Betrayal calls into question the future of the relationship. The betrayed person feels hurt and always has lowered self-esteem. Betrayal can affect anyone. However, is it possible to continue living together after the betrayal? Certainly yes, but nothing will ever be the same again.

Did you read an SMS by accident disturb you? Did you meet him during a "delegation" in a restaurant with another woman? Or maybe he told you about the lover himself? No matter how you made that discovery, it was devastating. The person you love and trusted has failed you. And although you do not know what you should do now, you are sure of one thing - nothing will be as it was …

It takes two to cheat

Hisbetrayalput yourrelationshipinto question. But it also lowered your self-esteem. You started questioning your attractiveness. You have doubted your ability to choose a wise partner and wonder if you are doing well in this role yourself. You are trying to determine your possible involvement in the betrayal: "Did I push him to do this? Didn't pay enough attention to what was important to him? Perhaps I had neglected it by paying too much attention to the children? Was sex satisfying? ” Then comes a wave of anger and regret: “How could he do this to me? I thought I could trust him. " The next phase is self-criticism: "I should have known that." Finally, there are doubts: “Maybe I was expecting too much? Maybe I don't deserve to be loved? ”. And while many of the questions are ridiculous, some certainly have an answer.

Betrayal is a dramatic symptom when a relationship is going bad - at least one side is missing something: understanding, support, warmth, sexual satisfaction. This deficit has probably been around for a long time. Something could have been done about it. As? You have to work on a relationship. Overcome innate selfishness and pay attention to what is important to a loved one. Listen to it carefully and, on the other hand, talk honestly about yourself. Don't be afraid to set boundaries and fight for self-respect.

Lovers start a family and start to accumulate common property, take care of children - they forget that their greatest treasure is the feeling that brought them together. They rarely spend time and energy learning to communicate personally. They believe that if they love each other now, alwayswill understand each other. And if communication fails, the deficit of mutual expectations grows. And very often there is betrayal. It is difficult to deal with the growing lack of tenderness, interest, etc. - and you look for it outside of the relationship.

Important

Start a new chapter in your life

Treason can be forgiven. But can it be forgotten? Not! And that's not the point at all. More important is whether it became a turning point for the partners from which the healing of the relationship began, or a painful, difficult to heal wound. In the latter case, it is better to part. However, many couples who managed to save their relationship admitted that while the betrayal caused the worst period of their lives, it ultimately led them to a level of intimacy, happiness, understanding and devotion that they had previously only dreamed of. So they needed the traumatic experience in order to… rediscover themselves.

betrayal is unequal

Some women are more affected by emotional than physical betrayal. It is easier for them to come to terms with the fact that their partner has slept with someone other than that he has established an intimate relationship with her. It happens that deep contact with a person met on the Internet is a betrayal compared to spending the night with someone else. But regardless of the extent of the betrayal, it hurts just the same.

Time heals all wounds, including those caused by the partner's betrayal

In the moment when you are tormented by rage, the desire for revenge, and the desperate desire to get your partner back, only time will help you to look at the whole situation soberly. Then you will know your true feelings for your partner and how he really feels for you. So do not make the decision to break up hastily. Temporary separation, however, makes sense - when you live apart for a while, you will sooner find the truth about what connects you. During this time, find peace and strength in routine activities: exercise, work, and lunch with friends. This will give you the feeling that life goes on. If you have children, do not change their daily schedule. They must have a steady foothold. For their sake, stay calm: cry only when you are alone. After all, this conflict only affects you and your partner. Your husband is their father and their behavior is a threat to them too. Many mothers then ask themselves: "Should I keep this marriage for the" good "of the children?" instead of the more important one: "Will staying in a" dead "relationship at all costs have a negative impact on my entire family?" Therefore, cool down - share your dilemmas with your friends. But the decision: "what next?" take it yourself! It's your life! Also, different people have different tolerances for cheating.

Only from youit depends whether you will rebuild your relationship after cheating

Answer yourself the question, "Is this relationship worth a second chance?" But don't stay with your partner if there is little or no chance that you will be happy with them. You shouldn't be with him if he doesn't have the courage to be honest. When I don't feel the need to work through my own weaknesses. When he is unable to engage in a relationship and is incapable of great feelings. If you love him and he can't imagine his life without you and promises you that he will do anything to correct his mistake and rebuild your relationships, give him - or rather you - one more chance. It's up to you to regain affection and closeness.

According to American clinical psychologists Steven D. Solomon and Lorie J. Teagno, dealing with the fact that a loved one has betrayed you is - in a sense - comparable to facing the death of a loved one - you feel that someone has passed away forever or something has died.

Stages of dealing with the betrayal:

To come to terms with the passing of someone you love, you need to work on unpleasant emotions. As? Here are the effective steps in dealing with this crisis situation:

  • Some part of you will be careful never to get hurt that much. However, don't let your fear hold you back from revealing your heart to the person who has hurt you. This is the only way for you to go beyond the pain and not let it dominate you. First, write down everything you feel. Writing can often help make sense of our feelings - especially when they are so strong. For example, you may feel enraged, not only because he has betrayed you, but also because he has disowned it or has taken her to "your places. You may be afraid that he is going to leave you for her, you may feel afraid that he will not leave you anymore." loves, and at the same time have a feeling that this will be the best solution for you. If you know what you really want, it will be easier for you to fight for it. Don't be surprised when - after all - you discover the truth that you love him and you cannot imagine living with someone else. Having the courage to face the truth about yourself is the first step to changing your life.
  • Express your emotions. It is difficult to bring up the subject of betrayal without quarrels, grievances, and regrets. Therefore, you should not have one conversation, but a whole series. Tell him about your deep pain, anger, fear, etc. Let the emotions pour out of you. And… give him a chance to defend himself. But you are in control of this conversation! Every partner who has been betrayed feels trapped - some part of him is obsessed with finding out the details of the betrayal.At the same time, he is afraid to hear what it really was. Therefore, only ask questions that you are ready to answer. Remember that it can be very painful. Ask only for what will help you understand and find a solution, not for details that will make your pain worse. But don't give up on this conversation - even if you've made up your mind to break up. For many people, getting to the details of the betrayal allowed them to discover the truth about their relationship and avoid mistakes in the future.
  • Rebuild trust. This process is very difficult - it takes weeks, sometimes years. There is only one way to do this - you have to act. The partner must constantly confirm his honesty, keep his word. Do what he promised you and keep nothing from you. But… he won't do it if you don't help him. You have to tell him what you expect from him. Together, develop a list of those behaviors that will build your trust. Remember - what you ask of him must be doable and must not jeopardize his self-respect. You have to allow him to live a normal life - with entertainment and temptation that he will not have to give up (e.g. sports).

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Category:

Psychology