The fear of neoplastic diseases is undoubtedly strengthened by the fact that they are associated with enormous suffering and long, arduous treatment. Despite the fact that most of us have met a person with cancer or their loved ones at least once in our lifetime, we don't always know how to talk to those who have just heard an unsuccessful diagnosis or are undergoing treatment.

75% of Poles believe thatcancercauses the most fear among patients - according to the report of the "Allow for support" campaign initiated by Actavis Polska. Where do these fears come from and why, despite the prevalence of the problem, is it difficult for most of us to talk to someone with cancer?

Cancer: understand the patient's emotions

Oncological diagnosis is a moment of crisis for both the sick person and their relatives. No wonder that the patient develops a lot of new emotions and behaviors that may initially be difficult to understand and accept by those close to him. In such a situation, one should realize that these often incomprehensible behaviors are nothing more than defense mechanisms that the patient activates in order to cope with the crisis and adapt to the new situation. The most common defense mechanisms that appear in response to a threatening situation include:

  • denial - the patient denies the disease;
  • suppression - the patient verbalizes the lack of fear or anxiety, because he is prepared for everything;
  • denial - the sick person does not want to know anything about his illness, he wants to forget that he is ill;
  • projection - the patient transfers fear to an organ other than the one affected by the neoplastic disease;
  • rationalization - the patient looks for reasonable arguments for the observed symptoms or events in order to hide their real cause from themselves.

Talking about cancer does not hurt

It is natural that in our daily conversation we prefer to take up more pleasant and easier topics related to life than to talk about such serious problems as cancer, which we associate with misfortune and death. Apart from worries about the patient's life, we may not know how to behave in contact with our loved ones.

What should I remember when talking to a cancer patient?

  • Offer support. Reassure the patient of your willingness to help, if you really want to help. When a sick person refuses to help, do not put pressure on him. Just say in what situations it can count on you.
  • Listen to what the sick person says. In a situation where you do not know how to start a conversation, let the person who is sick speak first. Listen carefully, making sure you understand the patient's intentions well. Do not advise or try to control the conversation. Give the sick person a chance to reveal their emotions.
  • Be honest. Express your feelings clearly and honestly. Formulate thoughts with the message "I", e.g. "I'm worried when you don't say anything."
  • Don't avoid talking about your own fear. This way you will show the person that their anxiety is not isolated.
  • Do not underestimate the patient's fear. If the patient talks directly about his fears, do not underestimate the image of the disease that a loved one has. Some patients are offended when the interlocutor disregards their fears, concluding them with the statement: "Do not overdo it, everything will be fine, we will go somewhere soon". Refrain from commenting like, "You don't look sick at all."
  • Don't just focus on the disease. When in contact with the sick person, try to behave as usual. Bring up the topics that you have always discussed together so far, ask him for advice on issues that are important to you. Let the sick person feel that nothing has changed in your relationship. At the same time, carefully observe the interlocutor, if you notice that one of the topics you have chosen does not suit him, do not go any further.
  • Make sure the patient is willing to inform others about his illness. If you have decided not to let anyone else know about your condition, respect their decision, but also tell us how you feel about the decision. You can point to the benefits of increasing the number of people who can be asked for help. However, do not put pressure on the patient to make him change his mind.
  • Just be there. It is important to be able to remain silent together with the patient. Silence shouldn't be embarrassing. Occasionally, uninterrupted chattering can tire or irritate the person who is sick. Sometimes a moment of silence expresses emotions better than constant conversation. Often just a touch or a smile can express more than many words.

Category:

Psychology