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Breakup affects more and more relationships nowadays. Nowadays, not only short relationships are falling apart, but also long-term marriages. Check out the most common causes of breakups, find out what the psychological and body effects of a breakup are: what are its positive and negative effects, and learn how to deal with breakups.

Parting- so what makes some human relationships last for many years, and others - after a shorter or longer period - end?

Contents:

  1. Reasons for breakup
  2. Negative effects of a breakup
  3. Positive effects of a breakup
  4. How to deal with the breakup?
  5. How to avoid a breakup

Reasons for breakup

The reasons for breakups are different in the case of short and long relationships. The former usually end up with people finding that … they don't really fit together at all. The first infatuation and an explosion of feelings may overshadow, for example, significant differences in interests or ways of spending time every day.

It also happens that two people function perfectly together as long as their "honeymoon" lasts. It happens that a couple finds themselves wonderfully when they see each other occasionally - partners often date, from time to time they spend a few days with each other.

After some time, however, a decision comes: let's move in together. For many relationships, she is simply suicidal. A man who was always elegant for dates and already smelled of expensive perfumes at home turns out to be a messy man who can put socks in places where they would not be expected.

It also happens that a woman who seemed to be perfectly organized suddenly turns out to be someone who leaves a ton of cosmetics in the bathroom, regardless of the fact that her partner would like to have a corner for himself.

According to a study published in the "Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin", short relationships usually break down because of partner's illness, and long-term relationships because partner has trouble controlling anger.

It would seem that these matters are very trivial - in practice, however, for two people who are only just costing living together, these may be factors thatthrough which the parting will take place.

The causes of breakups in long-term relationships are usually different. Sometimes partners, after many years, simply feel that this is "not it" anymore. Such a threat especially affects those couples who stop caring for their relationship. In fact, a human relationship is like a plant - if it is not watered, it will eventually wither.

It is obvious that in a marriage that has been going on for thirty years, the husband will not bring his wife flowers every day, and she will not prepare an exquisite dinner for him every day. However, it is important to constantly care for the course of the relationship - make sure that your partner feels appreciated from time to time (e.g. by throwing a small compliment at him) or even the two famous words "I love you". Other causes of breakups include:

  • betrayal;
  • one of the partners has a disease (especially a chronic one, which may require taking care of relatives);
  • developing addiction - especially to drugs or alcohol - in one person;
  • change of plans and life plans (here, as an example, you can give a situation where, for example, one of the partners suddenly decides to go to some very distant region of the world and build his life there anew, and his other half does not want such changes at all ).

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Guilt: a sign of maturity or illness?

Emotional betrayal: how to find out in time?

Negative effects of a breakup

The breakup negatively affects primarily the abandoned person - especially if it was important for her to maintain the relationship. Initially, she may experience sadness, bitterness and a lot of remorse for what she has also done that the relationship broke up.

There may be problems with sleep, appetite disturbances, constant reflection on what it will be like to continue life without a partner. Bitterness can vary in degree - in some people it passes after a short time, in others the breakup is so influenced by the fact that they even develop depression (specifically exogenous depression).

After the breakup, however, emotions from a different extreme may appear - anger, rage, and even hatred towards your ex-partner. These may disappear in a short time, but may persist for a long time and lead to various threats - after all, it happens that the abandoned person tries to harm his or her former other half on, for example, family or professional grounds.

Positive effects of a breakup

Breakup may be truealso have positives. This can be especially true when the relationship has been suffering, for one or both parties, or has simply been unsatisfactory. People who functioned in a toxic relationship may feel particularly relieved - although it is difficult to break out of it, eventually, after some time after freeing yourself, a person can actually start living anew.

Finally, it happens that a partner suppresses us - does not allow us to pursue our passions, makes it difficult to meet friends or blocks the realization of our dreams. We are aware of it, and yet - due to our feelings or habits - we stay with such a person anyway.

Breaking up isn't always easy, but in the end it may turn out to be the best decision you can make at the moment. It may turn out that things that our partner did not do before - such as a dance course that our partner forbade us from for incomprehensible reasons - is a source of such joy for us that we have not felt for a long time. A breakup, ending an unsatisfactory relationship, can ultimately evoke a sense of freedom and power over your own life. Besides, most importantly - as it has been said for a long time, "this flower is half the world" - after a failed relationship, you can finally meet a man who will finally understand what the word happiness really means.

How to deal with the breakup?

Undoubtedly, however, for most people, the breakup is not a good and easy moment in life, and the ability to see its benefits comes after some time. So what to do to survive the breakup as little painfully as possible?

1. Do not contact your ex-partner

After breaking up, the hardest thing to get used to is that the other person is no longer there. The desire to be up to date with what is happening with him or her is huge. Well, it is even more tempting to tell your ex-partner a few words of truth and make him realize once again how hopeless he is.

Try not to do this though! The results can be catastrophic: multiplication of negative emotions on both sides, saying words that you may or may not want to say, or… having to face the lack of an answer. After all, a breakup is a breakup. It will be easier for everyone to go through them without unnecessarily multiplying negative emotions.

2. Do not cultivate regret

It is also better not to torture yourself by viewing joint photos, listening to your favorite songs, visiting "your" places. It is worth giving up on these behaviors shortly after the breakup. Let your emotions run outrespite.

3. Cultivate new habits

Don't be idle - when a person is doing nothing, they think. Most often about problems, and the parting definitely belongs to the large-scale ones. So instead of idling, go back to the things you liked to do before the breakup, and during the life of the relationship there was not enough time for them: read, date friends long lost, visit family. Also, start doing something new that will not be associated with your ex-partner: sign up for a cooking course, improve your English.

4. Remember that you are not hopeless / hopeless

Parting, unfortunately, favors reflection on your alleged ugliness or stupidity. Meanwhile, the fact that we have not had a relationship with a given person does not mean that we are deprived of beauty or intellect. In moments of doubt, it is worth considering a few things: remembering what we are good at, remembering ourselves or listing all our successes one by one, what we like about ourselves and what our friends value us for.

4. Let me help you

After all, life is not only a partner, there are also acquaintances, friends and family. It is worth talking to your friend and complaining to her - releasing negative emotions should help, as long as we do not want to wallow in them endlessly. This method will probably work better for women than men who usually avoid confessions. However, there is nothing to prevent a representative of the ugly sex from arranging, for example, a beer with a friend.

If nothing has a long-term effect and the pain does not get less with time, it is worth visiting a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Important

Parting and body

After a breakup, the soul can suffer as well as the body. In a stressful time - which can certainly be considered the loss of a loved one - there is an increase in the amount of stress hormones, which are glucocorticosteroids, in the body. As a result of this situation, arterial blood pressure may increase, various dermatological problems may arise, immunity may be weakened, and the course of chronic diseases may be exacerbated.

Breakup and gender

It used to be assumed that it is a woman who endures a breakup much harder than a man. Nothing could be more wrong - in fact, there is equal rights on this ground. Such a misconception comes from the fact that typically men are less willing to reveal their feelings, but in fact their heads may also appear in their heads after a breakup with a number of different, very unpleasant emotions.

There are differences in behavior after breakup for men and womenvery clear however. Men tend to close in on themselves - they often seek escape in alcohol or drugs. Women typically look for the support of their relatives, whom they are much more likely to confide in than men.

Differences are also noticeable in the most serious consequences of separation between representatives of different sexes. Just as women more often suffer from depressive disorders after a breakup, men after a breakup in a relationship more often than women decide to commit suicide.

How to avoid a breakup

Breakup can undoubtedly have a negative impact on many aspects of human life. If it ends the relationship that was the source of suffering - then breaking up is simply necessary. There are, however, relationships that end through partner neglect, and which could really exist if both people had tried a little.

So that the relationship does not end with a breakup, you should remember a few theoretically simple, but very important aspects. First of all - honesty. This is the absolute basis of a relationship and it's really easier to swallow the worst truth heard from your partner than to find out about unpleasant things from outsiders.

Second: working out life paths together. Neither partner should be wholly subordinate to the other - the relationship is "us", not two people side by side - only willingness to compromise will enable the relationship to survive. There are many other ways to make sure that the relationship functions well and does not threaten to break up.

However, there is one more aspect worth mentioning: listening, because only when both people are open to each other and although they try to respond to their needs, the relationship can function happily.

About the authorBow. Tomasz NęckiA graduate of medicine at the Medical University of Poznań. An admirer of the Polish sea (most willingly strolling along its shores with headphones in his ears), cats and books. In working with patients, he focuses on always listening to them and spending as much time as they need.

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Category:

Psychology