She stands in front of the mirror and comments on her imperfections with a sour face. Bust too small, bum too big, neck too short. And he listens in surprise, not knowing what she meant. After all, this woman is an ideal! She doesn't take up the discussion because she knows better anyway. Why do women see themselves differently than men do? Why do we sleep blindly with beauty flaws that the gentlemen do not notice at all?

In order to make the ladies aware of how often they make mistakes in judging their appearance, we conducted an experiment. We invited a couple - Krystyna Sokalska and Antek Regulski from Warsaw. They are both 30 years old. He is a translator and she is an interior designer. They have been together for 2 years and plan their future together. The rules of our experiment were simple: she draws herself and he draws her. They both took it very seriously.

Model or ugly?

Antek tore a page with sketches several times. - I can't draw. I cannot reflect the beauty of Krysia. She will kill me when she sees this drawing, he worried. On the other hand, Krysia drew herself quickly with skilful pencil strokes. - In my picture I am on the run and with my finger up, because I am energetic and I like to rule - honestly admits Krystyna. She drew herself in a blouse and skirt. - I was able to cover up my imperfections this way. I wish I could be slimmer, so I preferred to cover my curves with clothes. Old woman's trick - she laughs. However, in the picture of Antek, Krystyna is in a bathing suit. Maybe apart from Antek's arms, which turned out a bit monstrously, his beloved looks like a model. He has slim legs and hips, and strongly accentuated eyes. - Because they captivated me when we met - explains Antek. And who is right here now? Antek, who is convinced that his girlfriend is the quintessence of sex appeal? Will Krysia, who thinks that she should lose weight, and before that happens, will not show people in bikini for any treasures?

Worth knowing

Research conducted on behalf of an American dating site shows that more than half of men like brunettes more than blondes. And 82 percent. of women are convinced that men prefer blondes.

According to psychologists, a large group of women, especially in Poland, are not satisfied with their appearance. He has a disturbed perception of his own body, the extreme form of which is anorexia.

Rounds attract

Dr. Alicja Głębocka from the Institute of Psychology at the University of Opole conducted research on a group of Poles, Germans, Austrians and Belarusians. They were all between the ages of 18 and 22 and of normal weight. They were shown diagrams of nine female and nine male silhouettes - from very thin to fat. Study participants were asked to select those they considered ideal. It turned out that the ladies indicated a slim figure as ideal and, above all, slimmer than their own. On the other hand, men chose women of average build. They did not find round ladies unattractive. The study also showed that Polish women are more dissatisfied with their appearance than German women, although after taking into account objective data such as height, weight and BMI, it turned out that Polish and German women do not differ in this respect at all. - Evolutionary psychologists have proved that curves are important for men - says Anna Śliwińska, a psychotherapist from SELF studio in Warsaw. - Thanks to them, they subconsciously know that such a woman can give birth to a he althy child. This is called procreative attractiveness. That's why many ladies make the mistake of trying to look like models by force. Appetizing curves are very attractive to men - she emphasizes.

I see details, not the whole

Why are women unable to appreciate their beauty and let their complexes take away their well-being? Anna Śliwińska believes that this is because a woman perceives herself through the prism of details. Her attention is often focused on some detail that she is not satisfied with. This little detail, such as the beauty of the knees, can affect a woman's perception of the whole body. She exaggerates this detail, which makes her dislike anything about herself anymore. Meanwhile, the man sees the woman as a whole. It does not notice any small flaws. What is important for him is a silhouette with a waistline and wide hips.

The power of self-acceptance

It is also worth emphasizing that men like women who fully accept themselves. - You can see a coherent interior in such ladies. Distancing themselves helps them see themselves not only through the prism of their appearance. They see themselves as a whole, made up of body and soul. Such women have sex appeal, and he is not always manifested through the perfect figure, but through the interior. The more we accept ourselves, the more beautiful we appear to others - explains Anna Śliwińska. Well, it's easy to say - many of the ladies will think - but how to do it? Especially when we look in the mirror and do not see an attractive and self-confident woman in it, but a depressed and tired housewife. What then?it's worth working on yourself a little. Answer yourself the question - what weight do you feel good about yourself? If you think you should lose 5 kilos, try to lose weight 3. You will feel the difference then. It is also important to choose the right hairstyle and clothes that will decorate, not disfigure. It is not worth hitting hipsters if you look bad in them. Better to find your own style that you feel good in.

Are you a victim of the stereotype?

It must be admitted, however, that we women have a difficult task in accepting our own physicality. All because we become victims of the stereotype of femininity, in which attractive appearance is very important. Barbara Fredrickson, a doctor of psychology at the University of Michigan, conducted a study that showed how much stress we experience when our appearance is at stake. She asked the women to try on a bikini and a moment later to solve a math problem. It turned out that they achieved a worse than average result. They were probably too absorbed in thinking about the imperfections of their own figure. Such effects were not caused by trying on a sweater. However, it turned out that the men were not distracted by trying on swim trunks. “But there are ways that can help you accept your body. In this process, it is extremely important to answer the question whether the appearance is really all we have - explains Anna Śliwińska. - When a woman asks herself this question, it turns out that she has a lot to offer, because it also consists of thoughts, emotions and talents. One can sing well, another has a unique sense of humor or is a spiritual being and can see the magic of the world. Yet another one knows how to win over people. Each of us has something that is our psychological advantage. And it is worth looking for them in yourself. Because the beauty itself will sooner or later pass. And we are left - either not at peace with ourselves and bitter, or happy because we are convinced of our inner beauty - emphasizes the psychotherapist.

monthly "Zdrowie"

Category:

Psychology