Anxiety in a child is a problem with which a parent often finds it difficult to cope with - because he himself is concerned about what is happening to his child. But what to do in such situations - can anxiety in a child be overcome and how to deal with a frightened son or a frightened daughter? Check it on a specific example provided by the authors of the publication "Fear in a child".

Anxiety in children: how to deal with horror in young children?

Wondering how you can stop your child from feeling anxious at times when he suddenly shows great fear and refuses to do something? The simple answer is "You can't!" It is impossible to completely relieve the child of anxiety. We all feel it from time to time, and we all need to learn to live with it. Although it is really hard for parents to watch their own child grapple with fear, sometimes we have to accept that our son or our daughter will feel anxious. If your child really does look scared for any reason, it's important to spare them comfort, contact, and signs of security. Also, as we wrote earlier, it is very important that you keep your calm and cool judgment so as not to aggravate the problem. Finally, we will describe a structural way to help your child control his panic and take steps to calm him down.

Problem solving approach

There are two advantages to using this approach to managing childhood anxiety. First, it encourages problem solving together so that both the parent and the child influence the outcome. Secondly, it awakens and strengthens the child's independence in coping with his own anxiety, as he places some of the responsibility in the hands of the child.

The problem-solving approach consists of six steps:

1. Summarize what your child said.Make sure you fully understand the problem - that is, make sure you know what your child means. Don't try to argue; Rather, express empathy in a compassionate but calm way.

2. Identify what could be changed.Ask your child what they would change - the situation, their reaction, or both.

3. Brainstorm with your child and find all possible ways in which you canreduce his fears.Make sure you are not helping your child with this. Rather, help him come up with ideas about how he can self-alleviate his own fears and feel better. Of course, with younger children, you will have to think for them to a large extent, and with older children, you will have to leave them more independent. Praise the child for the ideas he comes up with. Even if they are not actually very useful, praise the effort. The mere fact that he has engaged with you in trying to constructively reduce his own anxiety is a very positive and important step. One option - encourage your child to summon their chosen detective hero and use their detective thinking.

4. Think together about each strategy idea your child comes up with - discuss each one in turn.For each idea, ask your child, "What will happen when you do this?" If the child doesn't know, gently suggest options (eg, you can say, "I wonder if ___ would happen if you did ___ to feel better. What do you think?"). Remember that your overriding goal is to encourage your child to find solutions in which he or she will face the situation rather than avoid it. Praise your son or daughter for trying to determine the outcomes for each strategy.

5. Ask your child to choose the strategy that has a chance of getting the best results.Remind him of the evidence from detective thinking. Perhaps it will be helpful for your son or daughter to give each strategy a score on a scale of 1 (not at all helpful) to 10 (very helpful), and based on this score, they will choose the most promising strategy.

6. Later, when your child has tried out the most promising strategy, evaluate its success.Discuss it with your child and consider together what was successful, what was difficult and what the child learned, what he could apply next time.

How to help your child fight anxiety? An example of a girl named Jess

Jess's parents Maggie and Dan are going to their wedding anniversary dinner. The girl is terribly worried that an accident may happen to them when they are away. Cries and clings to mom and dad, begging them not to go.

Step 1: Maggie and Dan sit down with their daughter to find out what the problem is.

Maggie:Jess, we can see you've been very upset by the idea of ​​our departure. Can you tell us what exactly is bothering you so much?

Jess:I don't know. I just don't want you to go.

Dan:Okay, we know you don't want us to go. But you have to tell us why. What are you afraid of, what do you think you arewill happen when we are gone?

Jess:You could have an accident and be injured.

Maggie summarizes what her daughter said and checks that she understood her correctly.

Maggie:So you don't want us to go because you think we might have an accident and we'll get hurt. Is it Jess? Does it bother you so much?

Jess:Yes.

Step 2: Maggie and Dan introduce their daughter to the choices.

Dan: Okay, Jess, mom and I are going out tonight. And it is really up to you how you approach it. You can continue as you do right now and feel very bad. Or you can try to do something to deal with the bad feelings that are bothering you. Mum and I would really like to help you deal with your bad feelings. Would you like to try it?

Jess:I want you to stay at home with me. If you stay, I won't have any bad feelings.

Maggie:Jess, did you hear what Dad said. We're not staying home with you tonight. You have to make a decision about what you will do in relation to how you are feeling now. Maybe we'll work on it this time and try to come up with a plan that will make you feel better?

Jess:Chyba…

Dan:Good choice.

Step 3: Maggie and Dan prompt their daughter to come up with some suggestions for dealing with her anxiety (that is, what she could do to make herself feel better). Jess gets praise for his efforts.

Maggie:Okay, Jess. We should think of as many options as possible that you can do to make you feel better. What could you do in your opinion?

Jess:What's going on? I don't understand.

Dan:Well, for example, you are concerned that we are leaving because you are telling yourself that if we leave, we may have an accident. Maybe you watch a movie instead to take your mind off your worries. Do you understand what's going on?

Jess:I could take my car keys and put them away. Then you couldn't go.

Maggie:Well, that's an idea. At this stage, we save them all, then we decide on one of them.

Jess:I could watch a movie to distract myself.

Dan:Great, Jess. What else could you do?

Jess:I could write the stuff that you and mom are good drivers, so I would remember about it later.

Maggie:You mean detective thinking - that's a brilliant idea, Jess. Reallyyou try very hard and come up with good ideas. What else could you do?

Step 4: Maggie and Dan advise their daughter to identify the possible consequences of each coping strategy she has come up with.

Dan:Good. Now, Jess, we have a few different ideas written down about what you could do to make you feel better about our going out. Let's look at them in turn and see what happens if you do each of these things. The first was the idea that you would hide your car keys. What do you think will happen if you do this?

Jess:Will you stay home?

Dan:You know Jess, I think if you did, the more likely we would have sent you to your room and called a taxi to take us to dinner.

Jess:Oh, I think so.

Dan:What about your idea of ​​watching the movie? What happens if you do this?

Jess:I'd be fine and not think about you and my mom.

Dan:What about the idea that Mom and I are good drivers? What do you think would happen if you did?

Jess:It would remind me that you probably won't have an accident, and maybe I would feel better.

Maggie:Okay, that's the end of our list. Good job Jess. You are really doing great at overcoming your bad feelings.

Step 5: Maggie and Dan tell their daughter to choose the best solution.

Dan:Okay, now we just need to pick one of these ideas. Let's look at the list and what is likely to happen if you choose this or that idea. What do you think will be best for you?

Jess:Well, that's easy. This will be my idea of ​​watching a movie. I can also write down something about the fact that you and mom are good drivers to remind me not to worry.

Maggie: I think it's a great choice. Dad and I are so proud that you can figure out how to deal with anxiety in a useful way.

Step 6: Assuming Jess handled her anxiety in a useful way and allowed her parents to leave without further difficulties, mom and dad will praise her efforts the next morning and evaluate the usefulness of the strategies used. They can also give their daughter a special award in recognition ofof her bravery, such as playing her favorite game with her.

Maggie:I'm so proud of how you handled yourself last night, Jess. Not only did you deal with your own anxiety, but you also did things onwe made an appointment and you didn't even call us all evening.

Jess:Oh, Sally [the babysitter] and I made some popcorn before the movie. The movie was a bit scary and we both hid under the pillows!

Maggie:Looks like you had a lot of fun. What did you learn from what we did?

Jess:That if there's something fun to do, worries don't bother you that much.

Maggie:What about detective thinking?

Jess:It helped me when I thought about you before falling asleep. I started to worry again, but I said to myself, "Daddy is a good driver and they only have ten minutes to drive."

Maggie:Very good approach. You even came across your own evidence yourself. Is there anything you will do differently next time?

Jess:Oh, I'll take some chocolate for the movie!

In the afternoon, Dan took his daughter for a bike ride to reward her efforts from the night before.

The completed problem-solving worksheet for this situation looks like this:

Step 1: What's the problem?Mom and Dad are leaving, and I don't want them to go.
Step 2: What can you change?I can change my reaction: they'll come out anyway, even though I don't want to.
Step 3: Brainstorming - looking for a solution to the problemStep 4: For each idea - what will happen if you do this?

Solution 1:

I'll take my car keys and put them away.

Solution 2:

I watch a movie to take my mind off my anxiety.

Solution 3:

I will write down the evidence for my fears.

Solution 4:

I can make a big row.

When I choose solution 1:

I'm in trouble and they'll take a taxi.

When I choose solution 2:

I'll be fine and not think too much.

When I choose solution 3:

I won't think about accidents and maybe I'll feel better.

When I choose solution 4:

I'll go to the corner and feel even worse.
Step 5:Which is the best idea? And which one is right after it?I will use 2 and 3 - first I will write down my detective thinking, then watch a movie.
Step 6:Rate how your idea worked - what will you do next time?My anxiety stopped when I started watching the movie, and as a rewarddad took me on a bicycle. My solutions worked fine.
Worth knowing

The text comes from the book "Anxiety in children. A guide with exercises" by Ronald M. Rapee, Ann Wignall, Susan H. Spence, Vanessa Cobham and Heidi Lyneham (Jagiellonian University Press). Each of the authors is an experienced psychologist.

The publication "Anxiety in children. A guide with exercises" is a ready program for independent use at home, containing examples, tips and practical applications for children and parents. It teaches parents how to react when a child is frightened, how to gradually accustom them to difficult situations, develop their child's social skills and teach them to independently recognize their unfounded fears.

Category:

Child's he alth