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People with gambling experience only two kinds of emotions - joy and anger. Joy of winning and anger of losing. There is no room for other feelings in their lives. Playing is their love, family and happiness. They can manipulate people like no one else. Lie to get money for gambling.
People addicted togamblingwill not hesitate to steal their child's college savings. Then they feel remorse, hatred towards themselves. They try to save themselves only when they are at the bottom. On the verge of suicide, imprisonment, in line with the skin. Some people do.
Jacek comes from a small town in the Opole region. He's 40 years old. He agrees to talk about hisaddiction , honestly and without whitening. Maybe someone will read this article and think about it before getting into this hell, he wonders.Thegame on slot machines has taken him to the bottom. He rubbed himself against death. He had a wife, daughter, job, and led a normal life. Today, after less than 6 years of playing, he is left alone. In an empty apartment with no family or work. But with huge debts that he is unable to pay off. But there is hope in him - he hasn't played for six months.
Joanna from Warsaw says that she lost her family. She first played when she was 20, and ended when she was in her thirties. It took her several years to recover. He hasn't gambled in 10 years, but he knows that gambling will be healed for a lifetime. Playing was my family, home, happiness. When I woke up, it was too late to start a family - he explains.
Addicted to slot machines
Jacek discovered the existence of bookmakers' salons in 2003. It was then that the first point of this type opened in his town.
- It was going to be fun. Bets were cheap, 2 zlotys, and I knew sports - he says. - I was there every day. My wife and daughter thought that was my hobby. I treated it that way as well. Seemingly, I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't drink, and then I wasn't losing large sums. There was nothing to worry about. And when I won, I spent the money on my family. So there was a benefit from it - he adds.
One day, about 2 years after he first visited a bookmaker, he and his friends went for a beer after work. There was a vending machine in the place. He tried it once, twice, three times. Before he knew it, he was playing every day, betting and losing more and morelarger sums. Sometimes he would go out with the dog at 6am and wait for the vending machines to open. But it still seemed to him to be just such a hobby.
- I was able to lose a few salaries in one fell swoop. On the same day, I borrowed more money and lost it. When I was playing, the whole world ceased to exist. It was just me and the machine. It was accompanied by great emotions. I never drank alcohol while playing because I didn't feel it at the time. I was upstairs once, things changed in a moment and I was completely broke. It turned me on in a weird way, as if I was high, she recalls. - I came back from the machines harmonious, despairing. And in an instant, in the staircase, I had to change my mask so that I could enter the house as a normal Jacek - husband and father. And I was just a cheat, a thief, a man whose mind was overwhelmed.
He was running out of savings, so he was taking it from family funds. He once stole from his wife 3,000. zloty. He was afraid that he would discover the theft. He decided to borrow money from the bank to return to his wife. Somehow, for several weeks, she had not realized that they were not in the book in which she kept them for a rainy day.
Jacek remembers that day well. On his way home from the bank, he turned into the apartment. "My legs carried me by themselves," she recalls. - And I lost a few thousand. Another time, I took money from my account for our joint vacation. I started lying terribly to get people to lend me money. I was able to come up with such lies in seconds! That someone has died and is not here for the funeral, that my mother-in-law is sick and needs to be saved. I lied to my boss, I cried, I begged him for money. He took pity on me and borrowed me. And I used to go home with them to put them in my wife's hiding place, and I always used the machines - he says.
During the 6 years of playing, Jacek confessed to his wife addiction and debts several times. He apologized, he promised to improve, and she forgave him. She was getting out of trouble. He didn't play for a week and then returned to the arcade even more hungry to play.
Jacek got into such a state that he could not eat anymore, he was tired of insomnia, he had fears, he felt chronic terror.
- I acted like a hounded animal. Honored by himself - he explains. - Last year, right after New Year's Eve, I began to realize that something was wrong with me. Before, I was convinced that I was playing for my family to win and make them happy. That day, I was playing from 6am to 10pm. After this marathon, I was a shred of man. The next day, he found a forum about gambling on the internet. People advised him where to go for help and how to save himself. He went to the clinic. During the conversation with the therapist, he heard that she did not healgamblers, only drug addicts and alcoholics. He returned home and confessed to his wife once more of his debts and gambling. This time, as he suspected, she said "enough." She threw his clothes into the stairwell.
- I packed these clothes into my backpack and left the house. I went to the train station and spent the night there. The next day, my wife called me and said it was over, that she was leaving. She let me live at home again, but she didn't want to talk to me anymore - she adds.
In February last year, Jacek's company was dissolved. Lost his job. It killed him, because only his work gave him hope that he would pay off his debts and heal himself. She kept it with the rest of her sanity.
- Then I decided to play myself to death - he says. - I couldn't look at my reflection when I saw it in the shop window. I took out the last 2,000. zloty. I turned off my phone and started playing. I couldn't feel anything anymore. Then I went into the woods, took off my belt and put a noose around my neck. I thought about my wife, my daughter, how I love them, how I love life. I sent a goodbye SMS. This was my last request for help. The police found me quickly. They saved me and took me to the hospital. Bratowa helped find a closed center for addicts. I came back from therapy in June and I don't play. The wife took her daughter and moved to another city, to her parents. I stayed in an empty apartment, alone. I feel like an outcast, I can't find a job, because everyone in the town knows everything about themselves. They don't want to trust me. It is not surprising for them. It's bad, but at least I'm not playing. My mind is clear. I don't hate myself as much as I used to. I can finally sleep normally. I avoid the vending machines, I don't carry money with me, so as not to tempt fate - he says.
Hazrd became obsessed
Joanna first encountered playing in the "Bingo" lounge in the second half of the 1980s. Her friends dragged her there.
- I liked this thrill , rapid heartbeat, waiting to see if it worked. I started to try other games - slots, lotto, scratch cards, all casino games - he says.
She dreamed of a big win. One that she can do for everything. She, like Jacek, imagined that she would win and make the family happy. He will buy his parents a house. - The wins showed up, but as with any gambler, it wasn't enough for me. I had to borrow myself. I took one loan, then another. I was an accountant and I earned a lot, but I was still in the red. Eventually, I embezzled money at the company I worked for. Now, years later, I wish they had caught me then. Maybe if they put me in jail and saw the consequences of playingI would get out of this addiction sooner. And so for the last 10 years I was playing with my whole being - he recalls. - During this time, there was no one in my heart. Because I didn't need people for anything. Just to be able to play. I borrowed money from some people, and I met with others to have a good image. But my mind and heart were busy playing or figuring out where to get the money for them - he says.
Joanna, like every gambler, did her best to hide from herself what was happening to her. "This is called rationalization," he explains. - For example: I was returning from work and I was happy because something good had happened. “Such a nice day - I thought - I'm going to play, I will definitely win. It is the law of series. " And if the day was bad, I'd go home and say to myself, “What a bad day. But for sure fate will give me a prize and now I will win. " When I was hungry, I would go to the living room for dinner, of course, to play after that. I was sick, I felt terrible, I thought: "I will not be alone at home, I will go to people." And I was going to play. The adrenaline that is released while playing is physically and mentally anesthetizing. I needed more and more of her.
Hazard was in every inch of her life. She bet with herself how many steps she takes to the car. She counted stairs, paving slabs, added and subtracted numbers in license plates. "It was total mental possession," he says. - When I started to recover, the hardest thing was to get rid of this very thinking about numbers.
At the end of the 90s, Joanna played non-stop. She entered a chronic phase that lasted 3 years. She no longer dreamed of winning. All that mattered was to play, to play…
When I left the living room and I was not in tune with the last penny, I felt angry. Because my need for self-destruction was unsatisfied then. I wanted to rip to zero, play to death. When I left penniless, I felt better. This state of affairs was normal for me then - he says.
A red light came on in Joanna's head when she started having visual-auditory hallucinations. She couldn't sleep because the music from the slot machines was playing in her ears. She closed her eyes and saw the layout of the cards. She was scared that she was reaching back to mental illness. She couldn't turn off the card and arcade visions in her head.
Everyone has a bottom - he says. - It could be loss of family, attempted suicide, prison. My bottom was an unimaginable self-hatred for what I do. I got up at night and went to the salon, even though I returned from it 2 hours earlier. I knew that if I didn't play again, I would definitely not fall asleep. Therefore, at least for a moment, to calm down internally, I went to the casino. When I came back, I wailed, I cried out of this self-hatred. She came to the brink of anguish. Certainin a sleepless night, she decided to seek help. However, none of the psychologists she came across wanted to see someone like her. Back then, in the late 1990s, hardly anyone treated gamblers in Poland. Today, addiction therapists do not always work with them. They are afraid of manipulation, and gamblers have mastered it to perfection.
Joanna found a person who helped her, in … a casino. A lady a little older than me joined me. She started telling me she was a gambler and gave me her phone number. She was the one who took me to the first gambling meeting. It was then that my slow and many years of recovery began. I know, however, that it will never end - he emphasizes.