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A perfectionist does not allow himself to be understanding towards himself or others - if something is to be done by him or others, it must be done correctly. Theoretically, perfectionism - at least by some employers - could be considered a favorable trait, but in practice it can be a source of considerable difficulties. This is because striving for everything to be done absolutely perfectly can eventually result in the task undertaken by the perfectionist… not getting done at all. Read who a perfectionist is, learn how to live with him and learn about his characteristics.

Perfectionistis a person who obsessively strives to ensure that the challenges he poses are implemented in the best possible way and without any mistakes.

Perfectionist: who is he?

- Only the one who does nothing is not mistaken - a very large number of people will agree with such a saying, but certainly no perfectionist has a similar opinion. For people in whom perfectionism is a clearly noticeable trait, there are simply no half-measures - all tasks they undertake must be performed fully correctly.

Anyone can be a perfectionist - an elderly person, a young adult, and even a child. The reasons for the occurrence of this feature in humans are not entirely clear. It is suspected that genes influence the development of this problem - it turns out that when one of the twins shows the features of perfectionism, the chances that the other will behave similarly are very high.

However, the most crucial period for the possible development of perfectionism is adolescence - various difficulties that arise in this period of life, which can ultimately result in a given person becoming a perfectionist.

The problems that may contribute to perfectionism include: parents' excessive expectations towards the child, constant criticism of the young person and early loss of a loved one (e.g. one of the parents).

Perfectionist: personality characteristics

For a perfectionist, the word "forbearance" is basically foreign: what matters most to him is thatthat various activities or tasks were performed in accordance with the rules (usually adopted only by himself). This applies to both professional and household duties.

A perfectionist at work can check his project several dozen times before sending it and hand it over to his supervisor only when he becomes absolutely sure that everything is fine with it. For a perfectionist, there are no half measures: he either does something right or he doesn't do it at all.

One has to distinguish here "good" from "perfect". A minor mistake that most people would simply not care about can inspire a perfectionist with a serious sense of guilt or anger at himself. So you could say that for a perfectionist the world is black and white: either something is done right or completely wrong.

It may seem that perfectionism in certain professions - e.g. accounting - could even be an expected feature. In practice, however, not necessarily - striving for the task undertaken by the perfectionist to be completed correctly, as it may result in the fact that the task of this … will not be completed at all.

Repeatedly self-checking or correcting even the tiniest (and essentially completely irrelevant to the task) errors can firstly significantly increase the amount of time a perfectionist needs to complete a given activity. In addition, full focus on the need to accurately fulfill a given obligation may lead to the fact that a person loses sight of the main goal for which he performs a given activity. In addition, the constant fear of making a mistake may result in a feeling of even considerable anxiety and fear.

It is worth mentioning here that perfectionism can in some way impoverish human life. It happens that a perfectionist - fearing that he will not manage to do something perfectly - will avoid taking on new challenges or responsibilities. It can be difficult to persuade him to go ice skating or billiards for the first time in his life, and it is not easy to persuade him to change his job.

After all, perfectionism is related to the fact that a person displaying this trait tries to be perfect at all costs - so he may be afraid of new challenges due to potential failure, which perfectionists hate too well.

Perfectionist: how to live with him?

It is difficult to deal with a perfectionist on basically every level, both in professional life and in the family environment. At work, a perfectionist - especially one who holds a managerial position - can make extremely meticulous demands on his subordinates. Appearingperfectionism, the boss will not look favorably at even minor shortcomings - so it is quite easy to get a reprimand from him. It may also happen that the perfectionist, believing that only he is able to perform a given task properly, will take over the duties that actually belong to his co-workers.

Perfectionism at home can also be quite a serious problem - it can lead to even a high intensity of conflicts. For a perfectionist, it is important that everything is done perfectly - this may include, among others, shopping, cleaning, but also the marks achieved by the child of the perfectionist parent. An inadequately washed utensil - even one piece of cutlery - can result in the perfectionist forcing the person who washes it to repeat the procedure again.

A child of a perfectionist who receives "only" a four with a plus instead of a six at school may meet with his dissatisfaction and persuasion to put much more effort into learning.

The relationship with a perfectionist is also not easy. Such a person may impose their rules in their common life - e.g. cosmetics in the bathroom, according to them, must be in a strictly defined order (because only this is appropriate), they may also negate a way of folding clothes other than their own (after all, only the one that is used by her, is the right one).

How to deal with your own perfectionism?

Perfectionism can literally poison life, not only for the person who manifests it, but also for the people around them. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with it. First of all, you need to be understanding with yourself.

It is worth asking yourself: what happens if you make a minor mistake at work or what happens if one of the dishes in the house is not washed thoroughly? The answer is generally simple: nothing. You just have to realize that every human being has the right to make mistakes and making them not only takes away nothing, but even more - enriches us. In the end, when we make a mistake, only then we learn what its consequences are and therefore we can avoid committing another mistake in the future.

It should also be taken into account that the already mentioned consequence of perfectionism is avoiding engaging in new activities, entertainment and tasks - the reason is fear that the perfectionist will not be able to do them properly.

It is worth overcoming such fears, finally trying a new entertainment or taking on new commitments - although at the beginning it can be difficult and not always everything is done properly - it brings you to lifea note of novelty that simply adds color to them.

In a situation where perfectionism is very intense in our country and we notice that it hinders our functioning, it is worth considering using specialist help. You can go to a psychologist or psychotherapist, for example. Specialists will not only be able to identify ways to overcome perfectionism, but they will also be able to determine whether perfectionism is simply a feature of a given person or is part of one of the personality disorders, which is sometimes manifested by perfectionism - we are talking about personality here. anankastic.

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Perfectionist test

Think you can be a perfectionist? Perform the test below - it will help you find out if there is anything that indicates that you may be such a person.

1. At work:

a) you feel comfortable working both independently and in groups;

b) you prefer to act on your own - when you have to work with others, they can destroy the effects of your work, additionally you often improve various things for your co-workers;

c) I don't care whether I work alone or with someone else, the most important thing is that this work should be as little as possible.

2. In connection:

a) you know how to compromise - after all, the way to happiness is creating a common path;

b) you like to dominate - it is best to plan a holiday trip, arrange furniture in the apartment or clean your shared house;

c) it doesn't matter who makes the decisions - it's important that they are right.

3. You have an important job to do. After you finish it, it turns out that you've made a few mistakes. How do you feel then?

a) I analyze errors and make corrections - everyone has some minor failures;

b) I am furious with myself and I promise myself that next time I will check everything more carefully so that I will not make any more mistakes like this;

c) wave it all with my hand - next time it'll work out.

4. You ask family members for help in preparing a family party. Shortly before the arrival of the guests, however, you notice that the dumplings prepared by your relatives have a very unusual shape and the vegetables in the salad are cut inaccurately. What are you doing?

a) I absolutely do not care - I am glad that the family tried and wanted to help me;

b) I panic - this cannot be served to guests, so I take the dishes from the table orI make new dishes in a hurry;

c) I'm not interested in it - after all, the guests will eat what I give them anyway.

5) You go through your child's diary and you notice that there is one plus three among all Fridays. How do you react?

a) no problem - everyone gets a little stumble, so I tell the child not to worry about it;

b) I am indignant - it is impossible, apparently I am learning too little;

c) My child's grades are his own business, not mine.


Most Answers a) : Your approach to life is quite flexible, which allows you to keep a balance in your daily life. You seem to be able to find your place in all conditions.

Most Answers b) : Chances are you're a perfectionist. If you begin to feel that the pursuit of perfection is starting to hinder your life, you may consider enlisting the help of a psychologist.

Most replies c) : Your life is loose, and probably even… too much slack. Just as perfectionism can be tedious, ignoring various things can also cause various problems.

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