The name "scolds" is usually assigned by men to women. But some ladies have to constantly put up with their partners "flies in the nose". Regardless of the causes of male complaints, a relationship with an eternal malcontent can be difficult and requires a lot of strength and determination from a woman.

Bad weather, tiring work, your outfit or makeup - there can be many reasons forcomplainingof your partner. But one thing is for sure: a grouchy man can poison your life. Gradually. For years.

And while the eternalmalcontentseems to be better than a dictator, a cold bastard or a jealous person, it is also atoxic partner . And it is not easy to live with such a man. Everything revolves around his grimaces, he brings little to the relationship, but takes a lot from it, pushing your needs away.

Male malcontent and female malcontent

Male nagging is different from female complaining. Women often have numerous complaints towards their partners that, for example, they do not leave their lapels, do not do their homework with their children or are late. If you look closely at it, it turns out that they are often right about these statements. But perhaps because they express them inappropriately, men comment on them as "grumbling" and refuse to listen to them.

The male whim is different. It is more like "shaking your nose". For example: "Dinner is too cold", "Movie is boring", "It's too hot", "Pork chops again?" As it turns out, women ask for what they cannot get, while men complain about what they have.

Important

Paradox technique

Hanna Lemańska in the book "How, being a woman of any age, spoil the life of yourself and others?" advises grumpers: "Complain for half an hour nonstop about whatever comes to your mind." Your partner may also try this method. After 15 minutes, he will probably be amused by the absurdity of the situation. The paradox technique is used by many outstanding therapists, incl. Michael Yapko, who uses it to treat depression - e.g. he sets a plan with the patient when he is to be sad.

Toxic relationship with a malcontent

The causes of male grumbling may be different. Perhaps your partner was raised by parents who did whatever he wanted - he just made a sulky face and he had what he wanted. Under the attitude of constant dissatisfaction, there may also be a message: take an interest in me, notice my needs. But there are also men who express the belief that fate has hurt them and nothing will change that.

In each ofIt is not easy for a woman in these cases. For "princes" who were used to the fact that the world revolves around their person, it is difficult to accept the fact that perhaps they are not the most important. On the other hand, those who try to draw attention to themselves in a twisted way and those who are "wronged by fate" do not think of any other method of expressing their feelings than the constant sulking. It drives the woman crazy, but getting into conflict with such a man is risky. On the other hand, constantly succumbing to his whims can lead to a breakup, because sooner or later the partner will find that she is unable or unwilling to meet his expectations.

However, this step depends on how much strength and determination the woman has to survive in such a relationship. Sometimes a partner turns a blind eye to a man's pout, because a relationship with him gives her some benefits, e.g. financial. In other cases, personality predispositions play an important role. Some ladies have a tendency to enter into relationships with difficult partners, and indulging them is a confirmation of their value.

You must do it

Break the closed circle

  • In the moments of his pout, do not be provoked and do not add oil to the fire. Calmly ask him, "How do you see it?" "What do you want to do with it?" He will have to suggest something constructive .
  • Make boundaries. You don't have to agree to everything he proposes or follow his whims. Keep telling him what you can and can't do for him .
  • Don't give up on your needs for fear of your partner. Give yourself the right to go for a coffee with a friend, to the swimming pool or to the cinema. Easy to tell him about it .
  • Show your goodwill. For example, when you arrange a vacation and your partner insists that you go to the mountains again, say: "You know I don't like the mountains, but we spent our last vacation there, so maybe the next vacation let's go to the mountains for a week and to the mountains for a week. the sea or let's go to Croatia. " This way you will avoid a fight and show that you want to rest together.

Relationship with the malcontent

As long as the malcontent has a nest, he is constantly given reasons to complain. Each positive reaction of a woman to the grimaces of her partner makes the man achieve his intended goal. Sometimes there is a breakthrough in a woman's thinking, e.g. due to a meeting with a long-lost friend who makes her realize that other women live differently. Then she begins to realize that she does not have to meet all the expectations of her partner, she can refuse, fight for herself.

The moment a woman begins to see her role inrelationship, his needs and states that, for example, he does not want to (unsuccessfully) try to please his partner culinaryally and instead of cooking dinner, he prefers to go to the cinema with his friend, then the current arrangement may waver.

If a man notices that his partner is not responding so readily to all his needs, or, for example, starts going to aerobics and is consistent in doing so, he may revise his posture and let go. But it also happens that the partner increases the claims and even makes threats. Then, after the "puff of fresh air", the woman "runs aground" again because she is afraid.

The consequence of the "revolutionary change" may also be a breakup, as the partner may not agree to a different treatment than to which he was used to. But also a woman who has spent years accumulating frustration and subservient to her man's moods may say that she no longer wants to live in a claustrophobic relationship in which she is suffocated.

Don't do that

Woman - victim of a malcontent

Relationships with difficult partners are often made by women with the victim syndrome. They tend to have low self-esteem and feel that they don't deserve anything special. They can have a tremendous fear of loneliness - preferring to be victims of a bad relationship than lonely people. They adhere to the principle that love requires sacrifice on their part. They feel that they have no influence on anything, but they are not claiming theirs. This attitude may result from upbringing: "You can only be loved for what you do for the other person." Paradoxically, the relationship with a difficult partner, who puts numerous demands on a woman, justifies her to function in this group. This system can function quite efficiently for a long time, although the partner incurs considerable emotional costs.

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