Do I have to say goodbye to my work colleague who is retiring? The matter is so important to me that we have worked together for 25 years. These years, however, have been rather getting out of the way, nodding etc. All in order to avoid malicious comments. Therefore, I have internal resistance, but on the other hand some people say that I should be above that, I have to be classy… And that's the point. Do we always have to be "above"? For 25 years I tried to be "above" and to be classy. But maybe if I don't go, I'll feel bad too. It is bad either way. I must be petty, I think about it all the time, it probably is. It tires me. More and more often I am tired of such thoughts that we have to do something, because it is expected of us. River theme …
In fact, the expectations of the environment are quite a topic, but nevertheless it is worth taking a closer look at the situation you describe. Before deciding whether to show up for my friend's farewell, I would advise myself to answer a few questions: If there were no consequences, would I go to this meeting? Are these consequences of failure important to me? If so, how many on a scale from 1 to 10?
Situations requiring crossing your own borders in the name of conventions will probably meet you more than once, but it is worth remembering that you have the right to take care of your comfort and boundaries, especially when this decision does not involve harm to anyone. It is worth considering whether your presence at the meeting will be important for the friend you are saying goodbye to. Since for so many years you have not built a thread of sympathy, on the contrary - the mentioned person has used malice many times, then maybe there is no need to bend over. Regardless of what decision you make, it is worth using this situation as a reflection for the future. Reflecting on in what relationships and under what circumstances you are ready to do something against yourself. If you think that situations of this type occur too often, I would suggest trying to work on assertiveness.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Patrycja Szeląg-JaroszPsychologist, coach, personal development trainer. She gained professional experience working in the field of psychological support and interventionscrisis, professional activation and coaching.He specializes in the area of life coaching, supporting the client in improving the quality of life, strengthening self-esteem and active self-esteem, maintaining life balance and effectively dealing with the challenges of everyday life. She has been associated with non-governmental organizations in Warsaw since 2007, co-runs the Center for Personal Development and Psychological Services of the Compass
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