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A white marriage is a relationship in which the partners do not have sex. Its causes can be very different - read what makes people decide to live in a white marriage and find out if this type of relationship can be officially entered into.

White marriage: what is it?

The white marriagetakes its name from the color of the dress worn by the bride - virgin during the wedding. Except, at least in theory, both she and her husband later begin their sex life. Meanwhile, people living inwhite marriages(which do not really have to be married, may be in a free relationship - this term is not an official wording) completely and for various reasons give up sex.

In history we can find many examples of white marriage. This is how Saint Kinga lived with Bolesław V the Chaste and Leszek the Black with princess Grzymisława of Halicka. There are many hypotheses about them: one says that in the first relationship there was no sex on the initiative, already a saint. Kinga, the other completely denies it - the gentlemen were not to want to consume their marriages with their wives, but they were to remain in a homosexual relationship. With each other because both couples lived at the same time. This hypothesis could, in turn, be contradicted by the fact that Bolesław V the Shy made Leszek the Black sonorize …

How it really was - nobody knows. However, this happened in the 13th century - nowadayswhite marriageseems rather unusual. We are surrounded by sex on all sides - it appears in movies and commercials, often, but usually only half-jokingly, half-seriously, it is discussed in friendly conversations. However, there are many more people living inwhite marriagesthan you might think.

White marriage: reasons

The reasons why partners give up having sex, which for most of them is an essential part of the relationship, may be at least several:

1. White marriage for religious reasons

  • Premarital sex

Most often it is assumed that if someone decides to live without sex, then they are probably a very religious person. Sometimes it doeshappening - fiancées or just couples before marriage, according to the teachings of the Catholic Church, decide to have sex only after getting married.


It is worth adding, however, that the Catholic Church "requires" only to give up sex life before marriage - later not only there is no such requirement, on the contrary - one of the goals of a Catholic marriage is to beget children. People who explain the fact of not having sex with their spouse by religious requirements either do not really know the principles of the Catholic faith, or hide other reasons behind this explanation for their disagreement with sex.

  • Relationship of persons after separation from wife / husband

For religious reasons, not only Catholics give up intercourse before the wedding, but also elderly people - after partings, which in practice no longer form a relationship with the husband / wife, but according to the Church they are still married. These people, if they do not want to live in sin, cannot have sex with their new partner because they are adultering. In this case, giving up sex usually requires more sacrifices from them than from couples who are not yet married but know they will be soon. People who are in a relationship with new partners and want to live in accordance with the teachings of the Church have really only one option - to start the canonical process aimed at annulment of the marriage.

2. Asexuality

Asexuality is called the fourth - next to homo-, hetero- and bisexuality - sexual orientation. Supposedly, 1% of people in the world are asexual. An asexual person does not need to hold back from having sex - like someone celibate. For her, the lack of sex life is no sacrifice - she has no sex drive. The causes of asexuality are believed to be stress, depression, and sexual harassment in childhood, but asexuals emphasize that often none of them affects them - they simply have not always felt the drive towards other people. This does not mean, however, that they cannot have romantic feelings for them - they are able to form a relationship based solely on emotional closeness.

The relationship of two asexual people has a very good chance of being happy, but the relationship of an asexual person with a person who also wants physical closeness for both parties may be a source of sacrifice, misunderstandings, it will give a feeling of discomfort - after all, each of the partners in such a relationship has other expectations.

3. Partner's homosexuality

White married couples also do not have sex because of the homosexual orientation of one of their partners. This is a very difficult situationfor the wife / husband of such a person - they are rejected by the person with whom they would like to be close, and most often they do not know for what reason - the partner's homosexuality is hidden after all. Therefore, she often feels responsible for this state of affairs, tries to interest her loved one and is rejected again. This does not mean that a gay partner or a lesbian partner treats the person with whom he forms a white marriage badly on other levels: he may surprise her with sumptuous dinners, help with his advice, and do household chores. However, this does not change the fact that a hidden homosexual living in a heterosexual relationship lives in a falsehood - he lies not only with his partner, but also with himself.

4. White marriage as a result of bad experiences

Sometimes "bad experiences" is an understatement - people who have experienced rape, were abused in their childhood, despite their great love for their partner, may not be able to show it to him. Such a person is not "cold" or is only seemingly like that - in fact, she really "would like" to be involved in the relationship also physically, but traumatic experiences do not allow her to do so.

5. Other causes

A white marriage can also be caused by other reasons - a difference in the sexual temperament of partners - when the one with greater libido finally "gives up" and gives up trying to have intercourse with his spouse (and sometimes he tries to with someone else …), the enormous stress experienced by one of the partners. Sex is sometimes not favored by the birth of a child and the total focus of one of the parents (most often the mother) on it, or a shared tragedy in the family, or emotional misunderstandings. Contrary to appearances, the offices of sexologists and psychologists are full of couples whose problem is the lack of sex. They still hope that they will be able to help each other, and very often they do - it is worse if only one side is convinced of the therapy and the other does not want to use it at all, or both do not support the idea. Meanwhile, a visit to a specialist in many cases may turn out to be the only salvation for the relationship.

How does not having sex affect a relationship?

The way relationships will develop in a white marriage depends on the reasons for its "conclusion". Partners who want to keep their virginity until marriage and then have a sex life will usually have fewer problems with this than those who are married to someone they have already split up and want to remarry. In this case, it is very likely that frustration will arise: either because of forced sexual abstinence or because ofthe reason for living, from the point of view of the Church, in sin - when the partners eventually decide to have sex.

Heterosexual people who live in a relationship with a partner who is actually gay are also in a very bad situation. In this situation, the decision to come out will help not only to live in harmony with a homosexual person, but also not to hurt your partner and give him / her a chance for a happy life. In this situation, Catholics should not have any problems with the annulment of the marriage.

A white marriage, however, can be successful and constitute a lasting relationship - usually in the case of asexual people or simply those who decide to do it without any sacrifice, e.g. for elderly people. Often, they care more about having a close person with them: a companion for conversation, support in difficult moments, and not a sex partner.

How do I get a white marriage?

A white marriage cannot be contracted in any way. A Catholic can make a vow of chastity, but this only applies to grooms and brides who wish to wait until they are celebrating marriage before having sex. They can also be submitted by a person who never intends to get married and have a sex life. Theoretically, two asexuals can live together if they are not having sex and are not married, but this type of relationship cannot be "entered into" in the Church. On the other hand, a Catholic, after concluding the sacrament, has the "task" to continue to reproduce, and thus also to have a sexual life.

About the authorAnna SierantEditor in charge of the Psychology and Beauty sections, as well as the main page of As a journalist, she cooperated, among others. with "Wysokie Obcasy", the websites: and, the quarterly "G'RLS Room". She also co-founded the online magazine "PudOWY Róż". He runs a blog jakdzż

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