By saying the sacramental "yes", you agree not only to live together with your beloved man. After all, he has parents, siblings, cousins. Getting into this new family is not that easy. How to establish a good relationship with your in-laws?
Jokes about mother-in-law contain a lot of truth: it is often difficult to develop friendly relations with them. Nothing unusual. You are taking their son away from them, or at least that's whatin-laws , especially in-laws, fear. Hence their reserve, unfriendly attitude and tendency to criticize. But withhusband's familyyou can get on really well and even make friends. You just have to show them that by giving their beloved son into your hands, they do not lose him, but gain a daughter.
It is worth getting to know your loved one's family before the wedding
Before getting married, try to get to know your husband's family as best as possible. This will give you a taste of what lies ahead. Even if they turn out to be fatal, it will hurt less knowing it sooner. It will also give you time to develop a strategy for dealing with each other or avoiding conflicts. - Before I married Patrick, I knew that his sister cannot have children, although she wants to - says Ewelina. - That's why when I got pregnant, and my sister-in-law suddenly became abrasive towards me, I had to be more understanding. I knew she was suffering herself. If you live in the same cities, it is worth visiting your parents with your fiancé from time to time. His mother doesn't invite you? There is also a way - cook dinner and invite future in-laws. They will invite their son with you to the next Sunday meeting, if they have a bit of tact. You can buy your mother-in-law thanks to a little care. When he looks bad, ask if he is doing well. Granted, you're going to hear the story of her renal colic, but she'll only feel better about the fact that someone has cared for her. Also show that you care about good relations with your loved ones' siblings, especially if they are close to them. Are you having a party? Be sure to invite his brother with his girlfriend. But go on a weekend together only after you get to know each other better. But remember: do not take away from your husband's family the intimacy of being one with one another until you are one of them. He likes to meet his mother and chat with her alone? Let him visit him from time to time without you. You will avoid the feeling that you are "pushing" yourself in. Also, don't try to change anything in his family.For example, if you are driven mad by the way your father-in-law treats his wife, do not comment on it, not even when talking to your loved one. It's their business. If you live in different cities, it is worth visiting from time to time or inviting future parents-in-law to your place. In the meantime, carefully listen to all of your fiance's stories about his life and family. At the beginning of your relationship, he will be happy to tell you about it, and you will draw conclusions.
Try to get your in-laws' sympathy
Your husband's parents will like you the most for improving their relationship with their son; they will be closer than before getting to know you. You will be recognized as the best daughter-in-law in the world if you make their son meet them more often, call them, make them interested in their lives. Then it doesn't matter how many faculties you have, how rich the dowry is and how well you can cook. If he will have better contact with his parents thanks to you - you won! Taking care of his good relationship with his parents is your first step. You will find that wise. Also remember that a little self-advertising hasn't hurt anyone yet. - During the joint shopping with my future mother-in-law, I mentioned that Jarek stopped hanging out in a pub with friends since we lived together - says Edyta. - Since then, his mother's attitude towards me has warmed considerably. And to think that I didn't mean anything special. Oh, I mentioned something that makes me happy. If, in addition, you separate him from his addictions - thanks to you he will quit smoking or stop meeting bad friends (you know, the mother always considers her son an ideal, and bad company is to blame for everything …) - you will become the favorite of the family. The future father-in-law will like you if you are… attractive. That's true! After all, the father-in-law is also a man. And for a man, one of the most important things is that by his son's side there is an alluring woman who will be his adornment. But an ornament attentive to the needs of your partner. One that will not allow him to have a torn off button or a dirty shirt collar.
Try to keep a he althy distance
Make friends, but keep a he althy distance. What does it mean? Intimacy is supposed to connect you with their son, not with them. Letting your husband's family get too close can take revenge on you. Are you inviting your in-laws to dinner and your mother-in-law wants to help you with the preparations? Ask her to bring a salad with her, but rather don't invite her to your kitchen, don't let it stir in the pots. The kitchen is a place where more than one woman can be a problem. Meet for a while, sometimes with you, sometimes with them, but don't let your mother-in-law dictate what and how to do it. Be careful, mother-in-law tend to do so! A good example also works best in sciencenot to cross the borders. - We never visit my husband's parents without an invitation and an announcement - says Marta. - The in-laws noticed this and on their own initiative they repay the same. After all, in-laws also try to observe you and respect your habits.
Living under the same roof with my parents-in-law
An apartment under one roof should be considered only in two cases: when it is a temporary solution (e.g. to complete the renovation of your own apartment) or when the apartment of your in-laws is large, in addition, only one of the parents lives, and you need to surround them anyway care. In the latter case, living together is an idea for the rest of your life: your mother-in-law will help you with the children; you will take care of her when she is sick, etc. Anyway, this obligation rests with your husband anyway, if he is the only child (if not, it is worth talking to the rest of the siblings and determining who will take care of the parent). But no matter how long you plan to live together, pay close attention to the customs in your new home. You can separate yourself from them a little, but don't drag your husband with you. - Mother-in-law likes to clean up on Saturdays. I prefer Fridays to have weekends off - says Mariola. - I let my husband help my mother on Saturdays, but when it's my turn, I do my job on Friday. And everyone is satisfied. When doing something different than the usual practice, ask in advance if it will not interfere with anything. You should follow the so-called big rules, e.g. respect that his family is Catholic and think that no major work should be planned on Sunday. But you can treat smaller rules as negotiable. You don't have to submit to everything just because you've moved into your new home. Just because you changed your name doesn't mean you should like the bean soup or go to bed before 11pm. Establish the rules of coexistence at the very beginning. It is easier to create new habits than to change them later! One more piece of good advice: don't compete with your mother-in-law on her own turf. Rather, try to take on the role of a daughter: ask for advice, help and guidance. If you only live with your in-laws for a while, or if there's a little discrepancy, come on and step back.
Make your husband's family like you
Offer various things that are attractive to you and your in-laws, as an opportunity to experience something nice together. Choose situations in which they will feel at ease. Not everyone dreams of going to the theater or to a concert. But it can be a dinner at your place combined with, for example, a game of scrabble … Common experiences make people develop a sympathy, an emotional bond. But don't overdo the frequency of these meetings - lest they happentiring both for them and for you. There are jealous mother-in-law and grumpy in-laws. But yours can be great. Also remember that you have an influence on your relationship! Be good It's not that hard. Especially if you know what they expect from you. A good-in-law is one that makes their son better, more comfortable and … cleaner in the world. For both parents-in-law, the fact that their son is well-groomed is a testament to your love. And you will be scored for an unshaven face, wrinkled pants or son's dirty fingernails. Explaining that he is an adult and can take care of himself will not help. From their point of view, this is what a woman wants him for.