Is it appropriate to allow a 15-year-old to come home late? My friend's son, who will soon turn 15, wants to be able to return home at 11 p.m. The friend believes that it is definitely too late. But maybe it is worth trusting the child and allowing him to come back later?
In the situation you are writing about, it is very important that both parties have a chance to express and get to know their needs. A teenager needs to be taken seriously and wants to exercise the powers of an adult and an autonomous person, this is a time when being treated "like a child" hurts a lot, and the need to rebel against "unfair treatment" and its expression is the bane of parents. On the other hand, the need for parental control, fear of threats from the world and possible risky and initiatory behaviors taken by the teenager make the rebellious behavior intensify or calm down (e.g. the parent uses violence or sets very strict limits).
It is important to take your child seriously, listen to their arguments - sometimes it's worth asking for time to think and reflect. Share your fears (needs in a given matter) - it is important here that we try not to place the responsibility on the child for our fears (sometimes excessive). During such a conversation, it is worth establishing rules that both sides will try to stick to. A man in adolescence trains being an adult and for this training to be successful, he must have opportunities and close adults who trustfully enable him to use the rights of adults, but … Exactly, "but" is important here - within certain limits and on clear rules . From time to time, it is worth giving the child a chance to come back at this age later, ie after the magic 10 pm. It is important that the parents know where the branch is, what it is going to do and how it is going to come back home. It is important that they take the child seriously and explain what they are afraid of; explained that they are still responsible for them.
Remember that our expert's answer is informative and will not replace a visit to the doctor.
Dominika Ambroziewicz-WnukPsychologist, personal development trainer.
For 20 years she has been working with teenagers, young adults and their carers. She supports people who experience school and relational difficulties as well as period disordersadolescence and teenage parents www.centrum-busola.pl
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