People of the drama: me - I'm pregnant and my son, husband and his mother. My husband visited my mother on Sunday and heard "you have to get this hole ready for me, because I'm moving in with you!" (it's about a large room in an apartment). The reason is the deterioration of he alth. He has severe coughing attacks that prevent him from functioning normally. And she blames us for not serving her. On the news that I am pregnant, she said, "I'll just arrange you!". My husband's 70 years old and all diseases. The most important are: COPD, asthma, drug-induced allergy (sterile throat mucosa), diabetes, rheumatism, osteoporosis. I know. 5 years ago my husband and I moved in. Her idea was to buy a studio for her, close to us. We promised to help as much as possible. We got married, we have a wonderful 2-year-old son and I'm currently 3 months pregnant. And I don't know what anymore. We can't stand it with my husband. Why do we defend ourselves not to live with his mother? Because he is a despotic person, always dissatisfied and unhappy. The husband only breathed a sigh when he stopped living with her. And yes, he was looking for any excuse not to be with her at home. She doesn't like anything. If she says something and tells her story, it's just how badly she feels and how terrible the world is (they killed it, they cut it up) and everything is terribly expensive. We pay her rent, we pay for The husband is shopping for a limited liability company invigorating (she does not leave the house). The husband is there every day. On Sunday we are going there with our son so that she can enjoy the contact with the granddaughter. There are fights every day. Because my husband bought something too expensive. How could he waste so much money? Because I'm a bad mother and I'm raising my son badly. For the fact that we think differently, that we do not save. That we cheated her and threw her in the trash. He does not agree to: the arrival of the cleaning lady, the lady from the social welfare, the doctor. She refuses to go to the hospital. She shouts that the family is away from taking care of her. She had an argument with her family, neighbors and others. Both my husband and I work Mon-Fri. I'm home at 6:00 PM. My mother looks after my son and helps me to run the house. Husband also comes back late. How am I going to get out of this? Husband drinks beer to help de-stress. Otherwise, he cannot cope with this psychological burden. He doesn't tell me much about my mother (he spares me and doesn't want to upset me). I understand that my husband's mother feels bad. I understand that he needs care. But we will not be able to provide her with this care on such a level that she would be satisfied. I'm not a doctor. NotI know what to do when she coughs so badly. I can see him getting tired, but what should I do? Call an ambulance? She used to see a psychiatrist, but you know. It is difficult to get to the National He alth Fund and you don't go anymore. Her husband goes to the doctors instead. She thinks she can't go anywhere and sit there. He does not agree to private care (it costs as much as you dare !!!), I omit whether we can afford it. The situation seems hopeless.
You describe a terrible situation from which there is no good way out. It seems absolutely certain that you cannot allow your mother-in-law to come to you as it will destroy your marriage. You suspect that the elderly lady has personality disorders due to damage to the central nervous system, so there's not much you can do about it. A psychiatric consultation would be justified - the doctor may prescribe medications to reduce her tension. If there were a life-threatening situation, a court could be brought for compulsory treatment; similarly, if she poses a threat to others - then there is a possibility of compulsory psychiatric hospitalization. A real solution is that your husband tells her that he is not allowed to move to you, reduces the number of visits to her to two a week, then brings her the necessary purchases - only those that she really cannot do herself. And he must stop releasing this tension by escaping into alcohol.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Bohdan BielskiPsychologist, specialist with 30 years of experience, trainer of psychosocial skills, expert psychologist of the District Court in Warsaw.
Main areas of activity:mediation services, family counseling, care for a person in a crisis situation, manager training.
First of all, it focuses on building good relationships based on understanding and respect. He undertook numerous crisis interventions and took care of people in a deep crisis.
He lectured in forensic psychology at the Faculty of Psychology of SWPS in Warsaw, at the University of Warsaw and the University of Zielona Góra.
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