VERIFIED CONTENTConsultation: dr Tadeusz Oleszczuk, gynecologist-obstetrician
When thinking about a man in a gynecological office, the first association that appears is pregnancy, but is that the only circumstance? What are the benefits of visiting with your partner or loved one? We talked about it with an expert, Dr. Tadeusz Oleszczuk.
Patrycja Pupiec:Do you often see couples in your office?
Tadeusz Oleszczuk:Yes, more and more often. I can see this difference clearly, because it used to be a rarity, and now there is not a week that I would not have couples in my office.
Why was this not the case before?
There was a time when the thinking was that a man would not be useful in the office, because it is a pregnant woman and he alth is her business and the gentlemen were ashamed to attend a visit to the gynecologist. But that is changing to the benefit of both sides. It turned out that a man at the gynecologist can be helpful. The awareness among men is increasing and very good. This shared responsibility appears - not only for the course of pregnancy, but also for the relationship between his parents. Today, about 20 percent have a problem with infertility. par, and when I started my practice, i.e. some 30 years ago, there were much fewer of them.
So it's good that men accompany women during their visits?
Absolutely. If the girl is willing to do so, that's fine. I always try to write down all the recommendations, but sometimes there is a lot of it and only part of it can be remembered. In such a situation, the partner may remind about the necessity of preventive examinations or about the discussed recommendations.
During the visit, the partner can also ask about certain things and sometimes remember what the girl misses. It works by complementing and supporting each other. Education is very important.
Support is especially important in oncological treatment, right?
Yes, nowadays we focus on openness and all doubts should be discussed. I omit the fact that doctors have 10-15 minutes for one visit, but this is due to the poor organization of the he althcare system in the country. Despite this, we try to comprehensively treat our patients, but you have to appreciate thatmen want to get involved and they do. Apart from pregnancy and pregnancy visits, it is precisely the circumstance in which your partner is struggling with cancer that requires careful discussion. A partner who is not afraid of, does not run away, but accompanies the woman in this fight against the disease and supports her, for example by participating in visits, is a great support.
Why is it worth bringing your partner when we are trying for a baby or when we are already pregnant?
When we are trying to become pregnant or are already in pregnancy, it would be good for the patient to come with a partner. Then, during an ultrasound scan, the man has a chance to see the baby move, how his heart beats. These are not only issues that give you joy, but also build a bond. The partner has the opportunity to hear recommendations and often supports the pregnant woman to take good care of herself, especially to eat well. There is shared responsibility for the child, which is very important for the couple, because he also cares about pregnancy and the quality of their relationship.
What are the benefits of a joint visit for a couple?
Men can ask about certain things, so you can definitely see their commitment. Sometimes it happens that partners simply match up in such a way that the woman has hormonal disorders and the man has problems with sperm quality. Then it's doubly difficult, but sometimes changing the diet and lifestyle combined with the right treatment helps. When two people hear a recommendation from a doctor, they then motivate each other. This benefit of visiting together is sometimes extremely valuable. Blood test results confirm that you are making progress towards getting pregnant. Some men are difficult to convince to test semen, but when they hear it from a doctor, it is easier for them to make a decision.
If you are infected with sexually transmitted diseases, it is also worth taking your partner with you?
The decision belongs to the patient, because it is a very intimate matter. Especially when he has several partners. The doctor focuses on diagnosis and treatment, but I also recommend tests with a partner, which women are asking for themselves. In men, infections are often asymptomatic and it is difficult to treat only the partner when the infection returns once a year.
If a couple has a problem with infertility, what will they get out of this joint visit?
In such cases as fertility disorders, I would like 100 percent. couples showed up in the offices of fertility clinics. You need to know the parameters of semen in order to approach treatment honestly and comprehensively and focus on both sides.
Sometimes the patient informs that the partner is waiting outside the office and asks if she can ask for him. Better for him to hear from the doctor that the problem is on his side than for his partner to tell him. It is important that they can hear it together, which is especially important in this particular problem, because it concerns both sides. Often, multi-directional actions have to be taken, and the decision is up to the couple.
Exactly, but this visit only lasts a moment …
Then the meeting is extended, because it is actually a double visit, because we focus not on one person, but on two. If the problem affects both people, it is usually easier for a woman to obtain the correct parameters or find a professional solution to the problem. In the event that the problem is on the man's side, we can verify the information with a medical source. What's more, it will be referred to appropriate research, and sometimes to appropriate specialists.
This is certainly a difficult situation for both women and men.
More than once I see couples where a man is upset that a woman cannot get pregnant because there is pressure from the family. The house is already built, the car is bought, the mother-in-law are waiting. I just had such a situation recently. A young 27-year-old boy with disastrous semen test results precluding ever having children, and the woman's results were good, though she had already been "blamed for not being pregnant." However, in this case, the problem was with the man, and the results of the research confirmed it. On the other hand, the gentlemen are really left to themselves, because no one conducts diagnostics of semen parameters until it becomes a problem. Sometimes it turns out that 2-3 years of trying to get pregnant pass and nothing. Therefore, semen analysis is necessary, because it contributes a lot to the diagnosis of the problem. Already one year of trying to get pregnant without any effect should require specific tests in both partners.
As an obvious example, when it is worth taking a partner to visit, you are trying to have a baby or having problems with infertility. When it comes to intimate infections, is it also worth considering?
As for intimate infections, when they occur frequently, I recommend that your partner get tested as both partners should be treated.
What if a woman comes to visit with a partner who is not her husband? How does access to information look like then?
In the presence of my partner, I only provide information that I am sure the woman would like him to hear. However, if I decide that I would like toonly talk to her, then I ask my partner to wait in the corridor. It is similar when a young girl comes, accompanied by her mother. I talk to the patient in the presence of the mother, but then comes the part when the mother leaves. The girl can talk freely and ask what is bothering her.
During the visit, gynecological examinations are often performed, which in themselves can cause discomfort. What then with the partner?
As a rule, the man sits near the desk, separated by a screen or the examination is carried out in a different part of the room. The most important thing is respect for the woman, and for this you need to maintain intimacy. The situation is different when a woman is pregnant, then during an ultrasound scan, a man can see the embryo and enjoy it with the woman, instead of waiting outside the door and not even knowing what it looks like. Of course, the current epidemic situation limits such presence, but when normality returns to normal, such situations may occur.
Despite the increase in openness, many men probably still treat the presence during a gynecological visit as a discomfort.
Yes, but even out of curiosity, it's worth coming and seeing. If all is well, the man will hear the recommendation, and this already engages him in some way. It's just a valuable experience. There is a benefit for the woman, but for the relationship in the relationship.
Of course, you need awareness, maturity, a certain degree of intimacy to overcome shame, but I always appreciate when couples come to the offices. Sometimes a girl asks me if she can ask my partner who is sitting in front of the office door to tell him certain messages directly.
Does it happen that the man is more involved during the visit?
Of course. Sometimes it happens that a woman forgets to say certain things or does not notice them, and the man notices and talks about them. Each couple has their own way of communicating.
The COVID pandemic and related limitations made visiting joint visits difficult, right?
Of course, we still take preventive measures. There are even greater restrictions in hospitals. For example, during childbirth, a man may only be present for a short time or not at all. Although, if the situation changes, it will be like before. However, the next wave of disease is just beginning, so restrictions may increase.
Such a joint visit also means more effort for the doctor.
Yes, because he has to pay attention to two people and sometimes it doesthe partner asks more questions than the woman. I know that some doctors may be irritated by this, because it is known that the visit is prolonged, and there are more patients waiting in the corridor. Some people do not necessarily like to see a man who asks inquiring questions. Sometimes the partner can accuse the gynecologist with them, sometimes even several times for the same, which can be frustrating.
More and more men appear in preventive campaigns targeted at women. It's good that partners are involved and it is shown that women's he alth is also a men's matter?
This is a good "use" of your partner. The partner is equally interested in the quality of the girl's he alth. Is able to supervise the implementation of preventive examinations. It works both ways. Today, the advancement of medicine is enormous. It is possible to fight cancer and live for many more years, and especially in oncology it is important to early detection and support that a partner can provide.
This goodwill, which the partner expresses in the presence of the visit, builds the couple's relationships and certainly strengthens them. This helps a lot for a woman who feels she has support from someone close to her.
And if the woman has no partner or is a homosexual person and would like her friend, partner or sister to accompany her during the visit?
Of course! Today people are more open. It happens that the patient comes and tells us immediately what her orientation is. A doctor is first and foremost a professional and a woman expects a professional service, so she must be provided with it. This honesty is important, I especially appreciate when a woman openly talks about her sex life, which raises her concerns, how often she performs tests, how many sexual partners she has, how to protect herself, because it simply makes it easier to diagnose or indicate a group diseases she may be exposed to.
So the most important thing is the patient's well-being and if she wants to take someone with her, she should be able to do so, right?
Yes, of course. The comfort and effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment counts, so if she wants to and it will be easier for her with an accompanying person, it's not a problem.
gynecologist-obstetrician Tadeusz OleszczukGynecologist-obstetrician with over 30 years of experience. Author of the books "What the gynecologist will not tell you" and "Calm your hormones".
www.tadeuszoleszczuk.pl
fb.com / drtadeusz
Read other articles from the StrefaKobiety series:
- First visit to the gynecologist: what can you expect?
- Dr. Oleszczuk: If a woman comes to the doctor in stage II or III, the cancer is reduceda chance for successful treatment
- 20 percent couples deal with infertility. Mostly not the fault of the woman
- Last menstruation and menopause. How to prepare for it?
- Hormonal contraception: advantages and disadvantages, selection and fertility effects
- How to take care of intimate hygiene to avoid infections?
- Allergies - where do they come from? Allergy to semen and condoms
- Dr. Oleszczuk on the prohibition of abortion: I am always on the side of women and this is the case in this case