Your personal (intimate) space is invisible, but you know exactly where it ends. It spreads around the body and you react sharply to its violation. The intimate zone, personal zone and social distance are 3 types of distance that we keep, conventionally, depending on the situation in which we find ourselves. How far you allow yourself to be close may depend on your position, cultural patterns, and intimacy. See how big a typical personal space is.

Boundary guarded by instinct: private space

Our "I" does not end flush with the surface of the skin. Each of us has a private space around him. It is as if we were dressed in a cocoon that is invisible to others, but perfectly perceptible for us, consisting of several layers. We tolerate only the closest people closest to the body. This is why a visit to a doctor, physiotherapist, hairdresser, and even a seamstress, people who we must admit to our intimate zone, is not always pleasant.

- Usually, it takes some time for my new client to get used to the situation - says Sławek, masseur and physiotherapist. - Women find it easier than men. Our living conditions do not always allow us to control the space around us. For example, in a tram or bus, we are doomed to the fact that others will violate our intimate zone. No wonder that after such a trip we reach the place already irritated. We suppressed the feeling of aggression towards fellow passengers all the way. The matter is sometimes more delicate in the case of women.

- I used to go by bus - says 36-year-old Katarzyna, slim, elegant, usually taken for younger - and suddenly in the crowd I felt someone's hand on my buttock. For a while I felt stupid, but I didn't react, because I could be wrong, it could have been a coincidence. Eventually, however, I decided to turn my head and look this gentleman in the eye. I was right because I didn't even have to say anything and the warm compress disappeared from my body.

Since childhood, we receive thousands of tips for navigating in space. They are rarely stated explicitly. - My friend is tremendously impulsive and expansive and every time I talk toI have to involuntarily step back with it - says 41-year-old Magda. - Maybe it's because we rarely touch each other in my family. Meanwhile, Anka is constantly trying to grab my sleeve when she's talking to me. Failure to sense the boundary of the intimate zone can lead to misunderstandings.

- I was convinced that the girl I met at the party liked me because she sat down close to me, and when we started talking, she touched my hand. But when I hugged her, she suddenly became furious, growled "hands off" and left - complains Krzysztof, a 22-year-old law student.

Personal zone and social distance

The next layer around us is the personal zone. It is this distance that friends come close to shake hands. City dwellers, accustomed to confined spaces and limited spaces, usually come closer to each other when greeted than villagers. When a new colleague arrives at work, allowing him to go that distance is the sign that the group has accepted him. The second non-verbal sign that the stranger has become his own is rearranging furniture in the office, moving chairs, making space in the wardrobe.

When dealing with strangers, it is enough to keep a distance of 1.20 to 3.60 m. This is the so-called social distance. Enough for the clerk in the store to think they should ask you what you wish for. The boundary of this zone is conventional and also depends on the customs adopted in a given culture. Edward T. Hall, anthropologist, author of the books "Outside of Culture" and "Bezgłośny Language", in which he describes, inter alia, our territorial behavior, he observed differences in the behavior of citizens of the United States and South American countries. Americans with a high professional standing have large offices; the larger the office, the higher the position in the company's hierarchy. For Latin American visitors, the distance between the two seats - measured by the huge desk - was too great to start a conversation. That's why they used to get up, approach the host, and sometimes sit on the edge of the desk. The American, in turn, took them as pushy, for him they were embarrassingly close.

This will be useful to you

The military regulations state that the distance at which a subordinate who wants to report something to his superior should be three big steps.

Violation of personal space: matter of familiarity or custom

Not only the distance informs us about the intimacy of two people. This voiceless message is reinforced by: eye contact and touch. In European culture, eye contact means interest, it is an expression of activity. In general, when two people talk to each other, they look at each other for about a third of the conversation time. From the second personwe look away when we think what to say next, we remember something.

Maintaining eye contact is expected, however. When he is not there, we think that the interlocutor is bored and wants to leave. But - attention - in Japan, for example, a subordinate should not look into the eyes of the superior, as this would be an expression of arrogance. And one more thing - if two people maintain eye contact for more than 60 percent of the time during the conversation, then they are more interested in each other than in the topic being discussed.

In turn, touching someone during a conversation can be an expression of familiarity, but also a habit. Men in Arab countries accept mutual touch, while a Northern European would feel embarrassed in such a situation. The touch of a woman would clearly read as advances. Touching another person can also be an unconscious expression of dominance, in the language of ethologists - it shows the pecking order. That is why the superior in the position of authority allows himself to touch the shoulder, shoulder and back of the subordinate. Perhaps these customs will be changed, at least with regard to persons of the other sex, by the prohibition of sexual harassment introduced by the provisions of the labor law.

How close you can get, i.e. the boundaries between the zones

The distance between two people can tell if they are close. When friends and family members greet each other or when loved ones are making wishes, the distance between their hips is approximately 15 cm. Lovers, on the other hand, move inside their strict intimate zones.

Intimate area- up to 45 cm around the body (including 15 cm is a strictly intimate area) - is considered by a person as his personal property and therefore only allows its violation by persons emotionally connected with it. Defining the boundaries of the intimate zone is an individual matter. A person brought up in a family whose members often touch each other will have a narrower intimate zone than one whose relatives have always kept a certain distance. It often results from cultural differences - in the countries of the Mediterranean basin, in Africa or South America, people touch each other much more often than, for example, in Anglo-Saxon countries.

Personal area- 46-122 cm - distance between us and others during parties, at work, at friends' places. Maintaining it means that the people we contact do not make us feel threatened or anxious; also forces you to start a conversation.

Social zone- 1.22 - 3.6 m. We keep this distance towards strangers or less known people, e.g. when shopping in a store.

Public area- above3.6 m. If we address a larger group of people, e.g. during public appearances, this distance separates us from them.

How not to violate the safe distance? [SAVOIR-VIVRE PRINCIPLES]

If for some reason (crowds in a bus or other public place) you are forced to violate someone else's intimate zone, try not to let others feel threatened or embarrassed by this forced closeness.

Here are the rules to follow:

  • Avoid eye contact with people close to you, it's best to look into space (window, elevator floor numbers, etc.).
  • Don't try to have a conversation - people who are in your intimate zone weren't there by choice, so don't put them in a stupid position.
  • Do not reveal your emotions, keep your face straight.
  • Try to build your individuality with the help of a book, newspaper, diskmen, use them to isolate yourself from the crowd; let others have reason to believe that you are completely engrossed in this activity and do not notice them.
  • The larger the crowd, the more moves you have to make, remember that your rapid movement causes further violations of someone else's intimate zones.

This unwritten code of good manners applies to European culture.

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Psychology