How to maintain good relations in a family when it consists of current and former partners, our children, partners' children and grandparents from both sides? In such moments, forbearance and peace are the basis for experiencing the holidays smoothly.
How to maintaingood family relations ? Here are a few simple rules that will help you survive not only the holidays, but also everyfamily meetingin harmony and peace.
Good relations: children first
In this complicated situation, they are and will be the most important. They need both fathers and mothers who need to rebuild their shaky sense of security. Life with your ex-partner will now be a compromise on many things, such as "sharing" your children on holidays.
Good relations: take advantage of opportunities
Family meetings are an opportunity for your children to meet people who used to be part of their lives. Whenever possible, take them with you. Thanks to this, also grandmother and grandfather, as well as relatives will be able to talk to the little ones, enjoy them.
Good relations: do not compete
The gift war will make it harder for your child. It is worth discussing the issue of gifts or other surprises in advance, before Christmas, birthdays, etc.
Don't favor your kids. They have to be distributed fairly. Both with gifts, as well as with time and feelings. Not equally, but just as each of them needs. This will keep them from competing for your favor. When organizing the party yourself and inviting your partner's children, find out what they like, what they are allowed to do. If these are teenagers who are not served wine at home, then respect this rule.
Good relations: do not criticize your ex-partner
It's true that meeting your family can be an occasion to cry to your sisters, what a bastard ex-husband is, because he won't take your son to the mountains on vacation, as he promised. Either sharing with them the satisfaction that "he is unsuccessful, he lost his job" or "they have been trying for a long time". For children, there will always be only one father, so don't slander him when the kids are around. You may not be able to say anything positive about your ex-husband yet, but try to be neutral and you can always throw out what you think in the presence of a friend, sister orwe have.
Good relations: respect the stepchildren's mother
When your partner's children show up at your home, do not comment: "How did that mother of yours dress you in this frost!" If you really think your children may be cold, give them something warm without further ado. Show your stepchildren that you pay attention to the rules they have on a daily basis. "Your mother asked you to go to bed at ten o'clock" - this will show the children that you are not rivals. However, she will receive information that you care for her children and respect her decisions. Thanks to this, she will entrust them to you without fear.
Good relations: protect against lack of tact
If there are people among your loved ones who like to know everything about everyone, make sure that they do not do so at the expense of the little ones. Be vigilant when the aunt tries to force the child to compare which of the parents is better for him or the new mother is screaming. Stop such conversations politely and firmly.
Good relationships: react when rebellion occurs
"I want you two to be together again!" - you will hear more than once. Especially in the moments that are extremely important to the child, when mom and dad once accompanied him together. The child most often reacts with aggression when it is unable to cope with a difficult situation. So try patiently explaining that it will be different now, but that doesn't mean it will be worse.
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