For some time your partner has withdrawn from family life, neglecting his duties and hobbies. He has a cold attitude towards you, he is apathetic, indifferent or constantly irritated and aggressive … How to reach him and convince him to visit a psychotherapist? Is there any chance that everything will be back to normal?

Men often find it difficult to admit their weakness, and even more difficult - to turn to a psychotherapist for help. They try to mask their problems, they contradict them, but sooner or later a close person notices that something is wrong with their partner. There may be many reasons for changing his behavior, e.g. depression, neurosis, behavioral addictions such as gambling, sex addiction, and more and more often network addiction (Internet addiction) or phono addiction (addiction to a mobile phone).

It casts a shadow over all spheres of life - not only relationships with loved ones, but also social contacts and work. Often the only solution is the help of a specialist. Meetings are held on neutral ground. Usually, during the first, consultation session, the details of therapeutic sessions are agreed - their frequency and duration. But how do you get your partner to see a psychologist if you strongly oppose it? Why are men usually reluctant to start therapy?

Causes of male aversion to psychotherapy

The answer is provided by research conducted on people with the behavior pattern A (they are characterized, among others, by a high level of ambition; the so-called director's personality), who have had a heart attack. It turned out that pro-he alth behaviors (for patients after a heart attack include changing their lifestyle, conscientiously taking medications) in the case of men, to a greater extent than in women, are associated with a significant decrease in self-esteem.

The same is with psychotherapy. Just going to a psychologist has such an effect. Men think that they do not need help, because you help the weak, not the strong. Added to this is the fear of change, because the current situation, although it may be painful, is well known to them.

The fear of revealing one's teachings and the stigmatization of the profession of a psychologist or the absolutely unauthorized identification of it with a psychiatrist may also be significant. Much also depends on the age of the man. About 40 years of age increases in men, the so-called sense of powerlife, that is agency and influence on your life. After forty, it begins to decline. Hence, statistically, e.g. in the case of addictions, it is easier to persuade a man around fifty to undergo therapy. The most difficult thing is for you between the ages of 30 and 40, when he feels that he is at the top of his abilities.

Before psychotherapy: realizing the problem

Most often it is the relatives who notice faster that a person with a problem needs help. But before they take it, they adjust their behavior to the patient's behavior, falling into codependency. Because you can become addicted to a terminally ill person in any way - whether it is addiction, depression or Alzheimer's disease.

It is usually difficult for the patient himself to see that something is wrong with him. It is only when the mental disorder is advanced that personal distress appears - the sick person experiences mental suffering. These can be bouts of anxiety, anger, despair. Secondly, there is discomfort of the observer, i.e. the suffering of a loved one who sees, for example, a decrease in the life drive or an increase in irritation in a partner. However, he himself often does not take into account the reaction of this person, and any attempt to help him ends in a fiasco.

Important

It is usually difficult for the patient himself to see that something is wrong with him. Only when the mental disorder is advanced, does personal distress appear - the sick person experiences mental suffering.

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Psychotherapy of resistant people: the beginning of change

When you cannot convince your partner to see a psychologist, it is worth going to see him on your own. These are the guidelines of the World He alth Organization (WHO) on co-addicts. Why? The idea is to correct inadequate ways of reacting to the behavior of your loved one. So if the partner tried to reach the man and persuade him to therapy by all means - kindness, anger, shouting, begging - and she feels helpless, it means that these methods were ineffective. So let's learn new ones - with the help of a specialist. Then - perhaps in a mirror image - the partner will see that he has a problem and will want to do something about it. But until we take any step, the toxic situation will not change.

It is sometimes effective to make the partner aware of the consequences of not taking the therapy. They should be burdensome for him and feasible for the person who cares about his treatment. Then there is a chance that he will agree to the therapy. However, this may not work for depression. In men, it is most often associated with some life losses, e.g. dismissal from work, a serious illness. Often times, beforedepression becomes advanced, aggression increases in men, and they also regulate their tension with stimulants or addictive behaviors. Then it is also worth consulting a psychologist on how to deal with a partner. Attempting to force him to see the therapist may end in failure, because it is difficult to reach the person who is in the office as a guest.

Even if the partner comes "for the sake of peace," a good specialist can take advantage of it. It means that there is a reason why he appeared - even if not for himself, then for a loved one. And since it is there, you can try to work with it.

Psychotherapy for the very resistant: intervention in crisis

A sick person is not able to solve his problems on his own. If the situation worsens and the partner still refuses to start therapy, a crisis intervention can be performed. This method consists in preparing relatives of the patient's environment (usually from 3 to 5) for a conversation which confronts him with the consequences of his behavior and is to lead to treatment. It is important that they are people who care about the good of this man - who love him, respect him, have good memories with him, e.g. the closest friend, wife who loves him (still), children, or someone from the group of co-workers. However, it cannot be anyone whom he does not like or respect.

During the meeting with the sick person, these people talk about his functioning before and now, and about their feelings towards him. They also state the consequences of not treating him, but they must be real, to be met. Crisis intervention is effective in approximately half of the patients. If, despite such help, the treatment is not started by, for example, an addicted person (because in this case the mechanism of denial of the disease is strong), then the therapy should stay close to her, because changes in the current family system are necessary. Psychotherapy then helps to break free from the vicious cycle of co-addiction and begin to feel the joy of life despite the difficult situation. It often turns out that such modeling on one's own example is the first step to starting therapy by the partner. However, it is worth being prepared that it may take a while, because roughly as long as you get into various troubles, you also get out of them for a long time.

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Beware of suicidal thoughts

According to statistics, more women than men want to commit suicide, but men are more effective … ifvery introverted. A warning signal should be his negative views about himself, the world and the future (the so-called depressive triad). This is a sign that you need to seek help as soon as possible, for example from a primary care physician, because these beliefs are influenced by cognitive distortions (errors in logical thinking), which are related, among others, to with a decrease in the level of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine - neurotransmitters responsible for mood.

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Psychology