficking. Because the biological parents contact the adoptive parents, they meet in court, they know their personal data, while in an ordinary adoption, the adoptive parents remain anonymous to the natural parents.

Rules for adopting a child

1. Only an abandoned childcan be adopted, i.e. one whose biological parents have died or are alive, but have renounced their parental responsibility or the court has deprived them of this right. It is best when the mother, who is unable and unwilling to deal with raising the child, decides to give it back immediately after giving birth, as this shortens the waiting time for new parents.

2. The decision to entrust a child must be carefully considered because it is hersthe consequences will be irreversible.Therefore, a woman who left a child may change her mind within 6 weeks. For adoption candidates, this means that there is no possibility of adopting a child before they are 6 weeks old. Any prior agreements with the mother, even in writing, are non-binding. There is also no possibility of entering into a legally binding contract during pregnancy, which is practiced, for example, in the United States.

3. Sometimes it turns out that the problem that seemed hopeless for the biological parents can be solved and the child returns to his / her own family. . blanket waiver). Then the baby is free and within a few days, via the adoption center, can go to a new family, where it awaits the adoption hearing.

4. One cannot adopt abandoned children(this also applies to children found in the so-called windows of life) until it is established who their biological parents are and where they are. Therefore, the road to adopting these children is especially long. Cases of deprivation of parental authority can drag on for years when parents who neglect a child do not want to waive their rights and do not do enough to take care of them responsibly.

Meanwhile, the earlier a child is adopted and surrounded by love, the greater the chance that it will be possible to protect it from the effects of an orphan disease. However, taking a child away from their parents is always the last resort. If there is a chance of improving the family situation, the court restricts the parents' rights, not deprives them. A child who is 13 years old has to consent to adoption.

How long does it take to adopt a child?

The task of adoption and care centers is to find the best parents for a child. This is achieved through a usually 9-month verification and training system. During this time, psychologists and educators check the predisposition of candidates for parents, whether they are able to provide the child not only with material existence, but also an emotional sense of security, and prepare them to be adoptive parents. In Poland, the law allows single persons to adopt.

During the initial interview, the candidates present the reasons for their decision and preferences related to the child - some want to adopt only an infant, others mainly want the biological family to be free from addictions or genetic diseases. The waiting time for a child varies from one to several years.

Who can become the adoptive parent?

Adoption can happentry couples who have at least 5 years of marriage experience. Why? According to statistics, the highest number of divorces was recorded in the first 5 years. The employees of the centers emphasize that the point is not to throw logs on potential parents, but to ensure family stability for a child who has already been abandoned.

The age difference between the future parents and the child must not exceed 40 years.

Parents should be free from addictions, have a stable income, good opinion from work. A medical certificate of fertility treatment is required (the latter requirement is flexible, spouses who may or already have biological children may also adopt a child). Each case is treated individually. During the training, the employees of the center make the candidates aware that taking care of the child, loving him unconditionally, will require a lot of effort from them. Every abandoned child is somehow mentally crippled. Even the one that was given up in infancy. The mother of such a child was most often under stress throughout her pregnancy, she often drank or took drugs, ate poor nutrition and worked beyond her strength. All this leaves a mark on the child's psyche. The effects may vary and depend on the type of trauma, the scale and duration of the phenomenon, and the child's sensitivity. Aggression, the inability to establish emotional bonds that are formed between biological parents and the child, inability to function in a group - these are problems that will have to be de alt with. Nine months is the time to think about your decision. You have to be sure that you will not shun your baby off when the first trouble arises. Psychological workshops, as well as meetings with parents who have previously adopted children, are a great support for the insecure.

Important

10 steps to adoption

What are the main stages of the adoption process (the exact procedure in individual centers may differ slightly):

1.Initial interview and collecting documents (e.g. marriage certificate, he alth certificate that you are not registered in a drug addiction clinic, earnings, no criminal record, opinion from the workplace).

2.Meeting with a pedagogue and psychologist (learning about the motives of adoption, possibilities and psychological predispositions of candidates for parents).

3.Community interview (the visit at home is aimed at checking the social conditions and getting to know the candidates better).

4.Participation in the training (presenting problems related to adopting a child and ways of solving them).

5. Qualifying candidates for adoption (the placement committee of the center prepares the opinion needed to be submitted to the family court).

6.Presentation of information about the selected child (discussion of his family situation, he alth condition).

7.The first contact of future parents with the child where he or she is, e.g. at an orphanage (you can talk to the educator, psychologist, doctor of the facility, from now on child).

8.Preparing an application to the family court for the adoption of a child and submitting it with the documentation collected in the center (employees of the center participate together with the parents in court proceedings).

9.Most often, the court expressly agrees to take the child home for the so-called the pre-adoption period, at the second hearing - adoption - adoption is announced.

10.After the decision becomes final (21 days), a new birth certificate is prepared.

Differences between a conventional adoption and an adoption with an indication of

Our law allows for the procedure in which the biological mother herself finds the parents for the child. Until recently, adoption with indication was used only within the family, e.g. a dying mother wanted her sister to take care of her child. Currently, similar to Western countries, it is used more and more often by people who are not related. It is estimated that this method of adoption is chosen by about 1,000 families a year, that is every third adopting a child. Often these are couples who have been rejected at the adoption center. Parents looking for a child are ready to pay a lot of money for it. What's the law? Trade can only be considered when it is related to the intention of using a person, e.g. for prostitution, selling for organs.

A person who organizes the adoption for material benefits may be sent to prison for 5 years. Such cases happen, and intermediaries contact parents on internet forums.

Adoption with indication carries many other threats. Mothers do not report their children to centers or leave them in hospitals, but mostly look for their parents via the Internet. The biological and adoptive parents contact each other on forums, talk on the phone (in ordinary adoption, adoptive parents know about biological parents as much as the center managed to find out about them, and natural parents know nothing about adoptive parents). The only question is whether the mother giving the announcement: "I will give the baby in good hands" tells future parents that she drank during pregnancy, so the childshe may have fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), is on drugs, is on psychotropic drugs? Just as candidates for parents try their best (not always honestly) to present to their biological mother, she can hide something. There is time to learn the truth and experienced employees at the center. The biological mother, who knows the child's new address, can invade adoptive parents, threaten with taking the child away, and demand money. Although there is no chance for this in the light of the law, the very awareness of all this causes fear in adoptive parents and disturbs the family peace. You can find a mother who will allow the newborn to live in a new family immediately after birth, and will pick up the child before the end of 6 weeks, because she wanted to extort money.

Women who decide to adopt this type of adoption think that they will choose the best home for their children. The problem is that they usually cannot cope with their own lives, and have neither the knowledge nor the ability to make proper verification. Admittedly, in case of doubts, the court may refer potential parents to the adoption center for psychological tests and community interview. This allows you to believe that the child will not end up in the wrong people. But will it go to the best? Proper preparation of adoptive parents is ensured by the Act on supporting the family and the system of foster care. According to it, all people applying for adoption must undergo training in an adoption center.

When do you tell your child that he or she has been adopted?

Adoptive parents receive a copy of a new birth certificate with their surname and an annotation that they are the parents in the registry office. The old file is classified. When a child turns 18 and wants to find out who their biological parents are, they will be able to apply for declassification. But keeping knowledge of biological parents secret is one thing, and informing your child about the adoption is another. According to specialists, the child should find out as soon as possible that he is adopted, preferably in preschool age. Life shows that keeping a secret usually fails and sooner or later the child learns about everything from the "kind" ones, which comes with a serious shock.

How to tell the truth? Trust your intuition and creativity. The atmosphere of such a conversation should be warm, full of kindness. Speak transparently, truthfully: I am your mother and you are your adopted daughter. When your child asks what this means, calmly explain as you translate other words. You can tell a fairy tale about an adopted girl, emphasizing that her parents were very much waiting for her. It's important to be clear: Mom didn't give birth to you, but we love you and you areour child. The toddler will naturally accept it and the adoption will not be negative for him. You must not tell your child that it has been abandoned because it creates a trauma. Better to say that it is not known exactly why your parents could not take care of them, assuring you: Mom surely loved you because she gave birth to you.

According to an expertdr Aleksandra Piotrowska, doctor of psychology from the University of Warsaw

Proper functioning of a person in life, at school, peer group, family, professional work begins with a happy childhood. The earliest period is of particular importance. The attachment that is born between the baby and the loving parents gives the baby a sense of security that is just as important as his other basic needs. The child, feeling loved and safe, gets to know the world, observes and touches it more and more boldly. He gains new knowledge and skills, and develops his intelligence. Upbringing outside the family, in various care centers, or in a pathological family, where the child gets nothing apart from food, prevents emotional bonds, increases the feeling of fear, loss and loneliness.

The orphan disease develops, as is the term for a set of symptoms that results from a lack of love. The child grows slower, weighs too little and is less physically fit than his peers. He has poor immunity, so he gets sick more often. He develops more slowly in terms of cognition, has poorer concentration, perceptiveness, problems with analytical thinking, remembering and associating facts, as a result he learns slower, from infancy to adulthood. In extreme cases, mental retardation may occur. The emotional and social sphere is also disturbed.

It turns out that it is not enough to be human to be able to love, sympathize and experience. We have to learn all of this in contact with a tender, loving person. When we do not receive such care, we are emotionally handicapped to some extent. Simple emotions are given by biology, so a person with a severe orphan illness feels contentment, dissatisfaction, anger, anger, fear, but not the more sophisticated ones, which we call feelings. They don't automatically appear. Children with an orphan disease are apathetic, indifferent, they do not care what is happening to them, or they are aggressive, rebellious. Sometimes the disease can manifest itself as self-aggression - the toddler bites his fingers, tears his hair out, hits his head on the floor, the older child mutilates himself in order to attract attention, hug, care and care.

The impaired feeling goes hand in hand with a low level of socialization. People with an orphan disease cannot cope withcontacts with other people, cannot function in a group. Even if they try to form permanent bonds, they often fail, and the relationships fail. The development and effects of an orphan disease depend on its duration. The only way to stop her is to put the abandoned child in family care as soon as possible. It is important to know that recovering from illness is a long process, it requires patience and knowledge of how to deal with it from parents. Usually the help of a psychologist is needed.

"Zdrowie" monthly

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Psychology