- Emotional blackmail: attitudes disguised by people who emotionally blackmail others
- Emotional blackmail: who is particularly susceptible to it?
- Emotional blackmail: how to deal with it?
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Emotional blackmail can be used by children, partners or even friends. "You do not love me, because you do not want to buy me this toy" - such a sentence has probably been heard by more than one parent from his child, and this is how he has become a victim of emotional blackmail. What behaviors can be considered emotional blackmail and, perhaps most importantly, how does it manifest and deal with emotional blackmail?
Emotional blackmailis an unpleasant experience that, unfortunately, is "funded" by our closest people.Emotional blackmailcan be used by his beloved mother on his child, this problem can also arise between very close friends and between partners.
Emotional blackmail is a phenomenon that occurs between two people - one person uses this type of blackmail, the other becomes its victim. By acting on the victim's emotions, the emotional blackmailer simply wants to achieve their goals. The concept of fog is associated with emotional blackmail (English FOG, which is an abbreviation of three words - Fear, Obligation and Guilt). The fog resulting from emotional blackmail is nothing more than "masking" the final message that is to cause fear, guilt and a sense of duty in the victim.
Unfortunately, every person has experienced emotional blackmail. This is because the partner's words: "if you really loved me, you would work less," or the words of the child, addressed to the parents: "you did not buy me my dream pet, I am no longer motivated to learn and I will not pass to the next grade" can be treated as this problem. ". Thus, emotional blackmail may be considered any messages that evoke unpleasant feelings in the victim and are designed to make the victim act in the emotional manner expected by the blackmailer.
Some people who emotionally blackmail other people do so consciously. However, there may be situations where the blackmailer is not really aware that his communication with people close to him is not correct, and besides … he himself may be emotionally blackmailed by his feelings of anxiety and fear.
Emotional blackmail: attitudes disguised by people who emotionally blackmail others
Professionals dealing withThe issue of emotional blackmail is distinguished by four different attitudes that may be adopted by people who use this form of manipulation.
1. Prosecutor
The first of them is referred to asprosecutor- in this case, failure to comply with a veiled demand directed at the victim leads to the prosecutor's open anger manifested by aggression - it may be active aggression (e.g. in the form of threats), but also passive aggression (e.g. silence). As an example of the prosecutor's attitude, the sentence: "if you ever contact your former partner, I will hurt you".
2. Flagellant
Biczownikis another attitude of people who use emotional blackmail. In this case, the victim is convinced that if he does not meet the expectations, the blackmailer will experience some suffering - e.g. sadness or significant depression. Here, as an example, you can give such a sentence, directed at the victim of emotional blackmail: "if you decide to leave without me, I will be terribly sorry, possibly even break down".
3. Patient
Another pose taken by people who use emotional blackmail issufferer . Such people can expect the victim to do whatever it takes to improve their mood - the victim's feelings of guilt and responsibility for the condition of the sufferer, mentioned earlier, are to appear in the victim. Sufferers may seem, for example, extremely sad, but when asked by a loved one, which led to such a situation, their response may be insignificant: "nothing".
4. Tempter
The last of the distinguished attitudes related to emotional blackmail istempter . As the expression itself indicates, tempters try to induce victims to act according to their expectations by mentioning some form of reward. Here, as an example, you can give the sentence: "If you give up meeting friends and give me more time, then our relationship will finally start to get better". The victim may think that, indeed, succumbing to the blackmailer's demands may lead to some profit for him, but tempters do not offer anything for free. Their "offers" appear only so that they can get exactly what they want, not necessarily what their loved ones already want.
This will be useful to youEmotional blackmail: who is particularly susceptible to it?
In fact, each of us can become a victim of emotional blackmail. Some people, however, are much more susceptible to it - amongfeatures that make it easier to influence our actions by putting pressure on our emotions, we can mention, among others:
- having low self-esteem,
- great need for acceptance from other people,
- no assertiveness,
- difficulties in setting boundaries in interpersonal contacts,
- problems with making decisions on their own.
Emotional blackmail: how to deal with it?
One thing can be said about emotional blackmail - it cannot be treated as a proper form of interpersonal communication. Emotional blackmail can definitely lead to considerable discomfort for the person experiencing it - after all, victims of this problem may experience it from a beloved partner or closest friend.
In a situation where, next to emotional blackmail, there is love or a long-term friendship, should we come to terms with being a victim of this type of manipulation? Absolutely not - events popularly called "fears" or other forms of acting on our emotions, prompting us to act in accordance with the expectations of the blackmailer, definitely should not appear in a well-functioning relationship or friendly relationship. It is obvious that people want their needs to be met, but this cannot be achieved by emotional blackmailing other people.
When we experience emotional blackmail, let's say to a loved one that we can see how he is trying to manipulate us.
You can talk about mutual needs without unnecessarily hiding them. It is possible that the person using emotional blackmail will notice that they are not doing the right thing and will try to change their behavior. Sometimes it is necessary - e.g. in the case of a couple in whose relationship there is emotional blackmail - the use of the help of specialists, e.g. therapy for couples.
There may also be situations where the victim's efforts fail and they continue to experience emotional blackmail from their loved one. Such a relationship - a relationship, for example - most likely will not work. The condition for the proper functioning of a relationship is mutual care for each other's needs, while in the case of people who use emotional blackmail, they only care about their needs - what the partner needs is basically significantly downplayed by the blackmailer or even ignored at all. In interpersonal relationships, manipulation is a definitely unfavorable phenomenon - sometimes it is worth just saying enough and breaking away from the role of a victim, and then looking for another person who will pay attention not only to himself,but also for what the other person needs.
About the authorBow. Tomasz NęckiA graduate of medicine at the Medical University of Poznań. An admirer of the Polish sea (most willingly strolling along its shores with headphones in his ears), cats and books. In working with patients, he focuses on always listening to them and spending as much time as they need.