The child most often lies out of fear, distrust, shame and over-control. This is how it shows that it has problems. Educators agree that the causes of children's lies are … adults who set a bad example for their children.
Do you agree with this thesis? Then remember how many times you said in front of your baby when the phone rang "tell me I'm gone". Or how often you fail to keep your child's promises. As a result of such promises-goodies, you convey to the child a simple message: it is allowed to ignore the truth. And even if you say every day that "you must not cheat" and "lies are bad" -if you give the wrong example - your child will follow your example .
Why do little kids lie?
For a toddler, living in a world of fiction is natural. On all sides he is surrounded by animals that speak; listens to fairy tales in which strange things happen. All this stimulates his imagination to such an extent that it is difficult for him to separate fiction from reality. Therefore, over the fabrication that happens from time to time, feel free to move on to the agenda. Just pay attentionif your little one can play with other children . If so - everything is normal.
It is different when she lives with imaginary friends most of the day, and doesn't consider it fun. Then it makes sense for you to consider whether he is spending his days in a satisfactory way. Does he have his own company and is fun with his peers nice for him. Does he have the opportunity to playfully demonstrate with adults? Wrestling or riding a piggyback with daddy are just as necessary moments for a child as learning to behave at the table.
Small children raised in a rigorous drill and punished even for minor offenses, often invent a companion of "misery", on whom they blame some of the offenses. This should not be a reason for one more "lying" punishment. Take this as an important signal that the baby is bad.
Reasons for lying:
for a 3-4-year-old:
- rather, these are not deliberate lies, but fabrications, i.e. the effect of a vivid imagination,
- it is uncertain where fiction ends and reality begins,
- he lacks contact with his peers and surrounds himself with imaginary friends,
- has too strict parents.
advice for parents:
- keep him in touch with other children,
- exercise moderation in the story of fairy tales,
- every day find a moment for joyful fun together,
- replace pen alties with calm translation.
Better not to punish, but only to show the negative sides of the lie. It is also worth rewarding for the truth, even if it concerns unpleasant or sad matters. It is worthwhile to guide the child in such a way that he or she finds out that lying is not worthwhile. And we will do this without pen alties, but with "forgiveness of sins". However, any recidivism should be punished.
Why do older children lie?
The situation with an older child is completely different. Onolies to cheat . Does it have to do this? We all know the answer from our own lives - surely each of us has had awkward situations in which the only tactful solution was to miss the truth. If we catch a child in such a lie - it is worth noting that this is not the best way out of an awkward situation, and at the same time show that we understand the intentions.
Most often, children lie at the age of 8 - then the phenomenon grows avalanche . This is especially true when the child had an exaggerated imagination and we did not make sure that it could separate fantasy from reality. What to do then? It is not a good idea to embarrass your children in public. Also, publicizing a lie, even in the family forum, exposes our helplessness, and above all, it does not have an educational effect.
Problems most often start at school when, instead of good grades, there are darts. And the lies that are the quintessential fear of your parents. Don't think then that your child doesn't care about learning. It is precisely the lies that show that it depends, and very much. Think about the causes of school troubles, calmly declare help. But at the same time make it clear that lies are bad and that the child does not have to use them when dealing with adults.
Prove that you can calmly accept the news of the misbehavior of the offspring. If you do not go to punishments and screams at least once, and replace them with conversation and translation, you have a chance that the lies will disappear from your family life. By showing understanding, be patient. The fear that drives a child to lie won't go away right away.
See:Never say that to a child. It perceives your words differently
Reasons for lying
5-6-year-olds:
- afraid of punishment,
- wants people to see them as polite,
- doesn't remember what it really was,
- in his life, the fantasy is so mixed up withreality that he thinks he's telling the truth.
advice for parents:
- help your child distinguish between fabrications and reality,
- don't let yourself be deceived, even in jokes,
- do not create an atmosphere of fear so that the child is not afraid to admit to mischief,
- do not scream, especially when you may assume that the "misfortune" happened accidentally.
in a child over 7 years old:
- afraid of not being able to meet the parents' expectations,
- is over-controlled,
- there is no right to intimacy at home,
- can't cope with his own problems and is afraid to talk about them,
- doesn't feel fully loved and accepted.
advice for parents:
- make it easier for your child to tell the truth,
- don't be overly strict,
- appreciate admission of guilt,
- kindly translate,
- allow him independence appropriate to his age.
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