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A wedding is a test of organizational skills and the art of negotiation. Although both young people and their parents want it to have an appropriate setting, their expectations can vary greatly. Our tips will help you solve many wedding problems.
Preparing the wedding ceremony andweddingis a huge psychological burden for both the bride and groom and their parents - there are so many things to do, so many decisions to be made. It often happens that young people and their parents have different visions of this solemn day and everyone would like to organize it in their own way. Sometimes the lines of division run between the two families, e.g. one is expecting a civil ceremony, for the other only the oath in front of the altar counts. And one more source ofstress :wedding , even without a fancy wedding, only with a modest dinner for the family, is associated with considerable expenses, which additionally can be very complicate the whole enterprise.
It is worth determining before the wedding: who decides what?
It is much easier to solve various problems and disputes once we figure out who decides what. It seems obvious that the perpetrators of all the "confusion" - the bride and groom - have the deciding vote. They decided to get married, they will be the main heroes of this event, so they have the right to choose the type of wedding and ceremony. But some families find it very difficult to accept this. They try to implement their own ideas and often get their own way, especially when they have to finance everything.
Advice for parents: If your child is old enough to get married, that is, takes responsibility for the happiness of the other person, he probably has the right to decide on less important issues, e.g. wedding outfit, type of ceremony and size weddings. Be their advisers, consultants. Help their visions come true, even if they want it to be a quiet wedding in a forest clearing. You will see: it will be beautiful and one of a kind. There is also an additional benefit from this approach to the matter: you are not the authors of the project and you don't have to worry about everything!
Advice for young people: When you expect support in financing and organizing the celebration, define what you care about the most, and on which issues you give your decision to decideparents.
According to an expertAnna Śliwińska, therapistAdulthood and openness test
The wedding situation is a test for the bride and groom and their parents. On the one hand, it is a test of how adults are the people who get married, that is, to what extent they are able to push their idea for a wedding, and on the other - to the openness or stiffness of families. If the family is open and assumes that it is a celebration of young people (also of families, but mostly of young people), it gives them space for them to pursue their plans. There are also families that try to interfere. The situation is complicated by the fact that young people are usually not financially independent. And then the parents, feeling that they finance the entire undertaking, give themselves the right to intervene. Sometimes young people are also troubled by loy alty obligations towards their families, for example, although they would prefer a civil wedding, they get married in the church for their parents, because they know that it is important to them. And then they often succumb to their pressure against themselves. Especially if they do not have their own money to organize the celebration. Therefore, try to be open and respect the decisions of young people. And if you don't like it because you have different expectations, don't put pressure on them. Think how to reconcile your interests. Reaching a common compromise, although not always easy, is possible.
Before the wedding, define an action plan
A successful celebration - no matter if big or small - is the result of many people's work. Therefore, you need to meet with the other party's parents to establish important issues and share responsibilities. Such a meeting has one more advantage - it will allow you to get to know each other better, and this will reduce the stress during the ceremony itself. Please do not hesitate to state clearly how much you can spend, because the action plan depends on the established budget.
Advice for parents: When sharing tasks, take into account all the pieces of the puzzle, i.e. who orders flowers (apart from the bride's bouquet, they may be needed for church, for decorating cars and wedding tables), who is responsible for invitations, determining party menu, purchase of alcohol, drinks, etc.
Advice for the young: You will have the status of a star at the wedding and reception, but before that you participate in the preparations for the ceremony and take on some of the responsibilities.
ProblemThe minimum time needed to get married at the Registry Office is one month (you need to submit relevant documents to the Registry Office with such advance notice). In the case of a church wedding, i.e. a concordat wedding, it is a minimum of 3 months (including premarital catecheses, announcements), and a month before the ceremony, it should be delivered to the officeparish documents with a certificate from the Civil Registry Office confirming no circumstances excluding marriage.
Weddings large and small, family and more
Large room requires reservation. This must be done at least six months in advance. When dealing with the formalities, it is worth asking for details: what is included in the price and what is not, by when you need to provide the final number of guests. The menu is usually set one month before the ceremony. You will also need to make an advance payment.
2 months is enough to prepare a more modest party in a restaurant. If the party is to be at home, make a list of dishes a month in advance and distribute their preparation to the family. If you want to use the services of a catering company, order it about 3 weeks before the wedding ceremony.
Advice for parents: If you want to host a large family on the occasion of your child's marriage, it's best to do it some time after the wedding. You will have a better time among yourselves, and you will make it easier for young spouses to get to know all aunts, uncles and cousins.
Advice for young people: Do you want to have fun with your friends until morning? Eat a festive dinner with your family and invite your friends to the club for champagne.
monthly "Zdrowie"