Are you the oldest or the youngest of your siblings? Many psychologists believe that the order of birth affects our character traits, personality, relationships with people, professional career. The order of birth in the family determines most of our later life choices.
If you havesiblings , you probably remember very well the "wars" fought in the nursery. It was in him that you influencedsisteror brother, negotiated what you would play, more than once argued about yours, and sometimes you made a concession. It was among your siblings that you had to work out your position, learn to live in this group. Did it translate into your later life? For years, scientists have been studying the relationship between the order of birth in a family andpersonalityof a person. Some ascribe to her a decisive role in shaping the most important character traits, and even determining later life choices.
The personality of the eldest child - the responsible leader
When the first child is born, the parents' lives so far change completely. Now it's all about a cute little baby. Inexperienced parents raise them with a textbook in hand, they listen to the advice of friends. They carefully watch the baby, react to every cry. They run to the doctor with each problem. They get excited about the first tooth, the first steps, the words. They are watching the development of the firstborn with great tension. But they also have great expectations of him. They want the child to have good grades, to be well-read and athletic. The whole family is trying to take care of its development as best as possible. The firstborn has the full attention of his parents for a long time. He does not have to compete with anyone. The situation changes when another child appears in the family. Then the older one feels jealous and tries to regain position. If screaming and crying do not help, he tries to earn his parents' love differently. It becomes subordinate, exemplary, to be appreciated by them and to feel important again. He also has the responsibility to look after his younger siblings and be an example to them. Often the eldest mentors the younger crowd - explains how and what to do, helps them learn, and sometimes has to organize their time. According to research by Norwegian scientists, the oldest children are more intelligent than the rest of their siblings by 2.3 IQ points. Second childit has an advantage of 1.1 IQ points over the third. Prof. Robert Zajonc, a prominent American psychologist, stated that older children develop intelligence by passing on to their siblings knowledge about life. By teaching the younger ones, they organize their thoughts and train themselves in expressing them. As adults, they are disciplined, responsible, hardworking, ambitious and quite conservative. They are also often better educated than their younger siblings (when parents cannot finance the education of all children, the eldest is privileged in this respect). The firstborn are usually self-confident, believe in their own abilities. In boys, leadership qualities are noticeable already in childhood, and in girls - protective ones. They also have good organizational skills. According to the so-called The birth order theory is the first-born who have a better chance of being successful or conquering the world. This is confirmed, for example, by the history of the United States - the eldest sons were more than half of the US presidents. And a recent survey of 1,582 surveyed CEOs of large corporations and companies in the US shows that 43 percent. are the oldest children, 33 percent. - the second, and 23 percent. - third.
How to treat the eldest child in your family:
- Don't put too many household chores on them even though he doesn't object.
- Encourage them to help with their younger siblings, but don't do it over them.
- Do not say that she has to give way to her younger sister or brother or set their example just because she is older.
- Involve them in children's games, because he is still a child.
- Enjoy fours and not just fives and sixes - your child doesn't have to be a perfectionist.
Middle Child Personality - Excellent Diplomat
The least amount of research was devoted to middle-aged children, which in some way reflects their position in the family. It often happens that they are less noticed by their parents. In addition, they wear the clothes of the older child, and the toys must be given to the younger one. So they are deprived of the rights of the oldest and the privileges of the youngest. Therefore, you can see a mix of qualities of both a responsible firstborn and a cheerful youngest. Although this is not always the case, because if the middle child is distinguished by something, has some talents that others do not have, he will find a good position in the family. The situation of the middle branch also depends on the sex of the other children. For example, if a girl will be between two boys (or a boy between two girls), her position may be similar to that of the youngest child in the family.
Placing between the two extremes - older and youngest siblings - helps middle children ingaining diplomatic skills. They find a compromise in difficult situations, they know how to negotiate and reconcile. They are also flexible, which makes them easy to adapt to changes or to suggestions from others. They may also benefit from their position, for example, in some situations, saying that they are too small to do something, in others that they are too big. This attitude helps them avoid responsibility.
Middle school kids are much more laid back than older kids, often at the cost of academic performance. On the other hand, they are good at making contacts and resolving social conflicts. They also feel good among their peers because they are more "outward" oriented. They are altruistic, helpful, optimistic. Those middle children who will not find a place as negotiators and mediators and will not be noticed, may withdraw. They can develop a feeling that no one is listening to them and no one has time for them, and then they can close in on themselves. But there is also a possibility that they will become individualists, because they had to draw attention to themselves more than the youngest and the oldest.
How to treat the middle child in the family:
- Even though the baby is not complaining, it doesn't mean that everything is fine. Therefore, spend some time alone with him, ask about his interests and views. Let it not be one of many.
- Don't make him wear clothes from his older brother or sister, try to buy new ones only for him.
- Offer him extra activities (without siblings) so that he can develop his interests.
Personality of the youngest child - family pet
Each next child has to earn a place in the family. When the youngest is born, he finds himself in a world where all the rules have already been established. So his position depends on what places the previous children had. Therefore, he looks for a "gap" for himself. He tries to impress his parents with something other than the rest of his siblings. The youngest child most often chooses the role of a playboy with a sense of humor. It is also related to the fact that parents expect less and require less with the second or third child. By bringing them up, they are also no longer as tense and insecure as with the firstborn. It is also important for the youngest that he will never be dethroned. Thanks to this, it can remain a child for the rest of its life. And that's often the case. Parents and older siblings feel responsible for the youngest even as he grows up.
But the gender of the siblings is also of great importance. The youngest sister of the brothers (and likewise the youngest brother of the sisters) often becomes a person in constant need of help. He will avoid action by claiming nohe can and doesn't know. She is least expected of her, she is constantly being helped by her older siblings or parents. As adults, such people are clumsy, avoid making decisions, but like to attract the attention of those around them. Conversely, if siblings are of the same sex, the youngest child often becomes more creative while looking for talents that older sisters (brothers) do not have. Since his parents were less concerned about them in his early development, he is more open, bold and cheerful, which makes him a family pet. Sometimes, throughout his life, he is carefree, outgoing and often uses the help of others. The youngest children are rarely good bosses, because they do not know how to discipline the team. They are more successful because of creativity and charm.
How to treat the youngest child in your family:
- Don't tell your older siblings to take care of the toddler, don't do it yourself.
- Make sure that the youngest is responsible for something, assign him / her household chores, even minor ones, and require them to fulfill them.
- Be consistent as with older children, reward first of all for the effort put in, not for the results.