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Peter Pan syndrome - a man affected by it never grows up. Although for most of us childhood is 10 or 12 years, for him - all life. How it's possible? See what causes some people to remain eternal boys and what a relationship with a man with Peter Pan syndrome might look like.

Peter Pan Syndrometakes its name from the hero of the book by James Matthew Barrie. Peter Pan escaped from the real world to Neverland - a land where he could remain an eternal boy. A modern man withPeter Pan syndromeis not looking for foreign lands. The only thing she runs away from is maturity.


  1. How to live with a person with Peter Pan syndrome?
  2. Crisis in connection with Peter Pan - the birth of a child
  3. Peter Pan is a colorful butterfly, the life and soul of the party
  4. What kind of partner will the eternal boy be?
  5. Help a person with Peter Pan Syndrome grow up
  6. Causes of Peter Pan syndrome

Although we associate Piotruś with a boy, he does not have to be a man. It turns out that the Peter Pan syndrome also affects women. Regardless of gender, they have one thing in common - you can have fun with Piotr, but you can't rely on him. He will not pay the bills on time, will not take care of a full refrigerator, forget to take his dog or go to vaccinations with him. He will put the children to bed without a bath, and he will bring the wrong things from the store. She will not go to the meeting room, will not pick up the shoes from the shoemaker, will not take care of the car inspection. Because Peter Pan, regardless of gender, only plays in adulthood.

And when you remind him that he has responsibilities, he will still be offended by you. He is only interested in what he likes. Just as in childhood he did not have to eat spinach because he did not like it, in adulthood he will not do what he does not want to do. He doesn't make anyone angry, he just is.

- But it is not true that a person with Peter Pan syndrome, avoiding responsibility, does not enter into relationships - explains Katarzyna Platowska, a psychologist. Relationship, marriage is a responsibility from the point of view of an adult. From Peter's point of view, it's great fun and he might decide to get married rash, too soon. But can the marriage with him be successful?

How to live with a person withPeter Pan syndrome?

A relationship with an eternal boy (girl) can be rewarding for both partners. This is the case of Małgosia and Jarek. Responsible Jarek finds himself perfectly in the role of "breeder" Gosieńka: helpless and completely dependent on him. When it turned out that she couldn't even open a can of sardines, he felt that his woman would not be able to do without him. He took her in his arms with emotion and whispered, "I will always be with you." And for many years their relationship worked perfectly. Gosia did not cope with cleaning the house - Jarek hired a woman to help. Gosia did not know how to cook - Jarek found someone who took this responsibility off her. He earned money and made sure she was all right, and she admired and admired him. She made him feel strong. Truly masculine. And very, very much needed.

The relationship between Judyta and Bartek was also successful. They had no children, so Judith poured out all her protective feelings on her husband. It was she who took care of the daily "practices" such as cooking, cleaning and shopping. And for the husband to have everything he needs. She made sure that the bills were paid on time, refilled the fuel tank in the car, looked at the hands of the professionals renovating the bathroom.

Peter Pan, regardless of age, remains a child: charming, carefree, irresponsible.

Bartek forgot to show up at the dentist's appointment by his wife, spent the whole evenings on the Internet and fussy when she said that they couldn't afford a vacation in Greece. But they were happy. He - because someone cared for him without making any demands. She - because she had someone to love and who to make fresh, he althy salads for every day.

And when will two people with Peter Pan syndrome meet - in the female and male versions? At the beginning it is also wonderful. They will love each other, they will be spoon-fed and they will have a great time. But in the end, it will become a mess and someone will have to start cleaning up. Purebred Piotruś will not take a broom in his hand - unless he makes cleaning fun. But how long can you play with a broom? That is why such marriages are usually turbulent and short-lived.

Crisis in connection with Peter Pan - the birth of a child

The arrival of a child is one of the most difficult moments for a person with Peter Pan syndrome. It does not matter if she wears pants or a skirt - offspring means the end of childhood, and Piotr will not agree to that without a fight.

The man who married Piotr is ready to look after her. He's even ready to look after the whole family - taking responsibility for the kids is something he's been waiting for, after all. And he will be as proud as a peacock for that.

Unfortunately, until … Because when it turns out that all the duties related to the baby fall on him - changing diapers, getting up at night, feeding, entertaining a crying baby - he may feel tired. Physically - because he doesn't sleep, but he has to work. Mentally - because the role of the only adult in the family is a hard piece of bread. And it may turn out that the master of the house will run away to a colleague from work, who understands his fatigue and offers him a moment to rest. And it wouldn't stop him from even feeling guilty about leaving two helpless beings to get along somehow. After all, at least one of them is - according to the metric - adult …

- Such a relationship can be saved by the parents of the girl-Peter - says Katarzyna Platowska. - Sometimes they start to notice the mistakes they made when bringing up their daughter. And they feel guilty. In the difficult moment of the appearance of a child, they can help the chased son-in-law by taking off some of his duties.

And what if a child appears in a relationship between a mature woman and a man with Peter Pan syndrome? The care of all will fall to the woman. Will her husband help her? Maybe, but only if his wife introduces him to parenting in such a way that it looks like fun. As a rule, a woman deals with the practical side of life, and daddy becomes a toddler's buddy. In some ways, Peter can be a great father or mother. Children love a parent who can spend a few hours with them under the table, playing Indians or aliens and sprinkling ideas from the sleeve. But until then.

When children start to grow up, they gradually lose respect for the parent with Peter Pan syndrome - warns the psychologist. - They start to consider him (her) a jester. Because, contrary to appearances, children do not expect their parents to be a friend, but that they will be a mother or a father. They expect him to set boundaries that can be crossed, tested and respected.

Worth knowing

Peter Pan is a colorful butterfly, the life and soul of the party

Piotruś is a colorful, alluring, very attractive character. People rest with his ideas because they are fresh, original and uncontaminated with the word "must". It's nice to jump out with Piotr, because he is available, duties do not "pull him down". The period of falling in love is just wonderful. "The most beautiful time in life" - this is how the beloved Piotr, who is in love, will remember for many years. The idyll ends when obligations arise.

What kind of partner will the eternal boy be?

Everyone will fall into the trap of grace of the eternal boy, also very reasonable people. It is extremely easy to fall in love with Piotruś because he has a lot of fantasy.She will welcome her loved one at home, sprinkling rose petals under her feet. She will serve champagne and strawberries for breakfast. For lunch, he will take his chosen one to … Sopot to eat fish by the sea, listening to the sound of the waves. But even for a moment, he will not think that you may need to get back to work from lunch to avoid getting into trouble …

He would also not think to hand over a suit to the laundry, to make sure that there was bread and coffee for breakfast at home. Because although the beginnings are magical, the shortages that come to the fore are overwhelming. All this makes women sometimes decide to break up, because they are already heartily fed up.

- But it is very, very difficult to part with Piotr, warns Katarzyna Platowska. - It is extremely difficult to give up a partner so magnetic and stimulating that others seem gray, ordinary and not very interesting to him.

Read also: Midlife crisis in men: how long does it last and how is it manifested?

Help a person with Peter Pan Syndrome grow up

Sometimes it's easier to work on the eternal boy and his growing up. Psychologists say it is possible. Although they emphasize: for the change to be permanent, Piotruś must want to change himself.

- When he sees that acting like an adult he will also have a lot of fun, he will accept the new role - believes Katarzyna Platowska. - At first for fun, but then he'll get used to it. You have to show him when he can be Peter and when he needs to act like an adult. He will have a chance to change if someone makes him aware of the path he has to travel, and will guide him.

How? You have to work with him as with a child. Explain that we do not only what we want, but sometimes what the situation requires, even if we do not enjoy it. You have to show him the profits he will derive from the change of attitude.

Note: do not try to change Piotr by force! He hates compulsion and will run away if you apply it. Complaining, grumbling, whining, blaming - it doesn't work for him.

Instead of complaining that something is not done, some things have to be done with it, step by step. He brought a sushi kit and chopsticks from his purchases - because he thought it would be fun to try Japanese food? Don't yell, "Go and give back those stupid chopsticks, but buy some baby milk." Praise his idea, be glad that you have such a great adventure. And then say: "Now, honey, we will go to the store together and buy what is needed at home." Be patient, because teaching Peter to behave as adults is possible.

It is worth enjoying what Piotr gives, hisfantasy, joy of life. However, you need to be aware of who you are dealing with and make a decision if you want this life. The worst thing is to be delighted with him at first, then demand responsibility and be terribly disappointed.

Read also: Grown-up child at home - a sign of immaturity or a new trend?

Causes of Peter Pan syndrome

Under normal conditions, a person not only grows, but also matures. That's it, under normal conditions. Peter Pan often did not have such conditions at home.

Just like Kasia. Her parents were busy with their own affairs, their careers. They gave their daughter what they thought was safe: a nanny who kept the house clean and regular meals, tutors to help with learning, English classes so she could communicate with people all over the world. But they didn't give her what her parents were supposed to give: boundaries, discipline, life skills. They loved but did not raise.

Kasia was excluded from all duties. When her friends helped their mothers bake cakes before Christmas, Kasia was sitting in her room and listening to music. She envied her friends that they were in the center of family events, but as she grew up, she rarely crossed the threshold of the kitchen. And when, soon after the wedding, Kasia's husband said "let's cook dinner", she replied "I'll make jelly". When she became pregnant, a terrible dream began to haunt her: the baby is hungry and there is nothing to eat here. Therefore, for two years she kept her son only on her breast. And then the dream came true: the little one began to demand food and got … frozen strawberries, because the refrigerator in the house was empty.

A person with Peter Pan syndrome was usually a well-behaved only child, he could also be the youngest child in the family, pampered by everyone, or the oldest child, but one who had no siblings for a long time.

Often mothers do not let their youngest children grow up for fear of being alone. The long-awaited child of older parents also has a chance to become Piotr, often the effect of a threatened pregnancy. Then the parents tend not to make any demands on him, to forget about discipline, to let go of responsibilities. And a spoiled offspring who has no boundaries does not develop a sense of duty. And he sees no reason why this should ever change.

- Family configurations may be different, but Piotr is always "created" by parents - warns the psychologist. - And the child always takes from life what he is comfortable with. As a rule, Piotrusie are intelligent and can take care of themselves perfectly. And they will remain carefree for the rest of the world if there is no stimulus to make them startchange.

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