A problem as old as the world. Grandma wants to decide how to raise a child because she "knows it better" than a young mother. Conflicts on this background have always arisen. How to deal with such a situation? Do you always compromise for the sake of a good cause, or should you go for it?

"When you were one year old, I gave you regular milk and you live somehow", "When my children were little, they had to sleep after dinner and there was no discussion" - how many times have you heard similar comments from your mother ormother-in-law ? And how many times have you had an argument due to differences inparenting methods ? Well, such conflicts have existed for centuries. One has to accept it and do everything possible not to lead to a real split in the house. So let's learn two things: diplomacy (to defend the right to decide about your own child, without offending anyone) and listening (do not assume that grandma wants badly for your child and sometimes it is worth taking her advice).

When you have to compromise on parenting

Do them justice though: moms and mother-in-law are also right sometimes, so don't reject any advice in advance just because it comes from their mouths. Look at them objectively: they love your children and want to favor heaven for them. They have had the hardships of motherhood behind them and, in retrospect, they know where they made mistakes in their upbringing. If you listen to their comments, dismissing their emotions, you may find that some are accurate! One more thing: if grandparents look after your child all the time you are working, it is difficult to deny them the right to make certain decisions about your baby. After all, they devote their time and energy to it, so they must also be able to introduce their own rules of childcare. In such a situation, you have to compromise - agree on the rules of raising a child together. Decide together what to let him and not do, what time he should go to bed, etc. The most important thing is that you form a united front, that is, that the rules of your parents do not differ from those of your grandparents. Only then will the child not be confused in his head and it will be easier for him to comply with the recommendations and prohibitions of adults. Thinking about the best parenting methods together will give grandparents the feeling that you care about their opinion.

When you need to defend the right to decide abouteducational methods

Every mother, even the best one, has doubts: am I taking good care of my child? Can I let him do something or should I forbid it? These are natural dilemmas that even psychologists experience when it comes to their own children. Then it is good to look for advice in a wise book or use the comments of an experienced person, e.g. mother or mother-in-law. But it's one thing to ask for help, and another to hear "good advice" every step of the way! There are many parents who feel that their adult daughters and sons are still too young, too inexperienced, and too stupid to care for their beloved grandchildren. Therefore, they will not fail to point out their mistakes, remind them of how children were brought up in their time, recommend how to act in different situations, etc., etc. Stop! First of all: their grandson or granddaughter is first and foremost your child and therefore you (of course, along with the child's father) have the right to decide on the way he or she is brought up, fed, dressed or treated. And although you may make mistakes sometimes, you always want the best for your baby and you will not hurt him or her. And if you do something not completely right, it's hard - a person learns from mistakes. When you do something against the advice of your mother or mother-in-law, she may say that you 'ate all your wits'. It is not like that. Tell her times change and each generation has its own parenting methods. What is old and proven is not always good, because the recommendations regarding the diet of toddlers, their treatment and the way of going to sleep are also changing. Young mothers are usually better educated in this regard, because they go to childbirth school, read magazines and guides for young parents. Therefore, defend your arguments and do not let the grandmothers take control of your little one.

The art of diplomacy

It happens that a grandmother, in the name of love for her grandson, makes (in your opinion) cardinal educational mistakes. - We have agreed that the baby will be covered only with a blanket during the day, because it is warm at home - says the mother of six-month-old Maciek. - But my mother-in-law can't keep up with it. She covers the baby with a duvet and even puts on a hat! The little one is then overheated, sweating and tired. Beata, mother of one-year-old Ola, has similar problems. - My mother gives the little girl, for example, strawberries to eat - says Beata. - And when my daughter fell ill, she wanted to give her milk from a cardboard box with honey, because that was how she treated me when I was little. Mum does not understand that these are allergenic products, not allowed for a child of this age, so talk first of all. Don't make a fuss, just try to get along: ask and explain why you want it to be this way and not otherwise. In order not to expose yourself todeclaring that you ate all your minds, refer to the authorities. For example, when talking about a baby, say casually, "You know, mom, the pediatrician said that babies can only eat bread after they are 12 months old," or, "I've read that babies should have a steady rhythm of the day. Maybe we'll find out that Basia is on a walk between 10.00 and 12.00, and then eats lunch and sleeps? ”. If you need to point out to your mother-in-law that she did something wrong as you wanted it to be, it is better for your husband to interview him. Conversely, when it comes to your mother, talk to her. It is better to receive comments from your own child than from your son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Never pay attention to a mother or mother-in-law in front of the baby. First, you will destroy your grandmother's authority. Secondly, the toddler will notice that you have different opinions on a topic and will use it, e.g. he refuses to drink milk from his grandmother because he knows that she will not force him to do so.

This will be useful to you

The art of compromise

Grandmothers and grandparents are, after all, the closest people you can almost always rely on. Let them pamper your grandson sometimes. It is important that the little one knows what the rules are in his family house and that he understands that a visit to his grandmother is a kind of holiday, so he can relax a little or eat more sweets with her.

monthly "M jak mama"

Category:

Psychology