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Criticism is not easy to accept, even if it is expected. Listening to unflattering opinions about ourselves has a real impact on what we think about ourselves and how we will proceed. Learn 6 effective tips on how to react and receive criticism so that it does not cause complexes.
It is difficult to compare constructive criticism with a personal attack or simple hate. It is also hard to expect the same response to any kind of criticism. After all, rational arguments are adopted differently, or baseless or general allegations. It is more difficult to fend off a personal attack that only aims to offend or throw you off balance. Nevertheless, it is worth being prepared for any kind of criticism and face every difficult situation.
6 rules for dealing with criticism
- Empathy towards the critic
Not every criticism is based on objective reasons. Sometimes it is the accumulation of a person's bad mood or misfortunes that eventually cause an outburst. All it takes is a spark in the form of our one-time mistake to lead to an attack of the allegations.
When dealing with criticism, it is worthwhile to look at the situation from a broader perspective and try to understand the critic. Empathy will also be useful in constructive criticism. Listen to the critic and try to put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Maybe he is really right?
- Don't worry about any criticism
Distinguish between constructive criticism and hate, insults from objective evaluation. The hatty and the accusations behind the general dislike or prejudice of the other person towards you are not worth worrying about and taking it personally. If there are unnecessary emotions behind criticism, it will never be objective and fair.
- Be calm
Staying calm while listening to critical words is not easy, but it's worth your effort. Wait for the critic to finish speaking before counter-argumenting yourself. Do not do it under the influence of emotions, do not interrupt the other person, but make up your own arguments in your head from the beginning. It is important to distance yourself from the allegations for a moment. This will allow you to be cool and to the point. It is obvious that emotions are not a good advisor. Outrage can provoke aggression and lead to a quarrel witha critic, which will direct the criticism on the wrong track and destroy the chance to get out of this difficult situation face-to-face.
Keeping calm in the face of the accusations heard shows our maturity, which should be appreciated by the other party. Even if criticism is just insulting, it's worth keeping your nerves in check and not getting carried away. If your agitation is still great, wait even for a few days to defend your arguments or excuses. During this time you will have time to prepare well for the answer and possibly understand your mistakes.
- Don't be afraid to admit your mistake
If you are aware that the charges against you are justified, do not defend yourself at all costs. Don't lie and don't misrepresent. The bigger trick is to admit you made a mistake and promise you will improve. You will gain not only in the eyes of the critic, but you will also improve your self-confidence, which will be very necessary when fixing the mistakes made.
Instead of getting stifled and humiliated by criticism, be proud that you have accepted unflattering words with dignity. Know your worth, don't let anyone tell yourself you're "good for nothing." Instead, work on your own development to prove that you can improve.
- Draw conclusions
The purpose of constructive criticism is to influence someone to correct their behavior or mistakes. Hence, it is important to listen to and learn from the allegations. A proper critique should include not only evaluation and comments, but also tips on how to proceed. Seek to see them, and if they are not, don't be afraid to ask the critic directly how you can improve what has been criticized. Otherwise, your further actions may still draw critical attention to you.
- Don't forget
Remembering mistakes makes it difficult to look ahead and focus on the next challenges. It demotivates and undermines faith in your own abilities. So it is best to accept criticism, learn from it, correct mistakes and close this stage of life.
Techniques for dealing with criticism
There are three main techniques for responding to and dealing with criticism: negative acknowledgment, fog and negative question.
- Negative confirmation
This technique requires a high level of self-esteem and the ability to be proud despite difficult circumstances. Simply put, it is to calmly react to criticism and admit the critic's right at the same time. If someone tells us, for example, that we are unable to complete tasks that have already started, we shouldnod and say that we are aware that we take on too many responsibilities and cannot fulfill them all. In this way we show that we are imperfect, but we accept these defects at home. So the critic loses the desire to further stigmatize our flaws, seeing no hope that he will change our way of behaving.
- Fog
This technique works well for criticisms full of manipulation and exaggerated accusations. It consists in admitting only some part of the criticized flaws, rejecting the manipulated accusations. This requires cutting yourself off from your emotions and focusing on the matter-of-factness of the criticism. We do not get disturbed, which was the aim of the critic. Hearing a set of offensive and very general accusations, such as that we are useless and that we cannot be counted on, we answer, for example, that "indeed, today we forgot to do something". The problem, blown up by the critic, is stripped of unnecessary emotions by us. This way we eliminate manipulation and protect our self-esteem.
- Negative questions
Asking questions to the critic may be helpful in clarifying the accusations he makes against us. When someone criticizes us, uses generalities, it is worth asking about specific examples that prove our guilt. If the critic is blinking with an answer, it means that his only target was to attack us. If he answers our question in a factual manner, we may suspect that his criticism is due to concern and we can learn from this criticism for the future.
You must do itExercise to deal with criticism
To deal with more than one criticism, you need to strengthen your self-esteem. Knowing that we can, we know, we are not afraid and we believe in ourselves - it is easier to bear critical words and turn them into something good, e.g. self-development. No criticism can break us if we are internally strong and convinced of our worth. You may find the following practical exercises helpful.
Exercise1.Divide the paper in half with a line. List negative opinions about yourself on one side of the sheet. On the other side, try to write these sentences in a positive aspect. So as to turn a disadvantage into an advantage or see something positive in it. For example: negative - "I get distracted", positive - "thanks to the chaos around me, I can be creative"; negative - "I am forgetful", positive - "I have not forgotten anything today". This exercise is to show you that you have potential. The next stage may be to think about what from the list should be improved, because, for example, it may make life difficult. Nextit is enough to start striving to eliminate your worst features.
Exercise2.On a piece of paper separated by a line, write down the praise you collect on one side and the criticism on the other. Do this regularly over an extended period of time, such as several weeks or months. Then pay attention to the criticism that repeats the most frequently (this one is probably your biggest flaw and requires work to eliminate it). Strive to improve in this regard, and if you lack faith in your own abilities, increase your self-esteem by returning to written praise many times.
Exercise3.Increase your self-esteem and stop worrying about criticism by realizing that even ideal people - in your opinion - are criticized. Check out the comments under the photos of valued movie characters or politicians, check the entries under your favorite songs on the Internet, see that even the biggest stars are criticized, and in the best things you can always find something bad. Realize that everyone will never be satisfied with it. Therefore, you also will not satisfy the needs of all people around you.