He's in his fifties, she's only twenty. She is turning 40, he is only just entering adulthood. Could a large age difference in a relationship be an obstacle to happiness, or is it exactly in harmony with nature? Does such love have a chance to survive?

A diagram that shows the differences in gender sexuality was included in her new book, The Art of Loving. Twenty Years Later ”Michalina Wisłocka. Thus, sexuality erupts in boys at the age of 10, then continues to rise rapidly to peak at age 18, then gradually decline. In contrast, women only become conscious lovers by the age of 35 and begin to claim their rights in sex. And the best sexual period for the fair sex occurs at the age of 43. Then the needs in this sphere of life decrease, until they almost completely disappear after the age of 60.
So the graphs of the sex drive curves of men and women are completely different. They only intersect once, at the age of 35. - It is an extremely short period of sexual harmony of both sexes - sums up Michalina Wisłocka.

Age difference in relationship quite natural?

- Relationships of elderly men with very young women and mature ladies with men in their twenties are physiological. Perhaps they are quite natural - wonders Ryszard Rutkowski, a gynecologist dealing with sex education in schools, clinics and foundations. Joanna Jankowska was a student of the acting school in Łódź, when she fell in love with the theater director 22 years her senior and the respected director Bogdan Hussakowski. They worked together on the play "Dangerous Liaisons". She played the lead role, he was directing. - We were influenced by the atmosphere of this show - laughs 38-year-old Joanna today. Fascination,love , passion turned into a lasting relationship. Joanna and Bogdan are 14 years old together. They have three children. They are happy, they have been through a lot together, incl. Bogdan's serious illness. They are connected by theater, sensitivity, common interests and life priorities. - I can't imagine that I could be with someone my age - Joanna assures.
- It's a perfect relationship - my friends agree. But when people found out about their romance, a real social scandal broke out. Even the closest ones did not give them too much chancefuture. He will leave her for the younger one, she will leave him for his peer, they prophesied. Perhaps that's why Bogdan and Joanna got married without a big pump. The environment accepted their marriage only after many years.

Age difference in relationship - sex and money

- An older man and a young woman are more common than a younger partner and an older partner. It is also more easily tolerated socially, even with a large age difference. A woman is impressed by his life experience, and a man is fascinated by her youth. She appreciates him, strengthens his masculinity - explains Rutkowski. There are two reasons for entering into a relationship: feelings and self-interest. The first is intellect or, if you prefer, love. - Then the relationship is permanent and can be harmonious, because people have something more than just sex and beauty. Even if it passes, they have a lot in common - emphasizes Rutkowski. However, much more often the basis of such relationships is quite prosaic: a man is fascinated by a woman's youth, and she is fascinated by his money. One of the politicians, considered to be Polish Don Juan, when asked what women see in him, after all, he is so ugly, replied: "When I stand on my wallet, my attractiveness grows rapidly." - Sex and money itself are weak pillars of the relationship - emphasizes Ryszard Rutkowski. - Partnerships with a large age difference are more difficult to maintain than peers. The partners are divided by age and everything related to it: experiences, views, way of being, musical tastes. If the intellect is as beautiful as a woman, the relationship can survive. The senior partner provides her with money for education and graduation, and she benefits from it. But if a woman is only pretty, a man will go to another as soon as he discovers some imperfection in her.

Age difference in a relationship - shortcuts

Why does a young, shapely and pretty girl who could have anyone choose a man her father's age, and a handsome boy a woman her own mother's age? - If the partner is rich, take a shortcut - explains Ryszard Rutkowski. - Why should you earn some extra money for the next 20 years, when you can have everything immediately: a car, a beautiful house, the best clothes, jewelry, a good life, a position in the company and a sense of security. Besides, the girl can act like a spoiled child, she can be silly and naive, and the boy can be crazy, irresponsible, because they get away with everything in relation to an older person. As long as they looked attractive and were at every command, also sexual - emphasizes Dr. Rutkowski.

Important

In the Polish reality, a large age difference between partners is still rare. We fall in love with each other while still at schoolhigh school or college. Until recently, Polish tradition ordered a woman to marry before the age of 25, then she became an old maid. Thus, women only had a chance to choose a partner in such groups. Although today no one will call the old 30-year-old maid, her husband or partner usually becomes an equal-year-old or a man not much older. It is even said that the marriage will be successful if the man is older than the woman, but not more than 7 years. Probably the idea was that my husband would be able to look after his family as long as possible, and in good shape.
This pattern is still present in our mentality. Therefore, relationships in which partners are separated by many years are still rare and lack social acceptance. They gain permission slowly and without much conviction.

Man with a past

Only a certain type of men are serially involved in relationships with very young girls. Usually it's a passer-by. Most often married or divorced at least once, often having children from previous marriages. He is a valued specialist and has an established professional position. He hates women his age, because they "chatter", see his flaws, are critical and … demanding in bed. Meanwhile, for a young woman, he is attractive in every way. Due to the we alth of the portfolio, connections, opportunities. He impresses with her extensive life experience, and in matters of sex he seems to be a world champion. The older partner can also convince the girl's mother that her daughter will be really safe with him and that she will not miss anything. In fact, the man pampers his bride after the ordeal: he gives her gifts, flowers, and takes her on distant journeys. None of her peers will give her that. From his point of view, a young girl is a great representative "material". It is like the latest car. It improves his image in the eyes of his colleagues. Extends youth.

I feel 20 years younger

Relationships in which she is much older than him (over 10 years) are much more controversial. From the point of view of physiology, it is not surprising - a woman aged 35-45 has needs like a 20-year-old boy. They're both great in bed. - But for a woman, sex is not enough. She needs a conversation, a hug, and acceptance in all areas of her life. And what can she discuss with such a youngster? - asks Rutkowski.
- About everything - 47-year-old Krystyna, an attractive blonde associated with 26-year-old Robert, shrugs. They met at work. She is the sales manager of one of the supermarkets, he worked for her at the reception. He received faxes, made calls, and looked after who entered the office. After a few months, Krystyna made withher deputy, because she saw in him the talent of a salesman.
- I figured it was going to waste. But I promoted him first, and then we started our affair. It continues today. With him I feel as if I were 20 again - he is happy. They have been together for over a year. Krystyna expects Robert to propose to her soon. Sometimes - for fun - she tries on wedding dresses. - I know that for him it is not only money that counts. Although I like to pamper him and make him dear surprises. We understand each other without words. It's love - he assures. And her boyfriend adds: - Krysia meets all my needs. She is caring, caring, seductive. We just feel good together. Age doesn't really matter here.

Like a donut in butter

Meanwhile, Ryszard Rutkowski emphasizes that men often use the position of women in order to improve their professional situation. Also those of the same age, not only younger ones. - Many do it out of calculation, although sometimes they are not aware of it - he adds. A relationship with an experienced woman has many pluses. - It's the life of a donut in butter, if, of course, someone likes mature, intelligent women who know what they want - says 33-year-old Bartłomiej from Krakow. - It is not only love, but also refined sex, a sense of security, position in the environment and a comfortable life. Plus bonuses such as delicious food, gifts and surprises. She takes responsibility for everything. I love mature grandmothers - he smiles, talking about his 40-year-old fiancée. - One should not assume that all those who are with women in their prime are scammers - says Rutkowski. - The position and stability of the chosen one can really impress them, and mature beauty can excite them sexually. The risk is the same as in the case of an older man's relationship with a younger one. Anyway, experienced women will find out that someone wants to use them. Although it happens that love blinds them - he adds.

I'm looking for a strong pattern

- I sometimes hesitate to tell strangers that I am related to a man 28 years older than me - admits Magdalena Cydejko, 32, a veterinarian. Her relationship with 60-year-old Jacek (head of the veterinary clinic in which they both work) has been going on for the fourth year. They have a small child, they will get married when he finally divorces his wife. "People make big eyes first, then I see what they want to say, but they miraculously hold back:" Do you need a daddy? " And that's not true. We are partners! - says Magdalena. Meanwhile, sexologists emphasize that relationships with older men are often made by women who were deprived of their paternal care in their childhood. On the other hand, men strongly connected with their mother or those who lacked good,a strong male role model, they are looking for an older partner.

What will happen next?

The real problem begins only when someone consciously enters into such a relationship, because they count on the profits that will flow from it. The profit is not 100%, because it is much harder for people of different generations to communicate. How will it be next? - There is no rule - admits Dr. Rutkowski. - It is an individual matter of partners, how their life will turn out. It is only known that the birth certificate is not important. And great love knows no bounds. Each side gives each other something valuable. One - youth, energy, carefree, the other - position, security, experience. Besides, a young husband, partner, lover is the best elixir of youth - physical and intellectual. It is enough to look at what women and men look like in the first phase of an affair with someone younger than themselves: they are younger by several or even a dozen or so years. And if they come across someone who loves them, not their money or position, this elixir will last for years.

monthly "Zdrowie"

Category:

Psychology