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My fiancé proposed me to go out with his friends, but I have a huge blockade against this meeting. I really do not want to go there, I know that I am the ugliest and the thickest of all the girls who will be there, I have gained about 15 kg in the last 2 years. I'm afraid to meet old friends because I don't want them to see me. I don't want to be judged, and I see that when I accidentally meet someone I haven't seen for a long time, I feel that person's eyesight on me. I do not want to bring shame on my man, I would like my friends to envy his women, not sympathize. Thinking about it makes me cry, I'm powerless. The fiancé says it's just a meeting, that you can't make such a problem out of it, and I feel that I have a problem, that I need help. Why am I so ashamed? What am I afraid of? Can I deal with it somehow myself?
You are writing about a serious psychological problem, which is low self-esteem. However, your inquiry shows that this problem may have biological causes. It is not natural for a he althy person to gain weight of 15 kilograms in two years, who previously had the correct weight. So I would start by consulting with a GP who can order basic tests and referral to further specialists. So let us not deal with the shame you feel, but with the real causes that may cause it. Sometimes overeating causes psychological problems - increased mental tension, increased levels of anxiety - but we must start with a biological, or medical, diagnosis. Please do not hesitate, problems are rarely solved by themselves.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Bohdan BielskiPsychologist, specialist with 30 years of experience, trainer of psychosocial skills, expert psychologist of the District Court in Warsaw.
Main areas of activity:mediation services, family counseling, care for a person in a crisis situation, manager training.
First of all, it focuses on building good relationships based on understanding and respect. He undertook numerous crisis interventions and took care of people in a deep crisis.
He lectured in psychologycourt at the Faculty of Psychology of SWPS in Warsaw, at the University of Warsaw and the University of Zielona Góra.
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