Almost 1/3 of us consider hitting a child to be an effective parenting method, and 60% see nothing wrong with spanking. These statistics show that we tolerate child abuse and, even worse, we often use it against our own children. Why is such thinking wrong and what effects can even an inconspicuous smack have on the child's psyche?

We are a society in whichbeating childrenis considered an acceptable, and sometimes even desirable, form of upbringing. Meanwhile, psychologists emphasize that beating only seemingly solves the problem - the child calms down after being spanked, but rebellion, incomprehension and a desire for revenge grows inside him. Sooner or later, negative emotions emerge and find their outlet in an increasing disobedience and tendency to aggression, or they become the cause of nervous disorders. Hitting is not an educational method, on the contrary - it shows the helplessness of parents who cannot reach their child in any other way than by arousing fear in him.

See the effects of child abuse and how to deal with disobedience in a controlled way.

Hitting a child leaves a mark on his psyche and destroys the bond with his parents

A hit by a mom or dad, one of the two closest people in the world, is a great shock for him and a situation difficult to understand. How can someone who loves inflict pain at the same time? The child does not have to let it show, but deep down it feels confused and "betrayed" by the people who love them. Even if the spanking was not more painful than hitting a friend from school, the child will remember the mere gesture of someone whom he trusted unlimitedly when he raised his hand to him. This memory will arouse anger and resentment in him each time, and it will have a negative impact on his attitude towards his parents.

Hitting a child teaches him that violence is problem-solving

A beaten child receives a signal that the stronger has the right to humiliate the weaker and that the weaker does not deserve sympathy.

What a child will be like in the future and how he will cope with problems is greatly influenced by the patterns passed on to him by his parents. By watching adults, the little person learns how to interact withothers and overcome crises. This translates into the roles he will play in the future: the role of a partner, parent, colleague, employee. Childhood beating teaches children that problem-solving can only be found by force, and that by intimidating someone you can force them to behave in certain ways. It is a pathological mechanism that strengthens a person's tendency to aggression. A beaten child will be a beating parent, partner, rowdy employee and colleague. In the event of a conflict, he will not seek agreement, but confrontation, because this is the model of overcoming the crisis he took from his parents. Therefore, the role of guardians is to show the child that when resolving disputes, one must show calmness, composure, empathy and wisdom, and not impulsiveness and aggression.

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Poles against children beating

In 2013, a report was published on the research carried out by TNS OBOP at the request of the Ombudsman for Children. It shows that 60% of respondents accept spanking, 38% accept the so-called "spanking", and almost 1/3 (29%) consider beating as an effective educational method. 35% of respondents do not believe that hitting children is against the law.

Source:Poles against beating children. Research report 2013 , http://brpd.gov.pl/sites/default/files/polacy_wobec_bicia_dzieci_2013.pdf

Beating is inflicting physical pain and bodily harm on your child

Parents often think that a slight slap or nudge is not painful. But the adult man relates the force of the blow to his pain threshold and is unaware that even a slight nudge can leave a visible mark on the child's body. In addition, each blow to the spine of such a small organism causes dangerous shocks that can disrupt the child's physical development. There are even theories that the frequent pain in the lumbar spine in adults may originate from childhood beating injuries.

Hitting a child can trigger anxiety and neurosis

Psychological trauma related to beating does not have to manifest itself only in the form of an increased tendency to aggression - if a child has an introverted personality, is secretive, reticent, he can suppress the effects of violence from his parents for a long time. But at some point, fear and a sense of danger will take over, turning into neurosis and anxiety disorders.

This is caused by the constant fear mechanism of making a mistake, which can make the child angry with the caregiver. Symptoms of neurosis in children include bedwetting at night, nightmares, breaking up screaming at night, some movement habits, e.g. nail biting, finger sucking, hair pulling, in addition tostuttering, muscle tics, lack of appetite. They all testify to a deeply hidden psychological trauma which, when it cannot be expressed, manifests itself through the body's reflexes.

Hitting a child doesn't teach him to obey

It's a myth that beating educates. The desired behavior in a child can only be developed by being a role model for him and explaining what is good and what is bad. Punishing with violence, i.e. evil for evil, only teaches that the stronger has an advantage, regardless of his reason. Instead of using their physical strength, parents should strengthen their authority in the eyes of the child by setting clear boundaries - thanks to this, he will obey not out of fear, but out of respect.

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How to react when a child is disobedient?

When a child begins to react hysterically to a parent's refusal or prohibition, it is usually the result of parental mistakes. Most often it consists in the toddler's inability to put clear boundaries. Too much indulgence, as well as strictness, does not help to develop the right behavior in a child. Therefore, a sudden ban may be something incomprehensible to him and cause a rebellion, and such a situation tempts the parent in turn to solve the situation by force.

What to do when, for example, a child, after refusing to buy him a toy, starts screaming, stomping and hysterical in front of people? First of all, you cannot succumb to it - this applies to both hitting and admitting the child is right, because both behaviors are a manifestation of helplessness. You should remain calm, hold the child firmly and clearly start explaining to him that we will not comply with his request. We keep doing this until the little one calms down and begins to listen to us, even if he initially distracts and attracts other people's attention. If that doesn't work, we show our indifference and just leave the baby to scream. Then it receives a signal that we are firm and not succumb to the pressure of the situation.

Once the child has calmed down, we explain to him in a sympathetic tone why we cannot comply with his request. This is very important because if we do not justify our behavior, the child may feel rejected.

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