Therapy for couples works because in every relationship there are difficult moments when you have enough of everything, you even think about breaking up … But before you make such a decision, try to fight for the relationship. Sometimes only a therapist can help repair the relationship between partners. How does marriage therapy work?

You never know whencouples therapywill prove useful.A crisis in a relationshipcan arise at any time, whether we've been together for 5 or 20 years. It is natural. It can be caused by, for example, a pursuit of a career, the division of responsibilities at home, following other standards in raising children, imposing one's own arguments by one of the parties or "flying out" of the children from the family nest. It sometimes happens that the reasons are deeper - one or two people bring "problematic background" to the relationship, eg related to growing up in a violent or alcoholic family. This emotional burden affects the relationships between partners and may deepen the crisis.

Couples therapy on the bend

Very often relationship problems are aggravated by disturbed communication. It is difficult for us to talk openly about mutual expectations and feelings, we do not listen to each other. We also cannot accept that each of us is different, and we persistently try to match our partner to each other. But the longer everyone "pulls their way," the more difficult it is to reach agreement. We start to move away from each other or we fight for every little thing, feeling more and more anger, bitterness, and unfulfillment. There is no room for concern, support, and respect for the needs of the other person, but grievances and a sense of rejection grow.

Important

Where to find support

Ask among your friends - maybe one of them will recommend a good therapist. Do not follow the opinions of websites, because you cannot be sure that anonymous authors provide true information in them. When looking for a clinic and a therapist, choose larger centers with at least a dozen therapists. Usually they are people from different therapeutic trends, with different experience and skills, which allows for the optimal adjustment of work methods and the therapist. In such clinics, supervisions are carried out on a regular basis, which ensure the high quality of the services provided.

Therapy for couples - before it's too late …

If, after several attempts to resolve the crisis, it failswe come to an agreement, it is worth going to a therapist. - It is best to meet at the couples therapy when we still want to fight for a relationship, but at the same time when we start to feel helpless, we do not know what else we can do to change the situation in the relationship - says Monika Dreger, psychologist, couples therapist. It's always worth a try, lest you regret we didn't do anything to fix the relationship.

The worst thing is staying side by side in a dead relationship where feelings have burned out and nothing is connected anymore. Or only a child connects us. - Drawing a child into our games is dramatic for him, because he strongly takes all blows.

But sometimes it may be too late for therapy, especially when the crisis is very advanced, the partners feel burned out, hurt each other, they become indifferent to each other. - It very often happens that one side wants to start therapy and the other opposes it. After some time, the side that was trying to do this gives up. And this is the worst moment in a relationship, because this side is already emotionally distant from the other person - explains the psychologist. It is a steep slope.

Couples therapy: second chance

Therapy allows you to rebuild the relationship, heal relationships between partners. It provides individual benefits - it allows you to get to know yourself, your needs, aspirations, expectations towards your partner better - and for the couple - it improves the communication style, helps clear up misunderstandings, reactions, find compromises and ways out of difficult situations. A therapist can help us understand each other better. It's also easier for an outsider to see where the problem really lies. It is difficult to determine in advance how long the therapy will take, and what accelerates it is the couple's motivation to work on the relationship - the willingness to change and confront problems. they must participate in it, the therapy will be long and arduous, because it will begin with making this couple aware that they are the creators of what is happening in their lives - emphasizes the psychologist. - The therapeutic process will be longer if the couple is separated into individual therapy, because there are problems that, for various reasons, should not or should not be discussed in the presence of the partner.

Important

The therapist is not an arbitrator

Therapy is designed to help couples understand and solve their problems. At work, the therapist is not deprived of his own feelings. But it doesn't decide who is right, it helps you understand yourself and the other person. The therapist's work is supervised by a supervisor - a specialist with extensive experience (with a certificate).Regular meetings with the supervisor (supervisions) consist in consulting the course of therapy and other issues related to the therapist's duties. They help him to look at his own experience in working with the patient, as well as the obstacles that may arise during the therapy, both on the side of the therapist and the patient.

Therapy for couples or healing the relationship

Mending a relationship starts with the couple making a decision that they want to go to therapy. The next step is to come to the meeting and understand the motivation that drives us. - Very often people are motivated to change their partner, not themselves, and this is a bad motivation - notes the psychologist. - We can't change partners. We can change ourselves and, through this change, change our partner and relationship. At this stage, you can often see if the therapy will be successful or not, because the intrinsic motivation and understanding that you need to contribute to the therapy for the relationship to change means that it is possible. therapy should be carried out and methods should be selected. If the problem affects two, she recommends working in a pair. If one of the people is burdened with problems from the family home or previous relationships - individual therapy is needed. In this case, it is only after some time that you can meet in a pair. The next stage of work is learning to communicate. - Without proper communication it is impossible to talk about difficult things. We must be prepared to be able to talk about it, be able to hear it and be able to confront it - says the psychologist with emphasis. The next step is talking about mutual needs, that is, as if building a relationship. It is important to get to know them, satisfy and find solutions so that the relationship can be satisfactory for both parties. One of the last steps is to make changes to your relationship and assess if it works for your daily life. Closing the therapy is preceded by fewer and fewer meetings with the therapist and still testing what we learned during the therapy.

Happy … separately

The therapy is supposed to prevent the couple from breaking up, but sometimes it fails. - In a way, paradoxically, parting can be healing - says the psychologist. - Because during therapy we really realize what we expect from the partner and the relationship and whether it is possible, and when the relationship breaks up, we give ourselves a second chance to find another partner, create a new relationship on a different basis.

Important

Where to find support

Ask among your friends - maybe one of them will recommend a good therapist. Do not be guided by opinions from websiteswebsites, because you cannot be sure that the anonymous authors provide true information in them. When looking for a clinic and a therapist, choose larger centers with at least a dozen therapists. Usually they are people from different therapeutic trends, with different experience and skills, which allows for the optimal adjustment of work methods and the therapist. In such clinics, supervisions are carried out on a regular basis, which ensure the high quality of the services provided.

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Psychology