What prevents us from achieving the goals we set for ourselves? Research shows that only a small percentage of people keep their resolutions. We plan to lose weight, break the addiction, we want to live a he althy life, and usually nothing comes of it.

We like to set goals: "I will wake up at 6.00 every day to have time to run", "I will sign up for karate", "I will train my English", "I will not take a cigarette in my mouth anymore", "2 times in week I will go to the swimming pool "," I have to lose 10 kg by summer vacation ". We make resolutions, we surrender … and soon we give up, discovering that it hasn't worked out. We make a new resolution and the cycle repeats itself. Why didn't it work out? And is it possible to reduce the risk of failure?

You don't really want to achieve all of your goals

Resolutions are most often a compromise between the desire to do something difficult and laziness. And sometimes we can predict in advance that nothing will come out of them. Two symptoms herald this. There are no chances for declarations concerning the future tense, not the present one ("from tomorrow …", "from next week …"). Why would someone prefer to choose something "from the New Year" and not "from now" ("Quit smoking now")? The decision "from now on" is more difficult. It means that we must make an effort today. When we decide something "from tomorrow", we will start the effort "later", "sometime". This is why there is a grain of failure in the decisions "from tomorrow": for if someone is primarily motivated by the desire to avoid effort, then of course he will not keep any resolution. Someone might say, "Well, if this person doesn't want to make an effort, why make any decisions at all?" And here we come across the most interesting psychological phenomenon: in decisions "from tomorrow" most often the point is not to achieve anything. It is only about maintaining the belief that the goal is achievable and that we will achieve it one day.

Real goal or illusion silencing the conscience?

We humans need illusions sometimes in order to function well. A person who plays the lottery game needs, above all, to maintain the faith that he will be rich one day. If he stopped playing, he would have to part with his dream, so he buys a lottery ticket to hold the dream down. To the smoker to goodof mental well-being, it is not necessary to quit smoking, it is enough for him to convince himself that he can quit smoking and he will do it "someday". This is an interesting discovery by psychologists: some resolutions are made not to achieve a goal, but to maintain the illusion, improve well-being, silence the conscience and satisfy expectations of ourselves. Achieving the goal is not at all the priority then. And that is why we can predict with high probability that such decisions "from tomorrow" will never be successful.

We stand in the way of achieving our own goals

If someone asked at this point: What prevents us from implementing our own decisions? - the answer is clear: We stand in our way. More specifically, our reluctance to bear and our desire to keep the situation unchanged is in the way. A good example is the action of an alcoholic who decides not to take vodka from tomorrow. But when he goes home the next day, he meets a friend he has not seen for a long time, and he persuades him to drink a cup. Deep down, the alcoholic is happy, for here is the perfect excuse for not keeping his resolution. Of course, he doesn't waste time thinking about the fact that he could talk to a friend today without drinking. The important thing is that he has found a good excuse to break his promise. And no one - and most of all he himself - can blame the fact that he has just succumbed …

If you were to try to create a recipe that would make it easier for us to achieve success, it would sound paradoxical: "It will be easier for you to stick to the resolution when you realize how much you do not want to stick to it." The more we are aware of our own resistance, the better we recognize what is self-hampering and the temptation to do what we have done so far without any changes, the greater the chances are that we will avoid these obstacles and keep our resolutions.

Do you want to achieve your goal? Take care of a plan B

Let's say that someone understands their own resistance, realizes their reluctance to take trouble, etc. Then they stop playing games with themselves and start seriously thinking about keeping their resolutions. Is that enough? Unfortunately, while motivation is the most important, it may not be enough. Even sincere resolutions will backfire for another important reason: the lack of a specific plan. For example: a smoker decides to quit smoking, but stops there. He does not plan how to deal with the temptation that will come one day, he does not think about what will help him get through the most difficult, initial period, or what he will do to make it easier for himself to achieve.purpose. Therefore, when setting goals, we should prepare ourselves well. Psychologists have created a lot of recommendations that make it easier to keep to the resolutions. Some of them are more effective, others less so. Taken together, however, they offer a pretty good chance of success. Here are some of them.

  • Learn as much as possible about your problem, read on. Knowledge helps.
  • Create a specific plan to achieve your goal. Even write it down or draw it on a piece of paper.
  • Seek other people's support: If you want to break free, join a self-help group. If you want to start running, arrange to run with a friend. If you want to deal with your own emotional or personality problem, use psychotherapy or other consultations with a specialist.
  • Remember that once you break, the time something goes wrong, it doesn't mean that everything is lost. Many addicts (such as smokers) think this way, “Oh no! I did not smoke for three weeks and today I smoke. All is lost… ”. All is not lost. It was only one cigarette.
  • The most difficult thing about resolution is to resist temptation. So make a plan to deal with your moments of weakness. How will you handle when temptation comes to you? For example, make an appointment that you can then call a friend who knows your problem and will help you at a time like this. Or make a plan to distract from temptation, etc.
  • If your resolve is to get rid of some unwanted behavior, think about its equivalent. Can you replace the one you want to get rid of with some he althy behavior?
  • Tell an important person you respect and care about your resolve. Then it's harder to give up. Pride helps endurance.
  • Remember that even an iron will and a perfect plan often lose in the face of weight loss or addictions. In such situations, the support of professionals is often needed.

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Psychology