This special children's day falls on October 15th. Lost Children's Day. When a miscarriage terminates a pregnancy, there is pain, a sense of injustice and a recurring question: Why? Words cannot describe the overwhelming sadness that accompanies parents after losing a child. Let's think about it on October 15, the Day of the Lost Children.

October 15celebratingLost Children's Day . When a woman learns that she is pregnant, she realizes the existence of her baby. From the very first moment, he imagines him: his sex, appearance and various situations related to him. As the pregnancy develops, expectant parents become more and more attached to their baby. While waiting for the baby, they prepare for the role of parent. They usually don't take into account the bad scenario - a miscarriage. They assume the pregnancy will end happily.

Miscarriage - a drama that is hard to come to terms with

However, there are difficult situations when a newborn baby is miscarried or dies. Then the parents experience a drama that is difficult to come to terms with. Such a state in psychology is called a crisis. It is clearer the more unexpected the loss is and the more severe the more you feel for the lost person. This crisis, also called mourning - understood as a state of sadness, grief, suffering - is a certain process of both mental and physical experiences that have their own dynamics and change over time. It consists of several stages and tasks that must be undertaken in order to survive.

Grief after a miscarriage - everyone experiences differently

Every death is hard to accept, especially the death of a child. Everyone experiences loss in their own way. Passing through the most difficult emotions, some fall into silence and stillness, others cry, lament, and fail. Some are looking for support, others are looking for a hiding place. There is no formula for dealing with loss, but there are a few things that will help you get through the mourning period.

  • Farewell. The important thing is to say goodbye to your baby. If this is impossible, you can say goodbye symbolically. The burial and the related resting place help to realize the reality of the loss and accept the situation. There are no legal contraindications tounfortunately not all parents are aware of it.
  • Talking about emotions. Talking about your emotions and feelings related to the loss allows you to tame them. However, it is often avoided because of fear and helplessness. Repressing grief and pain does not help, on the contrary, it makes it difficult to grieve, so you should mourn the loss. Sometimes you have to shed a sea of ​​tears to come back to reality.
  • Support. It is difficult to help bereaved people. The most important thing, however, is that they are not left alone with all of this. An important role in this situation can be played by doula - the caretaker of the family. An understanding, warm and empathetic person, often experienced in life, who will support suffering people with his knowledge and appropriate behavior. Her presence alone, help in everyday matters and conversation will be supportive. Doula should be a support at every stage of pregnancy and in the puerperium. It should also support parents who lose their baby at different stages of pregnancy, as well as during stillbirth. It is important for the parents of a lost child to understand and accept the situation. Difficult conversations should not be avoided. It has to be worked through. Doula, using her experience, should help parents get through the first, hardest moments after the loss. If necessary, explain all ambiguities. And in extreme cases, give you a hint about the possibility of using a therapist's help. He can even attend the first meeting at the psychologist's office.

Miscarriage - respect for mourning

Losing a child is an unimaginable tragedy for parents. Therefore, no one has the right to belittle, question, or disregard the feelings of those in mourning. Despite our best efforts, we can never be sure that we will understand such people. One thing is for sure, people affected by this difficult experience have the right to experience it in their own way. Let us experience mourning, let us not contradict it and disturb it, let us not forbid crying, let us not judge or criticize. If we don't know how to behave, let's just stay close. It is said that "time heals all wounds," I think in that case it does not heal but heals them. Scars remain for a long time. For many years in the world, for about 8 years in Poland, October is the month of remembrance of deceased children, October 15 - the Lost Child Day. It is worth remembering.

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Pregnancy