Nature has made man jealous. It is to guard the partner's fidelity and protect the durability of the relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes this "fuse" breaks down and then jealousy, instead of protecting, destroys human relationships.

Jealousy for affection, jealousy for love

For thousands of years, evolution has shaped the human psyche. Men who were jealous of their partners limited their contacts with rivals. Thanks to this, they gained an advantage - they raised their children, and not the fruits of a woman's betrayal. This means that thegenesjealous men had a better chance of surviving than those without jealousy.

Today's men are descendants of jealousy. Similarly, evolution could "instill"jealousyinto the psyche of women. Women, however, should be jealous not so much of sexual intercourse as that their partner becomes emotionally involved in arelationshipwith another woman. Falling in love means that the man will leave, he will care less for his children, and this reduces their chances of passing the genes on. In other words, women who were jealous primarily of their emotions won.

All these predictions are confirmed by research. Men are most jealous of sexual infidelity, while women respond most strongly to emotional betrayal.

Is it possible to get rid of jealousy? Since experiencing jealousy is in our genes, it means we have to feel it sometimes. The more valuable a relationship with a partner is to us, the greater the threat to that relationship, the more jealous we will be. What's more - if in such circumstances we do not feel jealous, it may mean that there is something wrong with our psyche! It's as if someone doesn't feel pain even though they are hurt.

And yet most jealousies say that jealousy doesn't help them at all, on the contrary, it's a hellish feeling that leaves havoc, takes peace, causes suffering and ultimately destroys the relationship.

He althy Jealousy

Appears in reaction to a real threat (the partner gives signals that he wants to leave).

  • Motivates to take care of the condition of the relationship (e.g. constructive conflict resolution, ensuring love, trying to satisfy the partner).
  • It goes hand in hand with the belief "I want with her / himlive ".
  • It manifests itself in the desire that the partner would like (and not have to) be with us.
  • Motivates you to increase your attractiveness - improve your appearance, eliminate defects, become your "perfect partner".
  • Motivates behavior aimed at increasing partner's satisfaction

Sick Jealousy

  • Appears without any particular threat of losing your partner.
  • It manifests itself in striving to limit the autonomy and independence of the other person (e.g. a man wants his partner not to work, because then she will not have contacts with other men).
  • It goes hand in hand with the belief "I cannot live without her / him", manifests itself in striving to reduce the attractiveness of the partner or his sense of self-confidence (e.g. a man forbids his wife to dress well, threatens, emphasizes her flaws, ridicules her - "Nobody wants you").
  • Its manifestation is the tendency to conspire, follow and fully control the partner's actions.
  • Motivates the partner to become dependent on himself (e.g. financially).
  • It is revealed by the tendency to manipulate the partner's feelings, e.g. to intimidate him, threats, cause guilt etc. How to heal from jealousy?

How to heal out of jealousy?

  • If you see your jealousy taking on a morbid proportions or pushing you into bad behavior, there is something to be done. Understand the reason for your jealousy - low self-esteem, your own tendency to betrayal or the demons of the past?

  • Focus on your strengths, achievements, learn to like yourself. Admit your faults as well and learn to tolerate them. Adequate self-esteem is better than overestimated or underestimated self-esteem.

  • Develop your skills, passions, do what makes you feel proud.

  • Know your partner well. Do not blindly assign different characteristics to him, find out what he really is - learn about his past, dreams, desires. The more you know about him, the less you will succumb to irrational suspicions.

  • Build a friendship with your partner. This is the basis of trust. Confide in yourself, tell him what is said only to very close and discreet people.

  • Treat your jealousy as a human feeling that can become the basis of caring for your partner. Talk about your jealousy, but don't blame the other party for feeling it.

  • Make peace with some degree of uncertainty. It is better for your love to over-trust than over-suspicion.

  • If your partner has cheated on you, remember that it doesn't have to be a cataclysm. Some couples have survived in love despite betrayal. Almosthalf of men (46%) who cheat on their partners love them at the same time and treat cheating as "empty sex". You can live happily after a betrayal.

  • Don't worry about what will happen if he cheats on you. Fear doesn't work and serves no purpose. If you feel that your jealousy is out of control, contact your therapist.

monthly "Zdrowie"

Category:

Psychology