As soon as we retire, there is a line of grandchildren at our door, which we have to take care of, because we still have a lot of free time. Do grandparents have to agree to it or can they say: No!?

In our Polish reality, the autumn of life is not always golden. We all know the problems associated with it.

However, if we have a well-paid job, paid loans, raised children, the upcoming retirement may be associated with the time of well-deserved and long-awaited rest.

We then make plans like Japanese oldies that we will travel around the world with an inseparable camera and just snap, snap, snap.

And then others enter our beautiful tourist dream. Because everyone around us is also happy that we will finally have some free time. And everyone would like to use this time properly.

Do grandparents have to look after grandchildren - children's expectations

The first to line up are of course our children. Someone will think: well, children are already raised! Yes, but most often children already have their own children, and besides, a lot of responsibilities and a constant lack of time.

A large proportion of married couples are eagerly awaiting the retirement age of their parents or in-laws, because they simply cannot keep up with everything. Sometimes they even ask for their parents to retire sooner so that they can return to work themselves after the end of maternity leave.

If a flat or a house fits several generations of the family, if there are children, parents and grandparents, the latter are involved in educational and organizational matters almost automatically.

The more enterprising a young couple, the more responsibilities they leave to their grandparents. If the family got separated because the young already have their own place, the so-called tossing begins. The child divides his life between the family home and the grandparents' apartment.

Therefore, it is not surprising to see older people picking up their toddlers from kindergarten or school, walking in the park with a pram, doing homework with their grandchildren, and sometimes even coming to school meetings.

Do grandparents have to look after their grandchildren - duty or goodwill?

Someone will say: What's wrong with that? Seniors have too much free time, nowhere to themin no rush, and thanks to their new responsibilities, at least they do not get bored and feel needed.

Probably the majority of young couples do not really see a problem in giving their parents their responsibilities in such a way. And most of them count on help from their grandparents.

It is worth asking: are such expectations legitimate? Do young people have a moral right to relinquish some of their responsibilities to seniors or vice versa: do seniors have a moral obligation to participate in the upbringing of their grandchildren?

There seems to be no such obligation. We spent sixty years of learning, work, chores, fear for the family and trying to make this family live in the maximum possible harmony. There must be a moment when we can finally relax.

And if we see that others are trying to impose obligations on us that we do not want, we can safely refuse to accept them. This does not mean, of course, that we must not accept them. If we feel up to it, if it gives us joy, let us devote as much time as possible to our beloved grandchildren.

The only thing that is important in this case is our decision. Let the young people ask for permission to give us babies, let them ask us. And then we will really feel needed and important. After several decades of hardships, we certainly deserve it.

Read also: Grandma - free babysitter for grandchildren? How to refuse to look after your grandchildren?

Wise grandparents

If you get set up with new responsibilities, even though you dreamed of retirement in sunny Spain only six months ago, be smart grandparents. Pamper your grandchildren, but don't spoil them.

Do not replace their parents and challenge their authority. And enjoy the moments spent with the youngest generation, although sometimes your spine will break from carrying it in your arms, and your tongue will not keep up with the answers to millions of questions. And do as much as you can and want. Remember that as seniors you don't need anything anymore.

Do grandparents have to look after their grandchildren - how to step into the shadows?

What if it's the other way around? Because such situations also happen, and not rarely at all. There are seniors who cannot imagine being excluded from family life, despite reaching the resting age. They want to be still active, participate in the lives of their children and participate in the life decisions of young people and in raising their grandchildren.

This attitude may be enjoyable, but not always. There are young couples who consider self-rearing of their offspring to be the most important goal they set for themselves. Without the participation of nannies, babysitters or … grandparents. Then what?

Unfortunately, as seniors we have a duty to step down. Since we give ourselves the right to refuse to impose excess responsibilities on us, we must give our children the right to decide which path they choose. We need to understand that this decision on their part is not against us.

They decide to be independent because they think it will be the best for their new community. So let's not hold it against them, let's enjoy every request for help from them, because such requests must come sooner or later.

And then let's not say clichés like: Oh! The goat came to the cart. Remember that these young people have to make every mistake that we have already ticked off.

Category:

Geriatrics