How to live in a relationship with choleric? Well, you won't change the character of an angry person, but you can develop methods to deal with their anger. We present 7 steps of dealing with a choleric in a relationship.

Choleryk - how to live with him? Ask for help, don't be shy

Choleryk - how to live with him?People who experience anger in a relationship tend to feel ashamed of it and hide the problem from family and friends. They isolate themselves and condemn them to loneliness. Perhaps it is the same with you. That's why you need to know that you won't be able to do it withoutsupportof others. Look around, sit down with a piece of paper and list people you can count on. Try to create your own support group - even if it is only one person. It's important to start talking to someone. Sometimes it is enough just to hear: "We can make it through this, it will be fine."

When you turn to others, you can expect emotional support, wise advice, or concrete, material help. Therefore, it is important to maintain good (reciprocal) relationships with others. And if you don't have someone to turn to, seek professional help.

Choleric relationship: get rid of false beliefs

A problem for people caught up in an angry relationship is cultivating myths about love and anger. The most widespread belief is that "love will conquer anger." The truth is, no matter how you try, you won't fight his anger with your dedication. Your love isn't strong enough for that! Another myth is that "anger passes and love lasts forever." Mistake! The tendency to anger sometimes mellows with age, but it is certainly not a passing feeling. Another stereotype is, "If he really loves me, he will change." Not true! When anger wins, love has no chance. There are many similar myths and unfortunately they are difficult to fight because our views are formed very early.

How to live with choleric? By uprooting false beliefs and telling yourself STOP! Whenever you find yourself repeating the stereotypes mentioned above. Consciously challenge false beliefs and replace them with others, for example in place of "anger passes and love lasts forever" you tell yourself: "anger can destroy love". Remember that the way you think is your personal choice and you can change it at any time.

Relationship with choleric: set yoursborders

In relation to an angry man, we usually focus on his actions and needs, forgetting about ourselves. A "good" wife tries to fit in with her angry husband, who will never be happy with her anyway. Instead, try to identify where your tolerance limit lies. Ask yourself how long you want to be a victim. By setting limits, you will create an invisible protective barrier. Victims of anger, like co-addicts, tend to forget about their own needs, to be in constant control of the other person, and to give up on themselves.

To change that, you have to learn to be a bit selfish about a choleric. Try to develop your interests, meet people (not in your angry partner's circle). Start each day by devoting a certain amount of time to yourself (you can go to the pool, sit with a book over a coffee or do anything else you enjoy).

If possible, distance yourself from the person who explodes (avoid being close at such moments). Look for simple ways to help you stay he althy and feel good. In no case do not resort to self-destruction (drinking alcohol, overusing drugs)! One more thing - never deliberately irritate a person who is angry. And when anger turns into domestic violence, run to safety and seek help immediately.

Relationship with choleric: don't help him get angry

How to live with choleric?Don't act in ways that increase your anger.Stop being nice, don't apologize - it's not your fault that he gets angry. If you constantly apologize, you are letting yourself know that you feel responsible for his anger. Do not be silent, do not pretend that nothing happened and do not underestimate the effects of his anger - let him answer for it.

Stop listening to him.When anger bursts out, it escalates - the angry person speaks faster and louder. The longer you listen, the more agitated she becomes. The best way is to walk away or hang up as soon as you hear an angry tone.

Treat a furious person close to you as a stranger- do not justify him and do not protect him from the consequences. When we are mistreated, the worst tactic is not to mention it. The best - making the other person aware that he is hurting us.

In relation to choleric do not respond with anger to anger

It's only natural that we want to respond to anger in the same way. However, for people who are nervous, this is not good. It is calm, constructive to express your dissatisfactionmuch he althier, safer and gives better results. What can you do when another person's outburst makes you angry? Instead of responding with anger, talk.

  • A good way to relieve tension is humor. A joking saying can not only help you, but also calm the emotions of the interlocutor.
  • Also try exercise. When you feel you are about to explode, go for a walk or a run.

Resist stress

A relationship with a choleric is like sitting on an active volcano. Therefore, you should learn to reduce your stress level in advance. You can do this by repeating positive, reassuring statements to yourself (e.g., "He can't control himself, but I can").

It is also important to develop an automatic relaxation response. It is enough to sit comfortably and calmly, breathe naturally through your nose, mentally repeating one word, for example "one", as you exhale. The most important thing is to train yourself in this way of relaxing every day.

Practice coping with the anger of the other person in your imagination by imagining the specific situation and your behavior.

Choleric? How to live with him - sometimes there is no other option than to run away

The proposed methods do not always work. If the anger of the person you are related to is pathological and threatens your safety, it is better to consider breaking up, even if it has many problems.

Important

How to deal with your own anger?

Anger in connection with a choleric usually a feedback. When someone is angry with us, we also react impulsively. How can negative emotions be controlled? The antidote to anger is relaxation. To really relax, you need to relax your muscles and quiet your thoughts. When we get angry, we tense all our muscles. The level of norepinephrine in the blood rises and you feel you must do something immediately to release the tension. To control anger, you need to be able to influence these physiological processes. The relaxed muscles send the message to the brain that the danger is over, and we stop getting angry.

To learn this, use conscious breathing techniques (its effectiveness is confirmed by research). Meditation exercises, such as yoga or tai-chi, are also helpful in silencing your thoughts. Relaxation techniques should be used before your anger gets out of control.

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Psychology