I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years. It was difficult from the beginning. I lived in Poland, a boy in Norway. Nevertheless, we managed. I have been living with him abroad for 1.5 years. I left to save my relationship because it was hard. He talked about an engagement, he actually made a promise, because it didn't happen to this day. We decided that we would take a step forward and set a wedding date and booked a wedding house in 1.5 years. Unfortunately, everything started to go wrong. He had little time for me, absorbed in his own business. I was depressed. Basically, from a smiling girl I turned into a cry all the time. The day of booking the premises was the happiest for me. Unfortunately, everything was left on my mind. He did not want to participate in further preparations and talk about it. He explained it with his own neurosis and trivial reasons. After all, if someone loves someone, he does not hurt another. My happiness is over. He quit the wedding. We didn't part, I don't know if a further relationship makes sense. I have forgiven him many times. I don't know if I can do it this time.
A lot of sadness in your letter, you write that your needs regarding the formalization of the relationship, engaging in joint plans are not fulfilled by your partner and his explanations are not convincing for you.
Disagreement on such important matters causes frustration and doubts. I do not know what good you are experiencing together, how you and your partner take care of each other on a daily basis. What are the needs and expectations of this relationship and the relationship with you that your partner has. It is important that you answer what you need, how do you imagine your life together and whether there is a chance that in this relationship you will have a chance to fulfill it, whether your vision are ideas about the relationship that are realistically reflected in reality, a wedding is one of the elements of life for two - it does not guarantee happiness and fulfillment.
The breakup will not be easy, you have invested a lot in this relationship - the change of place of residence, feelings related to the resignation from the wedding and the need for the wedding to take place, other matters that you mention: "I have forgiven him many times" but subsequent "sacrifices" may make it even more difficult to realistically assess the situation and take care of one's own needs. Maybe you should meet a psychologist, psychotherapist to see your needs andtake care of yourself, regardless of whether you meet this Partner or whether you end this relationship.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Dominika Ambroziewicz-WnukPsychologist, personal development trainer.
For 20 years she has been working with teenagers, young adults and their carers. Supports people who experience school and relational difficulties, adolescence disorders and teenage parents www.centrum-busola.pl
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