Do you complain about excess responsibilities, but often think that without your efforts, the cosmos would collapse like a house of cards built in a draft? How does Atlas feel its weight? If you learn that you are not responsible for the whole world, it will be easier for you to love others and yourself. We advise you what to do when the sense of responsibility does not allow you to live normally.

Excess responsibility: Katarzyna, age thirty-nine

- I still feel responsible for something. I can't talk to people normally, because it seems to me that I have to do something for them and for them. - Kasia admits that even in a restaurant she will not sit still. Instinctively, she gets up to help the waitress. When someone gets hurt in the series, her heart pounds and she nervously changes the channel. It is very difficult for the atlas to relax, even for a moment. She recommended Krynica to her parents - "Go, this is a wonderful place!". And it was raining there - she called them immediately with an apology. Every morning Kasia wakes up with the feeling that she "has to". On the list of tasks for today, there is only one column: "must be done !!!". But in this incessant rush, a woman often feels lost or even threatened. She thinks that she will not be able to cope with all her obligations. samosia, but can't change her behavior.

- Every mistake can have some terrible consequences. It's a bit like the world waiting to be created from scratch. But my feeling is that I was given not seven days, but three biblical days. From this treadmillresponsibilitiesAtlas is not even torn by illness. Kasia feels that she has no right to screw up: - I have a brain to anticipate all the circumstances and properly protect myself against them! - says. And he really believes it. It is getting harder and harder for her to keep common sense and distance herself from herself. It is difficult for people like Kasia to enjoy the company of close people because they still feelresponsibilityfor their well-being. It is as if someone is still tense, ready to jump. Almost no respite, relaxation. Each issue, each event becomes the source of the problem.

Excess responsibility: Teresa, pensioner 60 +

Can't enjoy a gift from a friend. “She bought me a terribly expensive Lexicon of Painting. My dream. And instead of jumping to the ceiling,I just wondered how much she must have been struggling to find this book. That she had spent so much money for what she would buy textbooks for? "And one more thought rattled in her head: I must remember how much the gift was, so that I would not buy a cheaper one. Teresa is afraid that she might offend her friend if she got her from her For as long as she remembers, she always helps everyone, so she works out somehow. Someone talks about their problems and she immediately has an idea how to solve them. She remembers about the whole bunch of people who can help, remedy, support. volcano. If you see yourself in Kasia, Teresa, maybe it's time to change something? Why shouldn't you try?

Reasons for excessive sense of responsibility

A few years ago, a little girl heard from her parents that a porcelain vase had fallen to the floor because of her. She was to blame for the little brother hitting his handle and the cat eating the laces from dad's shoes. Day after day, the baby's parents made her understand that everything that was happening was related to her. They were very demanding. They believed that a polite child volunteered for everything. There should be inquiries as to whether something needs to be done. She has to know that Daddy is in a bad mood and needs to make him tea. The girl tried to control the world so as not to give the adults an excuse to be angry. But it turned out that whatever he did, it would still be wrong. From morning to night, her relatives fuked at her: "Why are you sitting idly!", They criticized and chased her from place to place.

Another little boy had parents who never grew up. They drank, they were alcoholics requiring constant attention and care. Their kids became overly responsible. They didn't have time to be children because they had to think about others all the time. It's too heavy a burden for a toddler to bring his drunk father from the bar.

A difficult parent is also a mother who never matured. She became a clumsy and indolent girl forever. That's why she was so happy when her baby girl was born. At last she will have a kindred soul! Because which four-year-old child will endure stories of his mother's erotic life? And such stories also happen. You can be older, say ten or fifteen, and save your mother from a suicide attempt. For a long time, the child will remain in the habit of caring for his mother and protecting her from the evil world. All this makes so many people take responsibility for the whole world. And that inevitably ends in failure. It will notto have nothing but success. It is impossible, even for a perfectionist. Each mishap makes them try and stress even harder. They feel more and more guilty. And so near Maciej.

Important

What a cool… flaws

  • Laziness (makes you rest at least once a day).
  • Egoism (allows you to say no when someone wants to take advantage of you).
  • Strawberry enthusiasm (you abandon projects not worthwhile).
  • Running away from problems (well, some just have to be left behind).
  • Lack of seriousness (there are so many funny things - your problems for example).
  • Drowsiness (someone will do it for you before you start working).

Excessive responsibility hampers relationships with others

The worst thing is forging close relationships with people. It is difficult to make friends and make love if you feel that you and only you are responsible for the relationship. A friend invites you for coffee, you try to entertain her with stories about the school, instead of saying you had a terrible day and you don't feel like talking. And when you go on a date, a red lamp lights up in your soul from the very first moment. Instead of enjoying how lovely and fragrant your handsome guy is, you think about his well-being. If the smallest detail suggests something is wrong, you try to change it because it's definitely your fault. You are constantly analyzing small gestures. If someone you love looks worried, you feel scared: "What have I done again?" You fall into a trap because you tiptoe around your guy so as not to upset him. You never refuse, even at night you can be called for help. Telephones start ringing after 10 p.m. - says Joanna, the owner of a small advertising agency. It is a friend who calls her to the hospital with a bathrobe, the mother tells her adult daughter how she spent the day. And it happens that a neighbor from the end of the estate comes to borrow PLN 100. I already find myself feeling guilty because he doesn't have a job, he can get him. "Joanna says it with a smile. But it's much easier to laugh at yourself than to change your habits. It didn't break down at all.

Give up responsibility for the whole world

Maybe the boy is just fed up with traffic jams, crowds and this city? And that's why he doesn't want to talk? Maybe a friend would like to be needed, give her a chance! Ask for help when you are down. With so many responsibilities, you need a "shelter" where you can do nothing for ten minutes. If you shift your excess responsibility into your relationships, you don't have a place to relax. It's a pity. It's worth learning to be.close with people. Then man has the strength to fight the world. It's easier to enjoy love or friendship when you don't sneak around problems and tricks. If you learn to think that not everything is your fault, that you are not responsible for the whole world, it will be easier for you to love others and yourself. Over time, you'll only start to see problems that really matter. The rest will be just joy, love and friendship. It's worth a try.

You must do it

Drug addiction treatment, or how to end it

  • You are not responsible for someone else's life. Once you give someone in need a fishing rod and show them how to fish, you don't need to look after them anymore. You don't need to arrange dates, advise in the middle of the night, be at every call of every "lost sheep". Helping everyone has their limits: after all, you do as much as you can.
  • Find solutions and… forget about them. Come up with 30 ways your crazy brother could get out of trouble on his own. Don't help any more in this matter. The point is for you to know that there are also solutions to problems other than your intervention.
  • I will tell you a secret - you are not irreplaceable. Time to acknowledge that you are not at the center of the galaxy. If you don't organize a kinder ball for your friends' kids, their parents and kindergarten teachers will be successful.
  • You can also learn to… blame others. It's not true that it's ugly. Good girls meekly pick up the blows? Nonsense. Why should you get an impression for others?
  • Go crazy. Do something without thinking. If you don't like it, you won't repeat it anymore, but maybe it's worth seeing what it feels like? For example, go to the store and buy the first thing that catches your eye. Don't wonder if that's what you need. Please buy it if you mind.
  • Finally, empty your shelf of most guides. Especially those who say that you are responsible for all events yourself. For example: if a meteorite falls on your head, it must be because you thought badly about your kindergarten mistress.
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Psychology