It is a beautiful thing to have aspirations and goals in life. Unfortunately, excessive ambitions can destroy us, become a source of addiction to alcohol, television, work, etc. When ambition ceases to be a driving force and becomes a brake blocking development?
According to one psychological theory about our self-esteem and self-knowledge, each person says differently when answering the questions "what are you?" and "what would you like to be?" This second answer presents our "ideal self" - ambitions, what we would like to achieve or have.
In most people this "ideal self" differs slightly from the "real self", means how a person imagines himself here and now. If the discrepancy between ambitions and the "real self" is at an average level, it has a good effect for us: we feel motivated to change, repair ourselves, we care about achievements, set ourselves achievable goals and develop. We also distance ourselves - we realize that we are not ideals, although we can tolerate it, accept our shortcomings and feel good with ourselves "in spite of everything".
Excessive ambition can cause depression
Unfortunately, it may be that the "ideal me" contains completely different content than the "real me". For example, someone may imagine that he should be only successful, be the most beautiful, slimmest, smartest, richest, etc. In addition, these beliefs may not be completely covered by real possibilities and achievements.
In psychological language it is said then that someone's "ideal self" contains completely different content than the "real self". Unfortunately, such a construction of the personality leads to suffering. Many studies show that the greater the discrepancy between ideals and "real self", the more often people grapple with depression, depression, sadness and apathy. Perhaps it is these exorbitant ambitions and unrealistic goals in life that are the cause of the currently observed, significant increase in the incidence of depression.
ImportantWhere do exorbitant ambitions come from?
The media and the life model they promote have their say: consumption-oriented, success-oriented, showing "being in the first place" as a value. Sick ambitions can also result from specific upbringing (eg "My parents were always dissatisfied when I brought a four plus. They always asked: why not a six?"). They can have theirsrooted in the inability to take care of yourself and protect yourself from bad thoughts about yourself ("I am completely worthless, my life sucks and no one will change it").
It may be that the parents taught the child to think: "you can achieve anything in life if you want to." We believe that the path from a shoe shine to a millionaire is open to everyone, "wanting is enough to be able", and if you really want something, you will definitely achieve it … Unfortunately, this often leads to the formation of unrealistic expectations about your own life . Then the ambitions become toxic, they begin to destroy a person.
Excessive classes suppress exuberant ambitions
Malaise appears especially when someone reflects on himself, devotes himself to contemplation, makes self-reflection, that is, when he has free time. That is why many people avoid holy water as free as a devil, believing that "nothing good has come out of self-reflection".
For these people, inactivity is a real torment, a very unpleasant state in which their imperfections are clearly revealed to them. "Fortunately" self-reflection is easily avoided if you organize your life so that it is constantly filled with some action, so that your attention is drawn outward and occupied. Such a task can be fulfilled by the abuse of computers, the Internet, work, alcohol, television, i.e. addictions, etc.
Does this mean that giving in to addiction is an escape from yourself? Certain addictions are certainly motivated that way. This is perfectly confirmed by experiments in which people were asked to solve tasks on intelligence. After receiving the test result, they were to sit in the waiting room, where the TV was on, and wait. It turned out that those who found out that they fell below their desires in the test spent much more time watching TV than those who found out that they did very well. The latter were not interested in the program. Perhaps the TV set helped distract from unpleasant thoughts about his imperfection.
Perhaps compulsive television watching and addictions in general allow you not to think about your own unsatisfied, excessive ambitions.
Problems with self-esteem
Does this mean that it is better if a man is not ambitious and is convinced that he is perfect? There are a lot of such people - they define their "real self" in very similar terms to "ideal me". These people underwent a specific development in childhood. This is because many parents strive to ensure that their children have the best, "perfect" image of themselves.
This is due to the belief that ifthe child will have a very high self-esteem, then it will be easier to cope with life obstacles, will not give up in the face of difficulties, and this will translate into persistence, setting ambitious life goals, success, etc.
That's why some parents praise a child whether or not he or she really deserves it. Such children do not function well in the future. On the contrary, most often they do not set themselves any goals, nor do they make efforts to achieve something, expecting that the world should give them everything they want, worship them because they are wonderful.
In addition, woe to anyone who denies this greatness, doubts it or only tries to check it. Research shows that they become extremely aggressive in such situations - they attack, insult, "destroy" those who dared to criticize them in any way. In addition, these "walking ideals" are people without ambition. Most often they have a demanding attitude, they are not very persistent, they easily give in to adversities and do not develop. Many criminals are people with an exaggerated ego.
It seems that lack of ambition is as toxic as exuberant ambition. Most of us have ambitions, but can keep them in check.
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